Okay, so I'm doing the negotiating gig again. You need something negotiating, I will negotiate. Although I also seem to be available for a large number of non-negotiating related activities.
Same rules as last time. You come to my office, state your case and name your price (no fee is too large, but many fees are, alas, too small). I will then solve your problem for you.

Example:
User A: I have a problem with blahdy blah. I will pay you such and such to solve it.
Me: *Insert post here detailing myself attempting to solve the problem, often with hilarious mishaps*

I'm a fully qualified negotiator, and there hasn't been a case yet I couldn't solve. True, there's been some cases where the outcome hasn't been exactly what the client wanted, but things have always worked out in the end.
So go ahead, give me your problems!