Well, I'm not the best writer, but I was in the mood so I tried to do my best.
Let's go
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Crush comme rush
I was once again at a disco, mixing the music.
I can say I'm not very attractive and that's why the go-go's or any other girl from the dancefloor never came behind the turntable and started
flirting with me.
But this evening it was different.....
A girl came to me, behind the turntable and was trying to tell me something,
but I couldn't understand any word of what she was trying to say, because the music was so loud.
So I took a little papersheet and wrote on it, that she should write down her message there.
And so she did...
"Meet you after this,
I love you,
Rica "
and with that she ran away.
Although I never had seen that girl before, she was sort of familiar... but I don't know why...
Anyway, I made this show, till 4 AM... after that I took time for packing my things...
I took almost an half hour, only for her to come to that "rendez-vous" she had written before.
But she didn't come....
Outside, either, nobody.
So I drove home....and there I went to bed.
I can say now, that I had a very deep sleep this night, which is unusual no matter if I have to work the next day or not.
I dreamed of that girl again and hoped she would come back to tell me her matter exactly.
At 1 PM I woke up...
I noticed something was lying on my torso, I looked a bit closer and saw that it was an arm.
I was a bit shocked and looked slightly next to me
And now guess who I saw...
It was that girl from the disco..
"How the hell did she get here? and Why?" were my thoughts
I softly took her arm off me and got out of my bed.
That girl must have noticed that, because she was sort of patting on the empty bed and
mumbling my name "Eoghain.....Eoghain...."
I hurried putting on my clothes...and then I walked over to the bed again...
I softly put the blanket over her body, but I guess she noticed that too and opened her eyes slightly...
She took my and pulled me towards her..and then she kissed me.....
I pushed her away, because I didn't expect that to happen...and asked her why she did that.
She reacted with emotions, sat on the bed and cried.
I told her to stop and told her, that I don't even know her really.
I comforted her then and she told me everything, why she made this message and how she sneaked into my bed and all.
"well, so" she said "you know, all of my feelings for you are suddenly gone"
I responsed with a simple "It's ok, don't worry"
"Well then it's probably time for me to leave" she continued
"Probably, but don't you want to have breakfast with me first?" I asked
"No, I don't want to, thanks for the offer" was her sudden reaction
So I walked with her to the door...opened it and just before she took a step out of the flat...she kissed me again.
But this time I didn't feel something unexpected would happen, quite contrary I enjoyed it...
It was full of passion and all this.......we probably stood there for 5 minutes, just kissing.
But then she stopped and pushed me softly away "I really have to go now"
And with that she ran away.....I didn't run after her, because I was still shocked.
I closed the door and made breakfast.
I never have seen her again since then.
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That's it
That was....interesting o.o
I'm not quite sure what's going on, but it was interesting to read, and quite well told. And Mysteeerious *waggles fingers*
Will thar be any sequels to thas?
Well so far I'm not sure about any sequels, I have to see if I get some ideas, since I actually finished that story in 3 hours,(incl. typing into the comp) and I also finished that part at school.....well let's see how it looks a bit later.Anyway thank you so far and I hope you enjoyed my story.
What is this a fanfic of? Oo Eoghain's no character name I've ever heard of, though it is a real name.
And like Crim said, nothing really happens in this; what does happen isn't explained, and isn't even understood by the main character. Even one-night stands -- which this looks like -- need both people to know what they're doing. It could do with some more work.
They hadn't have sex or something.
And I left out the things that happened with just putting in "and she told me everything, why she made this message and how she sneaked into my bed and all."
And Eoghain is a character of mine, sorry I didn't mention that before.
Anyway, you are right I'm a bad writer, everyone complained and still complains on my stories.
You know, I try to write things in the way I like to, and I try to make the stories in that way, that the readers could understand it.
But I just notice again, that I can't write fanfics....Q_Q
Sorry, I bet this whole topic is spam, so ignore it if you want to.
Thanks for the critics , though, but I can't write any better...
sorry
If it's your character, this isn't a fanfic. It's just a piece of fiction. Fan Fiction, by definition, uses other peoples' characters and settings.
*And knowing is half the battle*
I feel overall that the particular format you used, though not conventional, added to the almost lyrical or poetic style that seemed to be throughout the story. True, by "standard" standards, the placing of paragraphs and setup and lack of description would be almost intolerable. But frankly, I like the way that it came out, the way it was formatted, the way that it felt like a song being played out.
I wondered a little bit about what did end up happening between them, but I came to the conclusion that they didn't have sex after all. For some reason, that felt right, and I guess I like this fic more because of that. The entire event is singular, and important to your character.
As stated, it's true that it isn't a "fan" fiction - since fan fictions are at least based on a fictional universe or using fictional that have already been made (examples of course are Star Trek, Star Wars, Sonic the Hedgehog). But as a work of fiction, the unique style stands out.
thank you, smartass@anti.
I'm sorry, in this case I don't know that much.
Sorry,
I know I'm bad at all this stuff, you just don't need to show me off, ok?
Thank you, Terg , for your post.
I appreciate it, thanks.
thank you, smartass@anti.
I'm sorry, in this case I don't know that much.
Sorry,
I know I'm bad at all this stuff, you just don't need to show me off, ok?
He wasn't showing off, he was just letting you know.
In other news, I actually liked it. Some slight grammatical errors, but that was probably intentional to add to the style it was written in. Nice job.
thank you, Wesu.
Well, but really at the moment I have a crush myself on a girl. But well, I guess another sequel will come soon, maybe at the end of that month, I dunno right now how my thoughts will come and when I will have time to write them down. So far thank you!
