This fanfiction has been rewriten!!! I hope you all enjoy it and laugh to your hearts content, but I could also settle with even a slight chuckle. ^_^ Thank you for reading Sonic Wars!!!
Before I comment on this chapter... I need to go find out if being hipocritical is against the rules.
Ramza, I'm afraid your fic is not very entertaining at all. Random, whimsical humor is great when used properly, but you relied on it too much and you weren't actually humorous. Your lazy script format almost completely forgoes any descriptive writing and makes the story boring and difficult to follow. Lastly, it seems that you haven't done much proofreading, as you frequently make grammatical and spelling errors. I strongly suggest you at least attempt to address all these points before continuing your story.
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Before I comment on this chapter... I need to go find out if being hipocritical is against the rules.
People do it all the time here.
TO Deckman92: Um... duh... The point of this fanfic was to make no sense at all... well, maybe a little sense, but not much. You obviously have no sense of humor.
To Readers: The next installment is being writen by Ksemanr... thus it will most likely be a while before you see the next installment... Sorry if that makes ANY of you dissappointed... if I even have any readers... >_>
Crackfic perhaps? If that's the case, even crackfics have to make sense in their non-sensical ways. >>
And also, scripts=bad. Just try and use descriptive wordplay, it makes things easier to read and more interesting. Other than that, I have no opinion right now.
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TO Deckman92: Um... duh... The point of this fanfic was to make no sense at all... well, maybe a little sense, but not much. You obviously have no sense of humor.
Excuse me. Don't throw a poorly-constructed personal insult at me just because I give you some critique. If I tell you that I don't think your story is good and how I think you can improve it, take it for the help it is instead of trying to fight about it. Making your story nonsensical does not make it funny, and not finding it funny does not indicate that I have no sense of humor.
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if I even have any readers... >_>
You want to know why you don't have any readers? Because your story isn't funny, and when people tell you so, you tell them you have no sense of humor.
Act your age.
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Excuse me. Don't throw a poorly-constructed personal insult at me just because I give you some critique. If I tell you that I don't think your story is good and how I think you can improve it, take it for the help it is instead of trying to fight about it. Making your story nonsensical does not make it funny, and not finding it funny does not indicate that I have no sense of humor.
That was not critique, that was just insults. Shut the [implied] up. If your going to critque actually critique his work instead of insulting it and being an *sshole about it. If all your going to do is insult him like that then shut up and leave him be and don't post in his threads. You're not helping him with your so called "critique" at all.
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That was not critique, that was just insults. Shut the [implied] up. If your going to critque actually critique his work instead of insulting it and being an *sshole about it. If all your going to do is insult him like that then shut up and leave him be and don't post in his threads.
lol, wow at no point can it be seen that deck was or has insulted the original poster. What he was doing was critiquing Ramza's work. Deck has valid opinions that was shared by others and has gone into detail on how this work can be improved. You throwing insults, calling deck an arsehole (whilst trying to censor dodge a word that is not censored) and telling him to shut the f**k up makes you look very foolish.
Also are you a mod or admin? No? Well you don't have the right to tell anyone to and not to post in a topic.
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You're not helping him with your so called "critique" at all.
Are you saying that Ramza is beyond help and cannot accept critiquing? if that is so then he/she shouldn't post here. And if you can't also accept critiquing then it is you shouldn't post the continuation of this "fanfic" here either.
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Act your age.
@ kse. From your ez profile it says you are 18, if this is true than 3dots
Creo put it eloquently, but I would like to add a few things:
Just because I don't give your stories glowing reviews doesn't mean I hate your guts and wish to insult you. I could have called his fanfic a piece of crap and not said another word. Instead, I told him exactly which aspects I thought were wrong in a blunt and straightforward manner. I'm trying to help the guy out, and if he wants a more in-depth critique (which I don't think he does), I'll give him one.
So far, the only ones insulting anyone are you and Ramza. This kind of behavior is exactly why I divorced you, Ksemanr.
All right, just a word in edgewise from your friendly neighborhood Tergonaut.
Ramza: Don't let Deckman's critique get you upset. The fact is that this forum is more or less for "serious" fanfic or original fic development, while from what I've read this story seems to fit more into the SPA. I didn't get the chance to read much of the stuff you posted on the Eliteboard, but this has a similar flavor. This may not be the forum for you if you don't want critique. Also, even if someone thinks your fic isn't funny doesn't necessarily mean that they have no sense of humor at all; by saying that it could be considered a flame.
Deckman: I know you aren't technically doing anything wrong, but it won't hurt to be a little less blunt when writing a critique. Honesty is naturally important, but there are always better ways to express a critique so that it sounds less of an overall "this fic sucks" and more like "this has potential, try this." That said, I'm glad that you are willing to take the effort to make a critique in the first place, as not many people do.
Creo: Thank you for chiming in.
ksemanr: You're on the verge of flaming outright there, cool your jets. Deckman may not have been entirely diplomatic, but he was offering his opinion on the fic - not attacking Ramza himself. While it is a joint project between you and Ramza, nobody has the right to come in here and tell people not to post anywhere, nor the right to attack people - even in defense of friends. I also recommend to you that if this story is going to continue much like the first post, then you might find a better audience in the SPA, because here you will get critique and you may not like what you hear.
Bottom line: Let's all get along, friends and writers, this forum's big enough for all of us.
Basically what Tergobutt said. Ramza, cool your keister before I do, you post here for critque. If you don't want it, specify.
Deck, stop being so abrasive with new writers. This is WHY the writing community is... well not. Because just like with artists when some new kid tosses something up they get hit with scathing, abrasive critics that probably couldn't do any better themselves.
Everyone just cool it, as another rabbit once said, "If ya can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."
~Tobe
Well to me, bluntly saying that his work is not entertaining, not funny at all, just nonsense, and judging it just cause its in script form and doing the same to his other story too seems to me like nothing but insults to Ramza and his writing. Sorry for overreacting, but he could at least reword things to be less blunt and not sound so mean and directed towards Ramza.
I'm gonna throw in my two cents and say I didn't even read this. (I did however read the entertaining spat that has followed, but that's neither here nor there.)
I Didn't not read it because it looked bad, or because I didn't like the concept, or anything like that. Heck, I can only guess what it's about from the title, because I didn't get that far.
The problem? The script format. It's unworkable and unreadable, and not even really a proper script, even comic and movie scripts have at least some degree of description and direction to them.
If you want more readers, and hence better feedback, hence improvement, rewrite it with actual writing. Describe the locations, set the enviroment, show us the reactions of the characters. Wacky situational comedy is often enhanced by the, ya know, situation. And visual gags work just as well in a story.
To Deckman: I appologize for insulting you, but all I did was throw what you said to me back at you. You said I wasn't funny, I said you had no sense of humor. And I'm guessing that you took it the same way I did. So how does that feel?
To Acrio: Thanks for the warning. I'm just so used to script form that it's hard to write in anything else at the moment.
To Tergonaut: I understand what you are saying, and I agree that I was out of line. However, I was looking for constructive critisism, not flaming. And the SPA no longer exists...
To Toby: Sorry, but I forgot what you said...
To Ksemanr: Thanks for standing up for me, but from here on out, let me fight my own battles. Sorry for getting you involved.
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However, I was looking for constructive critisism, not flaming. And the SPA no longer exists...
QOTW please 
Anyways, I've read down to the kitten stuck in the tree... Um, you have very few grammar mistakes!
Other than that, I found this whole thing rather bland. There weren't any parts that I found funny. Not even remotely. At best, this "fanfic" is just a hodgepodge of "LOLZ WE AER SO FUNNI!!1!11!!" jokes that maybe you and your friends find funny. Situations change without any regard for the reader. Maybe it was funny in your head, but here it isn't. I'm sorry.
Actually, you can still find the SPA right here. It just gets renamed every now and then, although it does stay the same as far as rules go.
If you meant the SPA on the Eliteboard, yes, that is basically gone forever.
It really isn't funny? This is the only place I've ever heard that it wasn't funny... And it's been a lot of places... O_o?
Links please then... We need physical proof of these "other places".
I've read the fic, and there's just...I couldn't feel like I could care about these characters. Further, the random things they did were so completely incongruous with the general "plot" as well as the title of the story that it didn't feel like there was any unity at all.
I've read other entirely random stories/scripts before, but even then there are at least shreds of continuity in them. For example, WB has done various sketches (that were in script style, so it isn't like script style is wholly useless in this context) that featured a lot of hilarity, like one in a bar in the Sailorness District where the Evil Admins and Mods were at work plotting, all the while being distracted by the various Sailors and their quirky obsessions (like Sailor Orange and her impulse to like anything orange). Unfortunately, I'm not sure if that could be recovered since it was loooooong before the EZhack when that was done, and I wish I had a better example of his style of posts that truly were brilliant yet featured almost entirely random happenstance.
Most of the random stuff that happened here didn't even get a "What the heck?!" sort of initial reaction from me, which I will often do right before bursting out laughing. But the combination of a lack of care for characters and a lack of continuity just didn't do it for me.
Script style is salvageable, but there has to be more "stage" direction to let people know where the characters are. Again, this forum usually features more intense prose, and its readers aren't necessarily your average online teenager who will laugh at nearly anything with two teeth on the Internet. A script style done well can do wonders.
This is very much going to be a re-iteration of what's already said, but perhaps an additional review will help convince you. And yes, I did read through this all to see what the fuss was about.
This is definitely lacking. We're given scant little to work with in terms of scene setting. As Crims said, situational comedy tends to work a lot better if there's a good picture of the situation.
It's got an extremely low level of originality. Pretty much all the elements of humour found in this are tired and overused, and have been done to death everywhere else. Of course, originality is hard to come by these days, so it'd have been forgiveable if the gags in use were done in a fresh new way. But they aren't. The most glaring examples are how Sonic's portrayed. Implied homosexuality and being useless at what he's meant to be good at have been done to death everywhere else already.
As a webcomic script writer, I know how hard it can be trying to come up with entertaining material. It isn't easy, as people come to expect you to always have a new and hilarious gag up your sleeve every day/week/month (delete as appropriate). I know some of the stuff I've written so far isn't completely original - slagging off a Windows OS, anyone? But I like to think it was presented in a way that was entertaining. I know it's made people laugh, and not just folk who are friends of mine and may just be doing it not to hurt my feelings.
The main problem with using a script format in this context is that a script is all it is, and a very thin one at that. It doesn't have any sort of imagery to go with it, and the descriptives given along the way are not nearly enough to help the reader paint a picture of what's going on. There's no description of facial expressions, not even any description of tone of voice. Heck, for all we know, half the time the characters might be being completely and utterly sarcastic.
As Terg said though, that doesn't mean the format is flawed. A script format can work, and indeed has worked for some of the more hilarious stuff I've read before. I'd encourage you to keep writing, but put some more thought and effort into it. You've certainly the capacity for coming up with random humour at least - you just need to work on what you do with the ideas you come up with.
And as an aside/nitpick, it's a stylus - not a stylist. That's a person who does your hair. ;p
~SilverShadow/Ash Fox.
Well, Ksemanr and I have dicided to scrap this idea and possibly rewrite it. To tell the truth, I knew it wasn't great, but I didn't know it was down-right terrible... My When Shippo Attacks fanfic is still my best work, it appears... Curses! Will I ever top that!?
RAMZA, THAT WAS AN AWESOME CHAPTER!!!!!! KEEP WRITING!!!!! I CRACKED UP COUNTLESS TIMES!!!!!!!!!
Hey, maybe there could like be a stronger weapon than a DS stylist, the WII-MOTE!
O_o? So is it good, or bad? I don't get it...
Obviously, only Socks likes it. I can't tell you whether it's good or not, though from what little I skimmed, it doesn't seem very interesting to me. Everybody has their opinion, Ramza. It's up to you whether to decide whether it's good or bad.
Heck, I've been working on a story on and off for more than a year now, and I'm not sure how to really end it. XD
Ramza, Socks is 8 years old. If your target demographic is 8 year olds then you should be fine based on his reaction. But I'd imagine that wasn't who you were aiming at.
Based on the greater percentage of people giving you in-depth reviews stating that it wasn't particularly funny and giving you some advice on how to improve, I'd say it's safe to assume it wasn't all that brilliant. ;p
I see. Well, it will most likely be rewriten, but I'm not sure what to do with this trashed fanfic... Should I just take it down?
Doing nothing works on every occasion. No need to worry about removing things.
Now this may seem odd, but I would like to thank everyone who at least read a little bit of the old Sonic Wars. That is except for Deckman. Thanks to you, I have now turned it completely around and am actually proud of the new fanfiction. I should be done with the first chapter in a few days. I'm on page 12 as it is. That's the longest chapter I've ever done, save for Phantom Tails chapter 1 which was over 300 pages long... I will be posting it in small parts so that I have enough time, seeing as I'm on a library computer and all... I thank you all very much. *bows*
Dude, why do you keep hating on Deck? He said basically what everyone else said Oo.
Let's not get into all that again. Rico and I pretty well covered that situation in our posts already; I don't want to see any more hostility or outspokenness on that issue.
I await the first chapter of this new version of the fic.
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Dude, why do you keep hating on Deck? He said basically what everyone else said Oo.
there is nothing you can tell him that will make my comments appear any less worthless in his eyes, mr. boston. i think it's good enough that he's listened to other people who can help him. don't you?
good luck with your next installment.
Sorry for flaming you Deckman. I don't know why, but I just can't seem to get along with you...
Sonic Wars
Episode#1: The Phantom Tails
By: Ramza the Fox
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, something happened. However, that has absolutly nothing to do with this story.
This story takes place in the nearby future of that one year. But I can't really remember that year. It was a good year. Space travel was now at a premium, and almost everyone owned a spacecraft. New planets had been discovered, as well as new life. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I think. Let's start this story somewhere around the start.
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It all started when war broke out among the Space Pirates and the Galactic Federation. THe Space Pirates were an alliance of all the Pirate crews wandering space. The Galactic Federation was the universal union of the colonized planets and space. This is the story about two Pirates, a Cat and a Hedgehog.
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Kei was busy repairing a conduit in the baths of the Pirate Starship Azgarde. The conduit controlled the hot water to the men and women's baths. He had just finished fixing the conduit, when a voice came over the intercom.
"Kei, come to the Storytime Room when you're done!" said the voice.
Kei looked up at the intercom and sighed heavily. It was his turn to tell a story in the Storytime Room. He was going to tell a scary story about an Elf boy with no help.
Kei dropped his wrench and began to head for the Storytime Room, when he ran straight into a young Cat boy. It was his best friend, Raditz the Cat. Raditz was a yellow Cat with very curly hair. He was wearing the standard uniform for a Pirate soldier. This consisted of a cyberplastic breastplate and red jumpsuit.
Raditz was knocked back quite a ways by their light impact. He was slammed into a bulkhead and fell to the ground. Raditz then ran at Kei and lightly bumped into him again, sending him flying through a window and jettisoning himself into outer space. However, he had an extra life, so he was ok.
"Hey! Big fat little lady!!!" yelled Raditz as he stood two inches from Kei's air.
Kei raised an eyebrow at Raditz' statement. "I'm not a... whatever you said. I've got to go to the Storytime Room." said Kei.
"But it blew up five years ago five years from now!" stated Raditz.
"Huh?" questioned Kei.
"We're in the middle of a battle, you know." stated Raditz.
"We are?" asked Kei.
Only then did he notice all the explosions and alarms. Kei then startd running down hallways that always seemed to lead to the same place, and actually did, but it was funny to watch, so no one told them that they were running in circles. They eventually got to the bridge, somehow. Kei ran up to the Captain of the Azgarde. He was a tall old man named Orlandu Blossom. He was wearing a spandex shirt that showed his musculature. He was also wearing brown jeans and boots.
"Captain Blossom, what's going on!?" aksed Kei.
Orlandu looked at Kei, then gave a low "hmph!". "We're being attacked by the galactic Federation for cutting in the line to get to Dante's Pizza. The fact that they caught on to us must mean that there's a spy in our midst!!!" yelled Orlandu.
"Yeah, because they couldn't have seen us do it or anything..." stated Kei.
Orlandu glared at Kei. "You're awefully quick to be pessimistic... Maybe you're the spy." said Orlandu.
"It's sarcasm, not pessimism." stated Kei.
"Alright then, who is the spy?" asked Orlandu.
At that moment, Raditz started jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air. "Ew, ew, me! Pick me!" yelled Raditz.
"You're the one who stole my cookies!!!?" yelled Orlandu. Orlandu then button mashed, jettisoning Raditz into outer space, but, luckily, he was sucked into a blackhole. "Takes care of that underwear thief!" stated Orlandu.
Suddenly, the Azgarde was rocked by another explosion, which caused a random underling that no one cared about to explode into rainbows.
"What hit us!? yelled Orlandu.
In response to this question, a green and black Echidna walked up to Orlandu and pointed up. This caused Orlandu to look up. There, could be seen a woman in chinese fighting cloths.
"I'm not a woman!!!" yelled the woman, "I'm a man!"
The woman was latched to the ceiling, like some kind of ninja, mainly because she was. She dropped down in front of Kei and faced Orlandu. After a moment, they charged at eachother. The woman drew a chinese lonsword and slashed at Orlandu, somehow missing horribly. Orlandu pulled a small box out of his pocket and then the battle hardened Captain quickly got down on one knee. He openned the box, revealing an engagement ring.
"Will you marry me!!!?" yelled Orlandu.
A hand reached out and grabbed the ring. "Yes!!!" yelled Raditz. Orlandu then punched Raditz in the face, jettisoning him into outer space. Raditz was then hit by lazers, sending him flying off screne, but he still had five stock left.
The woman seemed shocked and touched. "I don't know what to say!" stated the woman, befudled.
"How about your name?" asked Kei.
"It's Kazuki! Kazuki Miamoto! And I... wait... I'm a guy! You can't marry me!" yelled Kazuki.
"But you're so beautiful! You can't be a man!" said Orlandu, "You even have a girl's name!"
"I hade wierd parents..." stated Kazuki, "But I'll take that ring!"
Kazuki stole the engagement ring and vanished, laughing, in a puff of smoke. However, when the smoke cleared, she was still there.
"Where did she go!? I can't see her!" exclaimed Raditz.
Kazuki then ran out of the room and left the ship.
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Meanwhile, on the Galactic Federation ship, their Captain was just having fun telling people what to do. The Captain of the G.F.Dauntless was a blue Hedgehog with no pants. His name was Sonic. The only clothing he was wearing was a pair of gloves and shoes. "I love the sweet breeze here! It's far out!" said Sonic.
Suddenly, a man with short messy black hair walked up to Sonic. He was a mildly tall man with swirled red eyes. He was wearing a black leather t-shirt and a fishnet shirt under it. He was also wearing black pants and shoes. When he stopped walked, "Underworld" by: Nobuo Uematsu started playing in the background. His name was Isaac Sun.
"Where is that music coming from?" asked the man to no one in particular.
"Hey, Isaac! You're looking awesome today!" said Sonic, "Have you thought about my offer?"
"No, and I never will! I'm not going to be your gay lover! yelled Isaac.
Sonic had been pestering Isaac about Isaac being straight. Isaac calmed himself and sighed.
"I have received word from Kazuki. He failed to assassinate the Pirate Captain." said Isaac.
"That pretty little thing never was very good at getting the job done." said Sonic, "Tell the men that we're pulling out right now. Let's get this overgrown bucket of bolts out of here!"
"Yes, sir!" saluted Isaac.
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As the G.F.Dauntless started to pull away, Orlandu ordered the launch of the most powerful weapon that the Pirates had, the D.S. Stylus.
The D.S. Stylus flew at the retreating ship, but missed and hit a small planet instead. This caused the planet to turn into a Super Massive Blackhole that sucked everything into it. However, everyone used a one-up shroom to return to life, including the Super Massive Blackhole. This turned the Super Massive Blackhole into a Sandwich.
The Galactic Federation ship then made a haisty getaway, while the Pirates were distracted by the Sandwich. The Sandwich then hailed the Azgarde.
"Who are you and what did you do with my teeth?" asked Orlandu.
"I'm Mike Jones! I'm Mike Jones!" siad the Sandwich.
"Alright! We get it! You're Mike Jones!" yelled Kei.
"No! I'm a Mushroom!" yelled the Sandwich.
"Eh?" questioned the green and black Echidna.
Then, suddenly, a light appeared in the middle of the Azgarde's bridge, then a man in white robes, with long brown hair and a goatee walked into that light. The light then slowly faded away.
"It's Jesus!" exclaimed Raditz to the green and black Echidna's hand.
"Nay!" said the strange man, "I am Mark Skinner!!!"
"Aw..." sighed Raditz.
"What do you want?" asked Kei, "And don't say cookies."
"I have come from the Real World to tell you something of great importance!" proclaimed Mark.
"Great importance!?" asked Orlandu, "Hurry, tell us what it is!"
"Very well..." stated Mark, "I... am a MexiJew!"
Everyone was silent for a moment after that. Then Mark broke the silence.
"I am also supposed to tell you that you have unlocked the Sandwich Galaxy!" proclaimed Mark. After that, Mark imploded and dissapeared.
"Then off we go to Sandwich Galaxy!" cried Kei.
"No! We go to Dante's Pizza first!" yelled Raditz.
"Then it's decided! We'ew off to Dante's Pizza, then the Sandwich Galaxy!" commanded Orlandu.
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The Azgarde had soon landed at Dante's Pizza. Kei immediatly sat in the front of the resturaunt. He liked the view from the window here. Raditz quickly sat across from him.
"You really like this spot don't you?" questioned Raditz.
"Yeah! Just watch and you'll see why." said Kei.
Both Kei and Raditz looked out the window. For a while, nothing happened. However, soon, stars started exploding and it began to become dark.
"What's going on!?" cried Raditz.
"The end of the universe!" claimed Kei.
"But, then how are we still alive!?" asked Raditz.
"You got sucked into a blackhole and you're asking me how we're alive?" asked Kei.
Then a man with short straight silver hair walked up to them.
"So what do ya want?" asked the man. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but had a pendant around his neck. He was, however, wearing a pair of black pants, boots, and fingerless gloves. He had a piece of pizza hanging out of his mouth and seemed to enjoy just sucking on it.
"Still not wearing a shirt I see, eh, Dante?" stated Kei.
"He'd look stupid in a shirt though." siad Raditz.
After that comment, Dante shot Raditz in the back of his leg, jettisoning him into outer space. Luckily, he had been shot in the back of the leg, so he felt cool enough to survive.
"Are you gonna order or will I have to shoot you?" questioned Dante.
"I'll have the Devil Special." stated Kei.
"Gotcha!" exclaimed Dante. Dante then walked off to make the pizz. However, before he went to the back, he stopped and looked toward a stage in the middle of the back wall where bands would play, the music always being Rock of some kind. "King, start the show! We've got customers!"
After Dante yelled a bulbous man who could only be described as Elvis walked onto the stage. After a couple sound tests, Elvis began to sing "Blue Suede Shoes". A few cheers rose up from the crowd gathered inside of Dante's Pizza, but most of the assembled Pirates preffered other types of music than Classical Rock. However, no one booed Elvis.
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Many Pirates had gathered at Dante's Pizza. This was a natural occurance, seing as Dante's Pizza was secretly a hideout for Pirates and Outlaws. The Pirates and Outlaws had been working together for millinia. However, the Outlaws were more covert than the Pirates, usually working in one to five man groups. Very few of the Outlaws were even recognized as such by the Galactic Federation.
Kei looked around and immediatly noticed a meeting of the Captains. He couls easily recognize a few of them.
The first Captain he recognized was Miles "Tails" Prower, the youngest Captain known in history. He was a yellow Fox with two tails. He was wearing a lab coat and a black t-shirt and a pair of black pants. The second Captain was Sanic Smith, the most Emo Captain of them all. He was a purple Hedgehog with long spiky hair with an Emo fringe. He was wearing a shirt with the Chiodos logo on it and a fishnet shirt. He was also wearing trip pants and black tennis shoes. He had multiple earrings and lip rings. The third Captain was an Echidna named Gathoid Zane. He was a red Echidna with strange eyes. He was wearing a Vader shirt with a fishnet left sleeve. He was also wearing black pants with a red stripe and black Pirate shoes. The fourth Captain was Ramza Valentine, the most ruthless Captain known to the Galactic Federation. He was a black Fox with red highlights and red eyes. He had long straight black hair with an Emo fringe. He was wearing chainmail with belts wrapped around his waist. He was also waering belts all over his arms, black pants, a waist cape, and metal greaves. Another Captain was Orlandu Blossom.
Kei couldn't quite tell who the rest were, so he didn't think about it. Soon, Dante arrived with Kei's pizza. The Devil Special pizza consisted of Dragon's Blood as sauce, Catapelas Cheese, and pepperoni.
"Thanks, Dante!" said Kei. Kei looked at Dante and noticed that he was starring at the meeting Captains. "What's up Dante?" asked Kei.
"I'm wondering what their talking about." said Dante.
"Their talking about what characters are going to be in Super Smash Brothers: Mild Disagreement!" said Raditz.
"Oh, that makes sense! Maybe in your world." said Kei.
"Um, Kei... I think they really are talking about that..." stated Dante.
"Oh..." said Kei.
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The Pirates had finished their meeting and were now setting sail. Kei, Raditz, and the green and black Echidna were about to leave for the Azgarde, when Dante walked up to then. He was now wearing a red gunner's coat and had his sword, Rebellion, and his two pistols, Ebony and Ivory, in a holster on his back. He looked as if he was ready for war. He walked up to the small group of Pirates. The green and black Echidna then looked up and him and grinned, but said nothing. Dante backed away from him a little nervously.
"Hey! I'll be coming with you guys." stated Dante, "I want in on the fun."
"That's nice, but shouldn't you stay here in your resturaunt? Besides, you're an Outlaw, not a Pirate!" said Raditz.
At that moment, the green and black Echidna did a backflip, jettisoning Raditz into outer space, but, luckily, he got hit by a passing duck.
"The resturaunt can take care of itself, and my girls'll be here." stated Dante.
"Well, we're gald to have you!" claimed Kei.
The Pirates and their Outlaw friend then boarded the Azgarde, which soon launched for the Sandwich Galaxy, but little did they know that there was a stowaway.
"Thank you, thank you very much!" said Elvis.
[to be continued]
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I want to thank all of those who critisized my first work, including Deckman this time. If it weren't for all of you, this Sonic Wars would not have been created. As before, Ksemanr and I will be taking turns creating every other chapter. I hope you all can enjoy the new Sonic Wars!!!
This was a very big improvement over the first version of the fic, Ramza. It actually got a chuckle out of me here and there, especially later on in it. The fic was actually interesting enough to read all the way through, and I laughed at a couple of jokes.
You've done a complete turnaround here compared to the last version of this. Good work.
I laughed quite a lot around the middle of it.
Have you ever read any of the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy books? Certain parts of your story did have some resemblance to some parts of the books (the black hole turning to the sandwitch and the resteraunt at the end of the universe), which is by no means a bad thing.
I haven't read the books, though I have seen the TV series.
I recommend them then! They have a similar sort of nonsense humour you use, and I beleive there are some things a book just does a lot better than a series or the film (not that the film is much like the books anyway). At the very least they can give you some ideas and help you improve your writing technique even more.
Thank you! I have the book, so I will try to read it more often. Though I'm a very slow reader.
WHY DID YOU BUMP THIS AGAIN... You already got warned about it on ezBoard, why did you think you wouldn't get the same warning on YuKu?
Right now, you are just fishing for comments.
Face it, everyone who wanted to comment on it has already.
I bumped it already? I'm sorry. I must've forgot.
I must say I found it a bit amusing. It reminds me of the before-mentioned "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and the pizza place reminded me of the cafe scene in "Space Balls"... minus the "Alien" chest-buster parody.
My only gripe I have is that you don't see enough of the Sonic characters. But I imagine that'll change as time goes on.
Yeah, this is just the first chapter. I'm hoping to have this going for a while. Right now, I'm just waiting for Ksemanr to finish chapter 2. He hasn't even started yet...
Hey Ramza, you'll be glad to know I finally started chapter 2. I have about 1 1/4 pages of pure comedic gold. Well I think it's funny at least. I need to ask you about some of the GF characters first before I can write more though so yeah I'll call you after school or you call me or something.
Ok, just don't eat any more Tomato Juice while you're there.
Sorry, Ramza. Even though I barely read through a quarter of the New Sonic Wars, I thought the first version was a bit more amuzing. But as someone else in this topic had said before, everybody has their own opinion.
That's allright. I didn't expect everyone to like it. (AKA: My Mom) But At least you read it. I thank you for that. Right now, as I still wait for Ksemanr, I'm writing a Fire Emblem finfic. I haven't decided wheather or not I'll post it here though. What do all of you think?
I barely read one chapter. But what I read didn't intrest me. But through the little parts I read, I got a little snicker here and there. Congradulations! hehe!
EDIT: Ok, this time, I read all the way through Phantom Tails. It was pretty good, and once you're done with the fics you're writing, maybe we could team up sometime. I've been looking for a partner to write with. You don't have to though. I hope to see the next chapter soon!
You guys might be happy to know I actually have started working on the chapter. I have maybe about 7 pages or so done so far. I'll try to have it up soon, probably sometime between now and the next couple of weeks. Ramza will have to keep me from getting distracted to much though.
I can't wait to read the next chapter. Good luck, ksemanr!
The long awaited Chapter 2 is finally here! Enjoy!
Sonic Wars
Episode 1: The Phantom Tails
Chapter 2
By Ksemanr
The Pirate Ship Azgarde sped swiftly through the infinite reaches of space on its way to the Sandwich Galaxy. Sirens and alarms blared throughout the ship, warning anyone onboard that something undesirable was going on within the ship. These alarms went by completely unnoticed by the captain, Captain Orlandu Blossom, however, whose entire focus was concentrated on one small flashing red light in the bottom left corner of the rather large control screen of the ship. He knew that that light meant something rather important, but he couldn't quite place his finger on what exactly it was. He beckoned to one of the crew's robots, Metalix, to come over and inform him on what that blinking light was.
Metalix was a purple robot greatly resembling Sonic the Hedgehog, with sharper features, black robot like eyes with red irises lit up, and an engine in his torso. In fact he look a rather much lot like Metal Sonic, only purple.
"Hey robot, what does this little blinking light in the corner of the screen mean?" Orlandu inquired of the robot.
"That would mean that you're not wearing your seatbelt Captain. I think you ought to turn your attention to the alarms sounding right now though, as those would probably be more important at the current moment." replied the robot, rather annoyed by his Captain's lack of anything in the form of intelligence.
"Oh. And what would those alarms and flashing red lights mean exactly?"
"They mean we have an intruder onboard. A potentially dangerous intruder."
"Is that bad?"
"Yes."
"Oh…" said Orlandu as he sat back in his chair, trying to think of something to do about the current situation at hand. As he sat back his seat made a creaking noise, completely and utterly distracting Orlandu from his previous train of thought. He began to lean forwards, then lean backwards again, then lean forwards, and so on greatly amused by the creaking sound it made. The creaking sound unsurprisingly failed to amuse anyone but him, but rather greatly annoyed everyone else in the room, which were rather busy trying to track down the intruder with the ship's computer systems and could do quite well without the added noise. None of them dared say anything to him about it though, for fear of being jettisoned into space.
"Um… Captain…" interrupted Metalix hesitantly. "Shouldn't you do something about the intruder?"
"Huh? Oh, yes…" said Orlandu, briefly turning his attention away from the creaky chair in order to give an answer to Metalix. "Find him and/or her and bring him and/or her to me at once!"
"Aye, aye Captain!" Metalix replied as he gave a nod to his Captain and quickly left the room in search of the intruder. Orlandu resumed rocking back and forth enjoying the creaking sound it made until his attention was caught by a small bug scurrying across the floor. He leaped from his chair and proceeded to chase the bug around the bridge calling it his mommy.
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Kei and Raditz were walking down one of the halls of the ship conversing with each other, completely oblivious to the sirens and alarms going off and the people running around them in a panic screaming in fear. Raditz turn around to face Kei.
"Kei, how would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?" questioned Raditz.
Kei shrugged in a so-so sort of way. "It wouldn't really be that much of a surprise, what with space travel being so common and everything. It actually makes more sense if you weren't from Guildford. You're an anthropomorphic cat. Last I heard, anthropomorphic cats, or anthropomorphic anything for that matter, don't tend to come from Guildford."
"Oh..." said Raditz with a bit of disappointment.
Kei and Raditz continued down the hall towards the Storytime Room. Kei was going to tell his scary story about an Elf boy with no help, seeing as how he couldn't before, what with the Storytime Room being blown up and all. As they made their way, two large security guards walked past them escorting a bulbous man who could only be described as Elvis. Raditz ran up to Elvis and punched him in the shoulder, causing Raditz to fall down in pain clutching his stomach and screaming "My leg!!!" The guards ignored Raditz and continued towards the bridge.
After about an hour of Raditz's crying on the floor about his leg and wanting to see his orthodontist, he finally got up and acted as though nothing had happened at all. When Kei attempted to question him about it, Raditz took on a serious expression and went on about how his deoderant smells like month old cheese. Bend-It Corporations Brand Deoderant, buy yours today and smell like you don't use deoderant! Warning: May cause sleepiness, drossiness, excessive amounts of earwax, loss of respiratory and bowel control, enlargement of the feet, loss of eyes, death, dismemberment of limbs, or a slight headache. Do not give to children under the age of 47.
Kei and Raditz continued towards the Storytime Room. As they neared the Storytime Room, the black and green echidna approached them.
"Hey Intoxication, what's up?" asked Kei.
The black and green echidna whose name is now confirmed to be Intoxication started waving his hands about and making odd hand motions. He then started to point at the door to the Storytime Room then made gestures to indicate an explosion.
"What? A taco?" replied Raditz.
Intoxication shook his head and pointed to the door and made the exploding gestures again.
"You want a sandwich?" asked Kei.
"I know! It's a taco!" said Raditz.
Intoxication shook his head again and pointed at the door then he exploded.
"Oh I get it! Taco!" exclaimed Raditz.
Intoxication reformed and shook his head. He then turned into a taco.
"Oh! Someone planted a bomb in the Storytime Room and we have only five minutes to get in there and defuse it?" explained Raditz.
Intoxication shook his head no, knowing they would think it meant yes.
"Darn, I guess this means Storytime will have to be put on hold again." commented Kei. "Come on Raditz, let's go."
A tall, skinny Italian man with a mustache wearing a green shirt and hat and blue overalls ran up to the three idiots. For those of you who are too dumb to figure out who it is, it's Luigi.
"Hey-a guys, the boss-a wants you all to report-a to the bridge-a immediately." He reported to the three, then jumped down a pipe and was gone.
"Alright let's head to the bridge." said Kei.
"Ok!" yelled Raditz as he proceeded to run into the airlock and jettisoned himself into space, but he was alright because he had his Capital One card!
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Kei, Raditz, and Intoxication entered the bridge. Gathered inside were Orlandu, Metalix, Elvis, the two guards, Dante, and a green frog with a tail. Orlandu was interrogating Elvis.
"Who are you and what did you do with my eyes?"
"I ain't nothin' but a hound dog." replied Elvis.
"I am trespassing in your ship! How will you pay for your fish tacos? Credit or cash?" questioned Orlandu.
"Just let it go baby, just let it all go."
"How doth the little crocodile…" started Orlandu before he was interrupted by Metalix.
"Sir, sorry to interrupt your 'interrogation' but the others are here."
"Oh goody! I always do like a nice tea party! I'll take two lumps please!" squealed Orlandu with excitement. Raditz complied by hitting Orlandu upon the head twice with a mallet, creating two lumps on his head.
"Um sir, you were going to give those three orders, remember?" Metalix said to Orlandu.
"Ah yes! Your orders! I want you three to go explore the Sandwich Galaxy. Those three will accompany you." stated Orlandu indicating Dante, Metalix and the frog.
"You want us to take a frog with us? How's it supposed to help?" asked Kei.
'Watch your tongue you whole milk mozzarella stick! That's Froggy, Queen of Planet Farm you speak of!" boomed Orlandu.
"Uh…sorry?" replied Kei, confused.
"She's pretty!" exclaimed Raditz.
"Oh yeah I almost forgot…" said Orlandu as he pressed one of the buttons on his chair. A large, fat robot walked into the room. "This is Worker #10. He will join you on your journey. Now go forth, be conquered! Go forth and die!"
"Um, don't you mean go forth and conquer, not be conquered? And don't you want us to return alive?" asked Kei.
"Silence! You know not what you speak of! Be gone before I am forced to spread peanut butter on your nipples and lick it off with a giant spoon!" commanded Orlandu. Our heroes left the room as quickly as they could and left on their way to the Sandwich Galaxy.
The small vessel carrying our heroes made its landing in the Sandwich Galaxy. As they exited their ship, Kei took a look around their surroundings. They were standing on top of a giant double cheeseburger without onions from Wendy's. All around them he could see a variety of giant sandwiches that seemed to just float in the air, from Subway's five dollar foot-longs, to Krabby Patties, to just plain old grilled cheese sandwiches. In the distance, high above the other sandwiches he could see a Sephiroth Sandwich, a sandwich so amazing it cannot be described with words. He could faintly see something shining on the top of it.
Another small ship had now landed on the sandwich, and two men were walking towards them. One of them was the pirate captain Tails and the other was a red echidna wearing black pants and shoes and no shirt. He wore white gloves with two spikes on each glove and he had a white crescent mark on his chest. Tails walked up to our heroes to greet them.
"Hello guys. I'm Tails Prower, captain of the Tornado and this is Knuckles of the outlaws. We've come to assist you."
"Nice to meet you." replied Kei. "I'm Kei and this is..."
"I'm Wayne Brady!!!" yelled Raditz and he pulled out a rocket launcher and shot it at his feet, jettisoning himself into space. Luckily he had his cell phone so he was ok.
"Is he always like this?" asked Knuckles.
"Yeah he's always like that. His name's Raditz." answered Kei. "And this is Intoxication." He said pointing at Intoxication who was pointing at Kei. "And that's Dante over there without a shirt and these are our robots Metalix and Worker#10."
"Who's the hot chick over there?" asked Raditz.
"That's Froggy, Raditz. And you already know her."
"Riiiiiiiiiiight." said Raditz, not believing him.
Just then there was a large explosion. Everyone turned around to see part of the Azgarde exploding, and the ship become unstable. It then crashed into the air and floated in the air wrecked.
"Well, there goes the Storytime Room." stated Kei.
"Oo ooo! Me next! Me next!" Raditz squealed, jumping up and down and waving his arm in the air. He then proceeded to explode and fly into space, but he was ok because he had his tray table up and his seat back in the full-upright position.
"Well, now we need find a town that sells parts to fix our ship while we're here." said Metalix, ignoring Raditz's act of stupidity completely.
"Alright, let's get this party started!" yelled Dante as our heroes ran to the edge of the sandwich they were on and jumped to the next sandwich.
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Meanwhile onboard the G.F. Dauntless, Sonic was once again pestering Isaac about his offer when Kazuki entered the bridge. She was carrying the engagement ring from Orlandu in her hand. She stopped and looked about with an angry scowl on her face. "Will someone please tell this stupid narrator to use the correct pronouns!?! I'm a man!" she yelled out in anger.
Sonic turned from Isaac to face Kazuki. "Hey Kazuki! I heard you failed to assassinate the Captain Orlandu. Smooth move, strudel head!"
"Yes, my apologies Captain. They were stronger than we anticipated. However, I did manage to make off with this in my possession." answered Kazuki as she held the engagement ring out to Sonic.
"Wow-wee! That's TIGHT! Good job Kazuki, this more than makes up for your failure. This is just what I needed!" exclaimed Sonic as he grabbed the ring and jumped down from his seat. Sonic got down on one knee in front of Isaac and held out the ring. "Isaac, will you marry me?"
Isaac seemed shocked and touched. He blushed a little. "I don't know what to say! This is so sudden and I… I… Wait a minute…. WTF!?! Heck no! I will not marry you and I never will! Get away from me you homo!" screamed Isaac at Sonic's sudden proposal. Isaac then delivered a powerful kick to Sonic's face, knocking him halfway across the room. Isaac then realized what he just did and regained his composure. "Sorry Captain."
"It's ok Isaac, I forgive you. How can I stay mad at you?" said Sonic and he started to blink his eyes at Isaac in a girly fashion.
Just then a pink hedgehog named Amy walked into the room. She was wearing a red dress and red boots. She saw Sonic and noticed the engagement ring in his hand. She was suddenly filled with joy and ran over to Sonic and started hugging him. "My Sonic finally got the courage to admit his love for me and is now going to ask for my hand in marriage! I must be dreaming!"
"M-m-m-marriage?! No way!" yelled Sonic as he struggled to get out of Amy's grasp. "I've told you Amy, I don't like you! This ring is for Isaac!"
"W-w-what?" whimpered Amy as tears began to fill her eyes. Sonic broke free of her grip and crawled away in fear. Isaac walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"If it makes you feel any better, I said no." Isaac assured her. This seemed to call Amy down a little. She then turned to face Sonic again.
"You're so cruel Sonic! All I came here for was to let you know part of the Pirate crew from the Azgarde has been spotted headed toward the Sandwich Galaxy and this is how you treat me! I hate you! I never want to see you again!" Amy then ran from the room in tears.
Isaac turned to Sonic. "Don't worry Captain; she'll be back to her normal self and chasing after you again in another five minutes."
"Did you hear that Isaac?" said Sonic standing back up again. "They're headed for the Sandwich Galaxy! Sounds like an invitation to party!" yelled Sonic clenching his fist with excitement. "Kazuki! Go find Vindrix and tell him his job in to intercept and destroy those meddling pirates and their little dog too!"
"Yes sir!" said Kazuki and she ran out of the room.
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Back in the Sandwich Galaxy our heroes landed on top of a Whopper Jr. with cheese. On the sandwich they found a small person with a mushroom on his head called a toad. The mushroom on his head was white with yellow spots. He was standing on top of a crate cowering in fear of something. Dante approached the toad. "What's your problem?" he asked.
"I can't go on any further. I wanted to go see the race with the others but I'm scared to death of sandwiches!" answered the toad, quaking with fear. "Can you guys help me?"
"Ok that's nice" replied Dante and our heroes walked away leaving the toad there. Raditz ran into a launch star that launched him into space. Luckily he died though, so he was ok. The rest of our heroes used a different launch star to launch themselves to the next sandwich. A piranha plant popped out of the ground and started to bite at them, so Kei threw a star bit at it and it died. A vine grew from the sandwich which led to the next sandwich. The group used the vine to make it to the next sandwich, a giant BLT.
On the BLT was another toad, this one with blue spots and wearing glasses. He approached them. "The power star is that way!" he told them pointing in the direction of a large Angus burger on a giant plate. There was a town on the plate next to the sandwich with buildings made from fries, pickles, and other foods of the type. There was a fork leading from the BLT down to the plate. "I'd go myself but I'm fat." He told them.
"Hey you think maybe we could find the parts we need for our ship in that town?" asked Kei.
"We might. We should go check it out." replied Tails. Our heroes crossed the fork and entered the town. The town was full of people of all kinds of races, traveling back and forth between small shops selling various goods from strange foods to remote controlled peanut butter to radioactive lawnmowers.
"Let's just hurry up and find this repair shop and get out of here." scowled Knuckles. "I don't like this place."
"Calm down, we have to find it first." said Tails looking about the shops curiously.
Intoxication started pointing insistently towards a strange man wearing a black cloak and a black mask covering the lower half of his face who was motioning to them to come over to him. Kei, Tails and Raditz walked over to see what it was he wanted. Knuckles refused to go over, saying he didn't trust the man. Metalix agreed with Knuckles and stayed with him, and Worker #10 started chewing on a building made from a French fry. Dante went to check out a local pizza shop.
"Welcome Strangers, what're you buying?" asked the strange man as they approached him, opening his cloak. "I've got some rare items in stock today. Like this glow in the dark When Shippo Attacks Cid Highwind action figure with tea drinking action! Or this one of a kind Insert Spam Here Cademon figurine!" offered the merchant.
"Umm, no thanks." said Kei. "That's not what we're looking for. And besides, both of those are really common."
"Well then what are you looking for Stranger?"
"We want a monkey!" yelled Raditz.
"Not enough cash Stranger!"
"Ignore him." said Tails. "We're looking for parts to fix their ship. Do you have any?"
"Sure I've got what you're looking for. Step inside Strangers. But wipe your feet before you come in." said the merchant as he entered a dimly lit building. The others followed in nervously, followed by Froggy who jumped in after them.
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Meanwhile outside, a random salesman walked up to Knuckles carrying a briefcase. "Hello good sir, might I interest you in the new, improved Bend-It Corporations Personal Poopinator?" He then opened the briefcase revealing a toothbrush.
"Not interested." Knuckles replied coldly and turned around. The salesman refused to take no for an answer though and ran to the other side of Knuckles.
"Are you sure? It guaranteed to make all of your poop smell just like a spring breeze!"
"Really?" asked Knuckles, starting to become curious.
"Yes! And that's not all! It can also count all the way to 23, sort your laundry, cook pie and will do all your homework for you! And you can get it for the low, low price of $324526.67!"
"Wow!! It can do all that!?" exclaimed Knuckles, impressed.
"Yes! It's a guarantee!"
"I'll buy it!" said Knuckles handing all of his money to the salesman.
"A wise choice sir." said the salesman handing Knuckles the toothbrush. "Remember all sales are final. Side effects my include, but are not limited to: dehydration, consistent sneezing, pickles toes, insomnia, rashes in the nether regions, sudden weight loss, sudden weight gain, hair loss, and really long nose hairs."
Knuckles took the toothbrush from the salesman happy with his purchase, not realizing he just bought an ordinary toothbrush. Metalix looked at him with a look saying "You're an idiot." He then said "You really are gullible, aren't you?"
"What do you mean?" asked Knuckles, clueless.
Metalix slapped his forehead and shook his head then walked away.
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Inside the shop were a bunch of random items here and there scattered about the room, including random action figures, books and old nasty rotten pieces of meat that no one wanted. There were also several ship parts scattered about the room also. In the corner of the room, playing with an old broken fishing rod was a fat, purple kitten. The kitten turned around and saw Froggy. This caught the kitten's attention and he threw down the old rod. "Froggy!!" he yelled like a retard as he began to chase Froggy around the room. "Come back here Froggy! I want to be your friend!" Raditz saw this and joined him in chasing Froggy.
"Who's the kitten?" asked Tails to the merchant.
"That's Big. Him and his mother are slaves that work for me. He's not much help though. He usually just ends up breaking my merchandise. So what parts do you need Strangers?"
"We're not sure exactly. You see, our Storytime Room blew up and…" started Kei when the Merchant interrupted him.
"Your Storytime Room!? I didn't know the damage was that serious. You're going to need a Power Star to repair that kind of damage Stranger. And I just so happen to be sold out of Power Stars."
"Aw man that sucks." Said Kei disappointed. "Do you know where we can get one?"
"They're giving one away as the prize for the annual Chocobo Race this year. The great Sephiroth is giving it to the winner." answered the merchant. "Just enter yourself in the race and try to win the star Strangers."
"But none of us know how to ride a Chocobo!"
"Big here knows how to ride a Chocobo. He has one of his own out back." said the merchant, indicating a morbidly obese purple Chocobo sitting in the back of the store.
"Alright! Can we enter Big in the race?" asked Kei.
"Well, I can't let you enter him in the race for free Strangers. He's my slave after all."
"I know! How about we make a bet?" said Tails. "We'll enter Big in the Chocobo race, and if he wins you can have a cookie, and if he loses, you can have Raditz!" Raditz then stopped in his tracks and looked angrily at Tails. "Think about it, either way, you win!"
That cat seems pretty stupid, but he's still smarter than Big. He'd be much more useful around the shop than that useless piece of fat Big. And there's no way that that idiot will be able to actually win. The merchant thought to himself. And in the off chance he does somehow win, I get a cookie! So either way I win! Maybe through this bet I can get rid of that stupid cat too. I've been trying to get rid of him for years, but no one will buy him, and when I try abandoning him he just comes back! "You've got yourself a deal Stranger!" the merchant said at last. "And you know what, I like you so much, if you win, I'll let you guys take Big with you! How does that sound Stranger?"
"Alright! You've got a deal!" agreed Tails. Just then a few black specks flew by through the air.
"Oops, it looks like another pepper storm is about to start. Run along home to your mother now Big." said the merchant. Big stopped chasing Froggy and ran out of the building, his fat chocobo dragging itself along behind him. Raditz ran out of the building after him. "You better find yourself some shelter too Strangers. These pepper storms can be violent."
"Alright. Thanks!" said Kei as he, Froggy and Tails left the shop. Outside they met back up with Knuckles, Metalix, Dante and Worker #10 as the storm was starting to pick up. "Come on guys; let's follow Big to his place. Maybe his mother will let us take shelter in their house. Raditz already went with him anyways."
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Our heroes made their way to Big's house. The storm had now started to become pretty violent as they entered his house sneezing. A young female raccoon wearing black shorts and a green shirt and shoes walked into the room. Her name was Marine the Raccoon. "Why hallo there mates!" she greeted them. "You must be Big's mates. I'm his mother. You can call me Marine."
Our heroes just started at her with blank faces, unsure of what to say. Finally Raditz spoke up. "Is he adopted?"
"Why, no. Why?" she replied.
"Uh…. No reason." said Kei.
"Well alright then. I'm stoked to know Big found himself some real bonza mates to play with. Would you all like some tucker?"
"Uh… no? We're fine?" replied Kei.
"Well alright suit yourselves." Just then Big started pounding his head against the wall repeatedly. "I think he wants to show you what he made. It's in that room over there next to him."
Kei, Raditz, Tails, and Dante went over to see what it was Big had made. They looked in the room to see a pile of crap sitting on a table. "Wow! It's awesome!" exclaimed Raditz.
"I know ain't it? He made it all by himself! I'm so proud!" said Marine, wiping a tear of joy from her eye. "He grows up so fast."
"Uh, right." said Kei, not sure what to say. "Hey, you got anything to eat? I'm starving!"
"Strewth! I already asked you if you wanted some a minute ago, but you said no! Oh well, come on in to the kitchen and get some tucker." Marine led our heroes to the kitchen and served them chicken and Dr Pepper. "Bog in!"
===============================================================
It was now night and the storm had passed. Marine had offered to let our heroes rest the night in her home. Everyone had eaten and gone to bed except for Tails and Kei who were standing outside on a balcony of the home conversing with one another.
"Take a look at this Kei." said Tails, indicating a small machine in his hand. "Take a look at Big's chlorine levels! They're off the scale!"
"He spent way too much time in the pool." replied Kei, shaking his head.
"His chlorine count is even higher than Master Cream's! And you know how much she loves the pool!"
"Wow. Maybe that has something to do with why he's so stupid."
"I think he might be the one who will fulfill the prophesy."
"What prophesy?" asked Kei.
"I dunno. That's what the script told me to say." replied Tails. "Anyways, we need to win this race tomorrow. We need to take Big to Master Cream and the rest of the Pirate Captains and see what they think, and to try and get permission to train him."
"You sure you want to do that? He doesn't seem all that smart; I don't think he'll learn all that well."
"We'll see." replied Tails. "We need to rest for tomorrow's race, let's head to bed."
"Alright. Night."
"Night." replied Tails as they both headed to bed to rest up for the big Chocobo Race.
[To be continued…]
Hooray for Ksemanr and Ramza. You guys are great. Ksemanr, I e-mailed you in reply to this chapter you sent me. Nice job.
QUOTE
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If you meant the SPA on the Eliteboard, yes, that is basically gone forever.
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That's where I like to post messages.
