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Dang that hacker...everything I posted here is gone...anyway...been gone all summer because My parents don't want me on the internet. But that doesn't mean I haven't been writing. I finished chapter 7 (It's LOOOONG!) And will be posting it probably when I come back in full in about a week and a half. 'Till then...
It's all on Fanfic.com now. No sense repasting everything in here. I'l just link to it from now on. www.fanfiction.net/s/2281527/1/
Got through all seven chapters yesterday, neat stuff. Hard to say exactly where to start, but first thing that comes to mind is the great descriptions you use. It reminds me of my writing style before I left on my mission, more flowy and eloquent, a style that I miss because it painted such a lovely picture.
Character-wise, we got to see aspects of characters like Sonic and Tails that we probably never will in any cartoon or game. Though there have been many "I am the kid of Sonic" fan fics and/or characters, I think it's more unique that we actually get to see Serenity growing up, how she interacted with her parents and who she related to between her parents in what ways. It takes a certain step of courage to show how a character grows up, because you are effectively showing what kinds of mistakes and trials that they had to go through growing up. Not everyone's willing to actually tell that story. But by growing up with Serenity, it feels more like we get to be a part of her life. It helps us to relate to the character more than if we just saw her in action and only had her feelings alone to deal with. This is more of a "show-me" way of getting people to know her, and that's important.
I also thought that minor details, like the double-moon and the cultural detail with the sister of Tails' wife, also added another dimension onto this. These are things that, though perhaps subtle in cases like the dual moons, sprinkle some spice into the mix that fans can recognize, or in the case of the cultural detail give them something they might not have seen before.
Rich descriptions, particularly with different colors, really helps paint things for the readers, or helps the readers to paint the scenes out themselves. I felt you stayed true to Sonic's personality from the SatAM especially, and it brought a smile to see how readily he was able to relate to his daughter's impatience.
Good job, Violet.
