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Automatic ShadAmy
By Harley Quinn hyenaholic
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This is the basic ShadAmy fanfic. Nine out of ten ShadAmy's run this way. It's everything that A Rose And A Thorn (which I have been forbidden to link to) fight against - the injustice against Shadow.
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Okay. One day, Amy was doing her predictable 'chase Sonic' thing. In fact, it wasn't 'One Day'. It was exactly a month after Sonic Adventure 2.
"Oh Sonic," she sighed, "Why won't you adknowledge your love for me? Oh, how I wish there were more SonAmy fics around, then he'd realise how much we are destined to be together..."
Sonic heard this. Shuddering in distaste, he skidded to a halt, and turned to face Amy, "Amy, I've been telling you since you were six years old, you're too young for me! I want a REAL woman. Rouge has the right kinda breasts for a man like me. You're just flat."
Amy's eyes widened, "But Sonic, don't you love me?" she wailed.
"Hell no! @#%$ off, @#%$!" Sonic checked to make sure nobody was looking, and then gave Amy a good slap, despite the fact he's put up with her bull for years. She burst into tears, and ran off. He regretted it instantly. As was traditional in such circumstances, Knuckles came up and pounded the hell out of his sorry ass.
~~~
Now, back to Amy. Poor girl, she's been turned down by Sonic so meanly. She's crying and crying. And now she's in the general area of the Mystic Ruins. Why the Mystic Ruins? Cus they're cool. The fact that they're deserted and swampy doesn't come into it. Nor does the fact that they're miles from ANYWHERE. Anyway, that's where she was.
And then she heard something groan. Or maybe she smelt blood. Nah, the groan thing will do fine. So she got up and started looking around. Yes indeed she did. And who did she find?
You'll never guess.
Okay, you will.
Shadow.
Yes, not only had Shadow survived the fall from the ARK, he'd also survived lying around in Mystic Ruins for a whole damn MONTH without any medical care. Instead of calling for an ambulance like she should have done, Amy looked at his bruised, bleeding body. He was barely alive.
"Oh, it's Shadow! And he's barely alive!" Amy squealed, "And he may be dying!"
She wondered what to do. She should be trying CPR by now, but she'd always wanted her first kiss to be with Sonic. And of course, CPR to a half-dead psycho is so romantic and exactly the same as a kiss. Eventually, she steeled herself enough to actually want to save the poor guy's life.
She did the CPR. Or maybe she didn't. Either way, the moment Shadow came too, he whispered, "Maria..." It's reflex for the poor guy. Lay off his case, he's got enough problems already.
So Amy once again forgot about common sense, and dragged Shadow into a nearby cave. He needed medical attention from a qualified paramedic, but Amy was too busy admiring his hot body to call for an ambulance.
She tended Shadow for three days and three nights tirelessly. As she did so, she noticed how she didn't care about Sonic any more, and that Shadow was really quite hot. And under her gentle treatment, he didn't need a hospital to recover. Who's the Ultimate Lifeform now, biatch?
He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a pink blur. As it came into focus, he saw something amazing.
Amy had cunningly removed all her clothes.
"What?" Amy asked, "This is a ShadAmy fic! I rescued you! We're gonna have sex!"
"I'm in a ShadAmy fanfic?" Shadow asked, "Aw, crap!" He tried to stand up, but his legs were too weak to support him. And Amy had carefully tied them together with some handy vines.
"Yeah, it's as plotless and clichd as ever!" Amy shouted, "The only point of the story is for us to decide that we're the perfect couple, and then have a rather feeble fade-to-black sex scene!"
Shadow blinked, "Yeah, but the relationship usually takes about twenty chapters of me remembering Maria and having a few flashbacks, and you asking yourself why you're falling in love with me if you love Sonic," he said, trying to evade the inevitable upcoming horrors, "And Sonic's got to show up and start courting you at some point, to make your decision even more agonising."
"Don't worry, Shadow!" a cheery voice called from the cave opening. Sonic barged his way in, holding a bouquet of, ou guessed it... roses, "I've seen the error of my ways. As soon as Amy texted me telling me she'd found you, I realised I actually love her. It's the ever-present 'You don't know what you had until you lose it' plot."
"What about Eggman? Doesn't he have a tendency to kidnap Amy at some point in this sort of story?" Shadow said hopefully, "The guy who rescues her first wins her heart, right?"
"Eggman's on vacation in Hawaii right now," Amy explained, "No need to worry about him."
"Come on, Amy! You gotta choose one of us!" Sonic said, "Who's been nicest to you over the shortest period of time, huh?"
Shadow covered his eyes, "Look, Amy, you're cute and all, but honestly, I'd rather get Sonic Heroes over with before we start a relationship. What say I call on you in Sonic Battle, huh?"
"Come on, Shadow," Amy pulled him to his feet, and he managed to stifle a scream of pain, "Let's go for a walk."
"Can it wait? I've just fallen from space and my back is killing me," Shadow protested.
"Just get up, Shadow," Amy dragged him out of the cave.
"You're headed for that bunch of trees," Shadow warned, "Careful you don't trip-"
Of course they did. And Amy's lips just happened to press against Shadow's. Wow. She pulled away, blushing, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Shadow," she lied.
Shadow felt like crying, "Amy, listen. I don't want a relationship with you. As for sex? Maybe later, when I've sunk a few. But right now, could you just get me to a damn hospital?"
"But Shadow, this damp cave is perfect to start a relationship in!" Amy wailed.
"Hey faker! Get your hands off my girl!" Sonic shouted, running up.
"Oh, god..." Shadow muttered, "Look, I don't want to date Amy! She's the one who's all over me! God, I almost feel sorry for you, Sonic. Having to put up with this girl half your life..."
"WHO DO I CHOOSE?!" Amy wailed.
"Well traditionally, after much torturous soul-searching, you go for me," Shadow shuddered.
"Okay! Let's have SEX!" Amy shouted.
"Look, I'm still a virgin," Shadow protested, "There aren't many female hedgehogs up on the ARK. And I may be a total psycho, but I do have standards. Rouge is a total skank, I'm not gonna go with her. Can't I just stay single? Cream's gonna be 16 in only ten years. She's kinda cute-"
"YOU'RE A VIRGIN!" Amy squealed, "Oh, that's so cute! I totally forgot that all the time I was drooling over your hotness. We'll both be each other's firsts!"
"Yeah, virgin," Shadow reminded her, "I don't know much about sex. Our first time probably-"
"Will be the best sex ever!" Amy shouted.
"No, it'll suck and be rather painful for both of us," Shadow told her, "Come on, gimmie a break here!"
"No, Shadow! This story is all about you and me getting round to having SEX!" shouted Amy, who was still wandering around naked.
"SEX!" shouted a large number of ShadAmy fans,
"SEX!" shouted Sonic, who for some reason had turned up again, "Who are you gonna choose, Shadow? Me or Amy?"
"Since when was this a Sonadow fic?" Shadow asked.
"If you don't get your black-and-red ass choosing now, soon enough it will be both," Amy warned him.
Shadow started to cry like a little girl.
Because now he knew it was inevitable. Tomorrow morning, come rain or shine, and it would typically shine, he knew he was going to wake up with his arms around Amy, breathing in her delightful flowery scent after somehow giving her the best sex she'd ever have, despite having a total lack of experience. And he wouldn't even remember how he'd gotten there.
"Oh GOD have you no mercy?!" he screamed to the skies above.
~~~
The thing is, the average ShadAmy fanfic isn't about them having a relationship. It's about them realising they're prerfect for each other. And the author thinks that the reader wants to read through twenty chapters of soul-searching to find out.
So if you ever do write a ShadAmy... think before you start using the ending of SA2 as a plot device.
harley read the rules plz, it says dont write anything that you wouldent let a 10 year old read.
you made Sonic unemotional and. . . well you know what she said earlier, i can tell you never liked SaTam.
Shendu, you are not a mod, so don't try to do their job.
I personally found this little parody to be hilarious, because it's true. Most ShadAmy (or any such pairing fics, actually) follow a similar and stupid formula, and this makes fun of it in a humorous way.
She hasn't posted anything explicit and the purpose of this was to ridicule the concept, so it's not really anything done against the rules.
I felt like this was somewhat overly, "forced" though. Like, you were trying too hard to create a parody. And unless I'm sorely mistaken, most of the people who come to this forum will only be vaguely aware of what it is creating a parody of, so it's not quite as effective.
Still, good points for pointing out basic flaws in 90% of all relationship fanfics.
Shendu, this is a parody.
Besides, I've never even seen SatAM. How can I make any judgement on it? This is based on nine out of ten ShadAmy fanfics. I can do one for Shadonic too at some point.
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I can do one for Shadonic too at some point.
Oh God. I hate those. All that spiky yaoi-ness would be enough to traumatize the several lawyers suing the writers for taking too many liberties with their property.
Please, people, don't write Shadonic. Think of the lawyers.
And Jack Thompson, too.
JT: "Those gamer idiots are now buying Sonic games, which depict graphic homosexual acts between two hedgehogs, and it's being sold to children! I have proof from this fanfiction I downloaded off the Internet! I'm forcing the ESRB to rate Sonic AO, and suing Sega for making our children suffer! They should not make another Sonic game! Or else!"
Passerby: "...or else what?"
JT: "SHUT UP!" *Passerby is litigation'd*
BRAVO.
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JT: "Those gamer idiots are now buying Sonic games, which depict graphic homosexual acts between two hedgehogs, and it's being sold to children! I have proof from this fanfiction I downloaded off the Internet! I'm forcing the ESRB to rate Sonic AO, and suing Sega for making our children suffer! They should not make another Sonic game! Or else!"
Oh dear god... doesn't this guy know anything about ANYTHING? Clearly now if he's taking a fan's interpretion/most primeval desires as canon.
I don't even need to put sex in the fic to make it a 'typical' Sonadow fic. I sure didn't need it for the ShadAmy fanfic.
"Oh dear god... doesn't this guy know anything about ANYTHING? Clearly now if he's taking a fan's interpretion/most primeval desires as canon."
Please tell me you know Shadsy's just joking, that's not an actual qoute and you're just playing along?
if you want it to be a true sonadow, it needs to have a cleaning obsessed shadow and a slovenly sonic who doesn't even know how to use a washing machine. 
that seems popular.
That was friggin hilarious. Kinda on the same line as the movie Scream. I know what I just said makes no sense to most people, but the point of Scream was to do what Harley did with this. Parody! Excellent parody too.
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I know what I just said makes no sense to most people, but the point of Scream was to do what Harley did with this. Parody!
Thus making Scary Movie a parody of a parody, which is pretty funny all in itself.
Uh, no, I thought 'Shadsy' was serious.
So sue me. My sense of humour has long been crippled by a monotone voice, and I only get it if it's as obvious as Pamela Anderson's implants.
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Thus making Scary Movie a parody of a parody, which is pretty funny all in itself.
Thus also making Shriek! If you know what I did last Friday the 13th a parody of a parody of a parody.
Well. I think it's funny. Do a SonAmy parody. Or do a Sonadow. Both are rather annoying and I'd love to see them ripped off. XD
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So sue me. My sense of humour has long been crippled by a monotone voice, and I only get it if it's as obvious as Pamela Anderson's implants.
They're implants? oO
But seriously, funny little fic you got there, Harley, twisted in it's own unique way. ^_^
Now, all you have to do is satisfy the masses and produce a SonKnuxShad fic. o_o
Actually, such a thing already exists. It was pretty good. Knuckles kills Sonic and Shadow and then himself at the end.
Now Sonic/Knuckles/Shadow/Rouge... that would be something worth reading. To a guy.
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Now Sonic/Knuckles/Shadow/Rouge... that would be something worth reading. To a guy.
It depends who's on the receiving end of the inevitable foursome.
Nice one, Harley. I hate most of the relationship FFs on FF.net anyways, because every reason you just said.
Once I saw an especially awful Sonic/Tails one. It was depressing, in that oh-my-God-this-is-disgusting kind of way. It was very... detailed. I never finished it.
I actually laughed out loud at this, it was brutally obvious, over the top, and downright silly.
The perfect ShadAmy fic!
