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Do not be a jerk like you were on the Tails gone bad fanfic.

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Give us reason to NOT try and clean up your work (which you're calling "be[ing] a jerk" for some reason), and maybe we'll leave well enough alone. You're never going to get better if you don't accept constructive criticism - for instance, your sprite comics got much better when you started doing some of the things we'd suggested...

I do not see how the other fan-fic was so bad. Are you'll fan-fic haters? They're is nothing wrong with this one and the other one. How do you expect me to improve?

Well, you can stop defending your fanfic outright and claiming it to be the Holy Grail of all fanfiction, for one. Nothing's perfect. At all. Except God, but this isn't about Him. Everything has flaws that could be improved upon. Fixing them instead of defending them is how you make things better.

And no, we're not fan-fic haters. We're just trying to help you get better.

I suspect that this is the work of someones joke account; however, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. What you need is a premise and a plotline, not just one OOC exchange of dialogue, which is abrupt and completely out of the blue.

First, ask yourself: what is the premise of this story? Is it that Tails and Cream are ejected from the team for some offense, because they are simply underage (this seems unlikely, since theyre all very young) or that they are engaged in some sort of males vs. females competition? If both, then how does one lead to the other? Especially since no one in the canon is particularly mature to begin with.

Following that, you should outline, or at least mentally compose, a series of scenes, events, and dialogues that explain and elaborate upon the situation, and thus tell the story. Especially if characters are behaving in a peculiar or unexpected manner, you should explain their motivations and reasons for saying or acting as they do. Here is an example, made on the fly.

Scene one:
Introduction
The characters are enjoying time off, and are playing games of the sort one would expect (I would assume theyre crashing in Tails place, since I dont think anyone else really has a home except maybe Rouge): perhaps foosball (hmm, maybe when they get to college, eh?), or something on the Playstation 2, like a fighting game ala Tekken. Maybe Amy beats Sonic using a female character, and Sonic remarks that Amy is playing a cheep (cheese or broken) character that is overpowered. Tails, being Tails, agrees with Sonic heartily, and points out that no female character of that size and build should be so strong. Cream takes exceptional offense (though why, I cant imagine maybe the others just brush it off, but Cream takes it personally), and they argue. Go from there wherever you want

This first scene in full helps to set the mood and the scene for what is going on, and provides an opportunity for the thinking processes, motivations, and intentions of the characters to be n display for the reader. It also offers the opportunity for character interaction and dialogue to flesh out the scenario and give the reader a handle on what is going on. It should be done in proper third person narrative, of course, and not script format. Because, even for joke fics, script format blows chunks and dies.

What you have here, now, is not a fanfic. It is several lines of out of context dialogue. This is as much a fanfic as a broken piece of wood is a house. Can you imagine this being published? You should model what you present for people to read in the likeness of a novel, novella, or published short story. Do this, even only in the vaguest sense, and you will generally be treated with more respect and dignity by any community of fellow readers or writers.

make it a HELL of a lot longer? o.o

What Shadow Hog and especially what Capn Chryssalid said.

"I do not see how the other fan-fic was so bad."

It was bad because it lacked

• Accurate characterisation;
• Motives for anything that happened;
• All but the bear minimum description;
• Appropriate pace;
• Natural and believable dialogue;
• Any shred of credibility;
• context
• A plot;
• And basically everything that makes a story a story.

Maybe, just maybe, you could fix all of these problems by actually sitting down and thinking about what you're writing for more than about two seconds. Put it this way: if someone else had written this piece of fiction and you read it, would you feel satisfied? Or would you just feel like you'd wasted the 30 seconds of life that it took to read it? For anyone with any literary taste whatsover, the answer is clearly the latter.

Here's a tip. Next time you want to write something, write it (making sure to actually plan it, develop it and give it depth, obviously) and then leave it for a while. And by a while I don't mean five minutes. I mean a few weeks, maybe even months. Just forget about it for a while, then come back. Re-read it and try to do so from the perspective not of yourself, the author, but of the reader. Had you done this with your previous attempts, you might (I hope) have seen what utter superfluous bilge they are. Of course, you can never take a completely objective view of your on work, but at least this way might allow you to see some of the flaws (of which there are many) in your writing and correct them.

Besides, if you don't want our help in improving it, why post it on a forum at all? The whole purpose of forums is to discuss something and in the case of amateur creative works, the best discussion than can be had is on what was good, what was bad and how to improve it. If you're so horribly misguided as to thing nothing can be done to improve your work (even professional authors don't write perfect stories, and you are astronomically far from their level of ability), then why not stick it up on a website, either your own or a fiction hosting site, where the emphasis is less on discussion and more on simply reading the works presented?

The whole thing's a bit confusing as well, SET.

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I suspect that this is the work of someones joke account

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nope, he's just newish to the place.

"nope, he's just newish to the place."

I think the statue of limitations of newbieness is up for ol' SuperExplosiveTails here. The guy seems allergic to hints and valid criticism and all he ever reponds to either with is by ignoring it.

This isn't a fanfic, this is spam, and not even clever spam at that.

You thought I was kidding last time?
Seriously, every time you write this great an offense against literature God kills [insert your favorite small,cute animal here].

Please SET, listen to what these people have to say. Do it for the ____________.