Thanks. Do you want your previous posts copied in here?

thanks? for what? by the way, yes. i would like that.

is it possible for you to do that?

Prologue:
The year is 2047. The popular detective named Silver is just getting back to his house after the strangest request is asked by...

Beginning: It is late at night. Silver the time-traveling detective is getting back from a long 5 year case. He is just about to enjoy a break, when a mysterious call.... "Hello?" Asked Silver. "It is Eggman."

"I would like you to hunt down a small purple hedgehog." Asked Eggman. "What's in it for me!?" Asked Silver. "Why, $5000 dollars!" "Ill take it!"

The purple hedgehog was named Quicksilver. He was friends with Knuckles. But when they were hanging out, Silver had already planned a surprise attack on Quiksilver...

How do you like it so far? ill do more later.

omg (oh my gosh) i just tripleposted! anyway, holding 5 people voting contest and kost voted storie will be the one i write next

If I were you I'd really start using the edit button before you get another warning from a mod. If you look it's under the date on the left column under your username, next to reply.

Also good work on writing the passage. Like people said before, it needs fleshing out a bit, but it's much easier to read with the spacing and the absence of emoticons.

Oh hay look I edited.

If you want to copy any thing from your other topics, they can be found here. They were moved so as not to clutter the front page of Carnival Island with unnecessary topics.

While I'm here, I will advise you to not get so offended when people criticise your works. Granted, some people (most notably Pachamac and Wonderbat) were being jerks about it, but for the most part the critique posted was valid and not insulting. The main point of this sub-board is to showcase your works for criticism: people point out what's wrong with your work and by considering that criticism and taking it in your stride you can make your later works better, like you've started to do by not using emoticons and including paragraphs.

EDIT:

Also, we generally prefer people to edit posts rather than posting a new one if they want say something but theirs is the last post in the thread. Here's a screenshot showing you where the edit button is:

Clicking that link brings up a page where you can change the contents of a post without making a new one, which you should do if no-one else has posted since you last did. For example, say you want to reply to this post. Then it's okay to make a new post in this topic because I have the last post. However, if after you reply you think of something that you forgot to say, rather than replying again, you would edit your post.

Finally, to certain other people involved in this malarkey (you should be able to work out who you are): cut the crap. Most people were in line with their comments and criticisms, which is good. However, one or two of you posted things that were genuinely insulting and only served to rile up LWS even more, and that's NO GOOD.

Quicksilver was a criminal. He and Silver didn't know each other, Even though they were long lost brothers. And they had different natures. Silver was a famous detective, but quicksilver was a criminal. That, was Egg-man's plan. It was a normal day for quicksilver he was just hanging out with his friends.

Silver was getting ready to launch a surprise attack on Quicksilver. Silver grabs Quicksilver on his shoulders, does a back flip with him in his hands swings him around, and tosses him over the high way."There was something about that hedgehog that was familiar to me." silver said. silver went back to his house and called back Egg-man."What? who is it, I'm busy right now!" Said Egg-man. "Oh, i was just telling you i got the hedgehog." Replied Silver. "Did you capture him?" Asked Egg-man. "Well, uh, no." Replied Silver. "Well get going!"

TO BE CONTINUED

how do ya like that!?

i like the phrase "When you drop a smart bomb you might hurt a rubber piggy."

I think you need to clarify the backstory a bit. When I read this I was wondering how Silver would be launching a suprise attack on someone he didn't know.

Then later reading lead me to assume Eggman hired Silver to track down Quicksilver.

Leaving such huge leaps of plot to the audience is bad storytelling, worthy of Haruhi-Sama. Be sure to write down every detail of the plot you invision, otherwise outside readers will not understand it.

Ah, so this is the next section of the story I see.

I like where you described how Silver throws Quicksilver across the highway.

Take in Craig's critisisms and you're well on your way.

And maybe remember your capital letters after the full stops (or periods, depending on what section of the world you live in). You've mostly got that sorted but there are a couple of them missing!

I edited it! Maybe if you check eggman has turned into Egg-man.

Can I ask you how long it takes you to write your fanfiction?

well, ussually about a half hour at least. why do you ask?

I'm confused, why did you change Eggman's name to "Egg-man"? I've never seen this term used for his name before. Where did you pick it up?

I'm curious, as I consider myself very knowledgeable on all Sonic stuff and have yet to cross this useage.

Tip: Open some sort of typing document, Microsoft Word will do. There, start your story, build it up and flesh it out. Work on it bits and pieces at a time. Have a break. Go back to it, edit things you may not like. It's all good, because Microsoft Word will pick up most grammatical errors for you.

And then when you feel you may need help or want a review, post it up on the board then and that way we'll help you, and quite possibly take you more seriously.

Don't forget: Explain details in the story. Why is Quicksilver a criminal? Why is Eggman now Egg-man? These questions and more probably won't have to be asked at all if you spend the time thinking things through and explaining these details in the story so that your audience knows what's going on.

All right, I think that's enough being serious for me. I'm gonna go crash.

Ok, but why i dont use word is because thats the weakest way to get your stories "out there" and why is eggman egg-man? because i ran my storie through a spell check and eggman wasnt exceptable.

i don't see why you think word isn't going to help you. most writers i know write up plot summaries in rough form first on paper, then flesh it out by writing it up on programmes like word.
nothing stopping you from writing it there, then copy-pasting it onto the forums.

as for it correcting eggman, of course it did.. it's not a word in the dictionary. get the spellchecker to ignore words like people's names.

Better yet, if you do use Word (or any other decent word processor, I tend to use OpenOffice.org Writer myself) you can add things like names to the custom dictionary so not only will it not complain about Eggman, if you mistype it as, say, Egmman, it'll pick that up and offer to correct it.

How is it the weakest way to get your stories out there?

It's just a simple matter of copy and paste, and voila.

Indeed, word will correct stuff that shouldn't be corrected. My little cousin found that out the hard way when it put more WRONG words into his little stories than it took out.

~Tobe

yes... i seem to be catching on. but what i mean by out there is that some people have had to stories in movies cause the made it in a place where lots of people would read it. oh, and the reason silver got to someone he didnt know was that, well, can anyone of you name another purple hedgehog from sonic stories? this is a sonic storie even though it doesnt seem like that. cause this is just about mobius except im adding a new character to be the main one. i can definitly prove that by including more regular sonic characters in this next chapter. i know i havnt writen here in like, a month but thats cause my b-day is in less than a week and i beleive its highly unlikely i wont get very many posts here in a month cause im no where close to even finishing my FIRST story.

"That darn fart button." Check me out at www.LWSrocks.piczo.com!

Sorry for the double post.... YAY!!!! I LIKE KOOPAS! anyways, yesterday was my birthday! oops! (Not the main subject) the coming soon story sonic in the future is having its name replaced by sonic boom. and i had a breakthrough idea for the current story's sequel. this will all depend on Quiksilver DX's end. but, it is years after the ending event of Quiksilver DX, and quiksilver switches his main focus from evil, to good. during a mission, he meets new freinds and foes, but after all the emeralds were destroyed, it unleashed a dark power called the chaos control. quiksilver gets exposed to the chaos control and silver must battle out with the new and improved....... STEALTH QUIKSILVER! but heres the next part of quiksilver dx...

*zoooooooom!* "huh? what was that?" silver thought to himself as a blue blur passes by the tree hes hiding in. it was sonic, our favorite hero! "hey uhh, quiksilver..... would... ya know.... this might sound gay.... i dont mean this as a date.... your.... uhh.... invited to.... my.... uhh.... party! ummm...... quiksilver?" sonic said. silver was hiding in a bush watching the whole thing. "WHAT? HIS NAME IS..... QUIKSILVER????" said silver. "this is getting good!" he said again, chomping down a bag of popcorn. of course, silver and sonic AND silver wer'nt the only people seeing it, "egg-man" (just a joke) was watching silver from a camera, and therefore watched it too. (off topic: ya know where it says koopa above the reply/edit thing? how do i type under the koopa?) this made it highly dangerous for quiksilver....... but silver doesnt even know that hes just gotten himself deep in the mission of killing his long lost brother!

"That darn fart button." Check me out at www.LWSrocks.piczo.com!

Buh... I...

I'm stunned... actually stunned. Sonic's random cameo to invite a known criminal to his party in a very out of charactery nervous manner, the extreme joy of the name "Quicksilver", the random bag of popcorn in the bushes then the forum question dab in the middle of the story.

Are you a joke account?

This isn't an insult or me trying to gun you down, I just need to know this. My mind can't accept this as real.

Post here @ Socks. If you post the text you want to have under your name (your custom title), Rico Suave will put it there for you.

Also, I think Craig just craves some organization. I like the paragraph approach you're trying out, but save questions like the one I just answered for the end. XP

no offense craig, but zesty is kinda right. i can look back at some of your past posts, and see how obvious it is that you want everything to be in perfect order. sometimes, its good. but it can get annoying. its really helpful too! dont take this the wrong way though. i dont mean to be offensive. like how people might use low-class or offensive words when they are just trying to help me out. but, well, you get the point. except this just a story. there are a couple of explanations for the popcorn bag. lots of sonic characters are supposed to be really fast, right? silver might have ran at the speed of light to egt that stuff. and if this was a movie, or a cartoon, it would be animated probably. ya know how in many cartoons people would run through a wall, or a hedge, right? that never happens in the real world. this is fictoinal stuff. do you really go out and see super fast blue hedgehogs in red sneakers? not many people even see hedgehogs.... now, JOKE ACCOUNTS?! what do you mean by "joke account?" i have an account, and i like to make jokes, if that is what you mean. and how sonic reacted to that unusual invitation was supposed to be a comedic part of the story. i thought of a new villain who is supposed to observing quiksilver and/or silver for eggman. sorta how doom's eye follows shadow around in the game "shadow the hedgehog" have it for ps2. it ROCKS!

Mod edit: Copied text from double post:

sorry for the double post, but choose.

finish quiksilver DX
write: Sonic Origins
write: Shadow the Hedgehog

LWS you've been asked not to double post. I've shown you where the edit button is, please use it. For your convenience I've copied the text from the extraneous post into the previous one.

ok. sorry. i have really bad memory though. im, like, 8 yrs. old. not that many years for me to remember.

next chapter!

It was Sonic's party. Silver brought a present so that it would be more appropriate when he showed up. Quiksilver started to sweat really hard during a chat with Knuckles, about Silver. This was because he saw Silver there.

He ran to the restroom. Knuckles became suspicous about Silver, AND Quiksilver. Eggman used his Signature Sattelite Ship overhead, to overhear, what was going on at the party. He ran in real quick and told silver, "Listen. Before you attack Quicksilver, EXTERMINATE SONIC!" Silver slipped a gun out of his pocket and through of his trenchcoat as everybody gasped in shock and sonic cut his eyes. "EVERYBODY EVACUATE NOW!" Silver yelled as he started banging everyone, everywhere. and quiksilver and sonic dodged every bullet.

Once Silver was out of ammo, he said, "DANGITT! WHERE THE HECK ARE THOSE 2 FREAKIN HEDGEHOGS!" as Sonic tapped Silver on the shoulder with quiksilver right next to him and quiksilver said "lookin for us!?" when he turned around they zoomed away. silver stuck another pack of ammo and blasted the walls trying to follow them as they ran around the building.

The two gave each other a high five wile running. and once Silver was Out 'O ammO, His eyes followed sonic and quiksilver then they split up and silver's eyes got tired. he fell to the floor. right then, eggman crashed. silver was trashed. that was when eggman said.....

"YOU FELL FOR IT! MY PLAN WORKED! I DONT WANT QUIKSILVER GONE THAT BAD. BUT IF HE WAS BEING ATTACKED, HE WOULD SURE FIGHT BACK! KILLING SILVER. I KNEW YOU WERE THE MAN FOR THE JOB!" silver, sonic, and quiksilver all started beating up eggman. it worked. (sorry im bad at battle scenes)then eggman said, "i... knew it... you two.... are very much..... very much like brothers..... the brothers.... that... you.... ARE.

to be continied. (sequel in development)

This next story is about the carnivore war. In this story, Knuckles will show which side he is on. Eggman's, or Sonic's.

Proluge: Sonic is armed and ready for a big fight.

Sonic's Army: Leaders: Sonic, Sally, Rotor, and bunnie rabbot. The rest: Tails, Amy, Antoine, and Cream

Eggman's Army: Eggman, Egghawk, And the S.W.A.T.B.O.T.S..

Chapter 1: The captain of the G.U.N. army team had captured a gray chaos emerald. He though a "fair way to settle this" was WAR.

After he declared the War on them, That was when it all started.

After he declared the War on who? You didn't specify who "them" are.

Also, what is he settling? He just captured the gray emerald. That's not a matter which needs settling.

maybe i should stop the story. i was just looking for a story to involve the "Echidna tribe" in. and i took "carnivore war" from a comic somewhere in here. maybe between stories or posts ill make an "episode" i made up of AoSTH.

the gun captain wanted more of the emeralds. most were caught by his enemies. he declared war on those who had emeralds. then he would use the emeralds to create someone and/or something strong enough to destroy every single enemy that wasnt killed during the war.

i was inspired by:

the Echidna Tribe
Shadow the game

"That darn fart button" check me out at www.LWSrocks.piczo.com.

jesus christ is it so much to ask that someone posts in here!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????

Yes, it is too much to ask when you do it that rudely. People will post if they have anything to say. Do not bump up a topic just to whine that you want people to post in it; that is not good etiquette and it is against the rules. Do not do it again.

Congratulations on learning to use the edit button.

Thanks, for the edit button comment. And at least i used the edit button instead of double-posted. and even though you said that asking for people to post in here was a rude comment, thanks for posting in here. anyways, yes. i decided that i will offically stop my carnivore war thing. but it will be replaced with any one of these which are your choice.

SONIC and the secret rings
SONIC and the mystic scrolls
SONIC and the echidna tribe
SONIC and the attack of CHAOS
SONIC and the attack of the S.W.A.T.B.O.T. army.
SHADOW origins
SHADOW the black arms attack
SHADOW finds the chaos emeralds
SHADOW vs. SONIC a voting contest

The CHAOS attack or hte SWATBOT army.

I love your fight scenes, dude. <3

thanks for the compliment kitsune, but i was hoping for the echidna tribe or mystic scrolls. and secret rings being one of my very old attempted fanfics. but if you're sure you want one of those two, Ive already planned out the swat bot one. if previews or sneak peeks are allowed, id like to say this will be one of the first stories other than the 1999 series "sonic underground" to introduce sonic's brother manic, and his sister Sonia.

here we go!

SONIC and the S.W.A.T.B.O.T.S. attack

Prologue: Eggman is plotting and planning for one of his most devious projects. The whole human race will be fallen victim of his devious storm machine that will turn every human being into a robot. And pollute the city with metal scraps of defeated robots. But the entire beginning of the swat bot race, will start of by his handmade ones, and stop Sonic the Hedgehog.

Chapter 1: Sonic arrived home from a long battle in the city zone involving Eggman's "Missile Wrist" robot. He could hear Manic and Sonia Practicing for the band upstairs. Sonic grabbed his guitar and burst into the room. He was Ready for a big concert. It was a week from then. Sonic and the gang did whatever they could to promote their "Sonic the Band" concert.

Eggman Clashed his hands together and said to himself "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" THIS IS JUST PEEEEEEEERFECTTT. THAT SSSONICC WILLLLLLLLL PAYYY." For what? For all the times he foiled Robotnik's plans. But Eggman's nest revolution, will be Sonic's toughest battle yet"ttttt."

Eggman's ship took off and parachuted out the red swat bot team. This will be hard, but then again, it is only, THE BEGGINING.

If i do say so myself, its a good start. but barely a REAL WORK in progress.

Dude, I don't think that's what SX meant.
Anyway, I'll give you my thoughts.
You don't set up your plot. Seriously. Things just don't happen out of the blue. It devolops. Take some time to play things out. It's not a bad thing to have a lot of chapters.

Anytime, LWS.

Guys he's no longer with us

... for a week. He'll be back. >.>

Hopefully he'll have posted some new gems for us to read. <3

Don't know what you mean by "gems," SX, but I hope you're using that term loosely. o.-

Obviously he means the Infinity Gems!

Or the white life force diamond?

Quote:

---

ok. sorry. i have really bad memory though. im, like, 8 yrs. old. not that many years for me to remember.

---

Guys, I know he's banned for the moment, but aren't you supposed to be 13 to post here on the boards? You know? Just a thought.

No. It is not required for posters to be 13.

I thought in order to give info about yourself on the internet, you had to be 13 due to some law passed in the US.

I'm not an expert on the laws, but if the parents do some silly signage on a paper and then fax it in someplace, it's at least fine by Ezboard.

Or the 8 year old in question can just click YES I AM 13 YEARS OF AGE OR OVER

We've had mods his age before now. Do you really think we give a toss about EzBoard's age restrictions? :O

What Nuch said.

Fact: just because EZboard says you need to be 13 or over does not prevent someone younger than that from saying they are 13 or over and getting accepted anyway. People have tried to use the argument that we shouldn't have an "all-ages" ruleset because nobody younger than 13 should be on here anyway, but as we can see, there have been and there will be children who visit this board, so that argument is worthless.

That said, he's already banned and for reasons that have been clearly stated, so it isn't like this is different from any of the other bans that have ever been done.

That's not my point. I know a lot of people don't like gamefaqs/gamespot, but over there you will be banned INSTANTLY if you are even joking about being underage. They won't unban you unless you have PROOF that you are over 13.
I know this is the MoFo and things run differently here, but the principal is based on that law. I don't agree with what Terg and Nuch are saying, *Shrug* but they're mods and I'm not so I guess I don't have much input here, do I?