"Hey guys! Let's have a bungi jumping contest! I forgot the bungiis but nbd!"
Scenario: Woman asks you "Do I look fat in this?"
"Why, yes, you do. You really should go on a diet. Here, I'll drop you off at the gym."
Senario: You are at gunpoint. The man demands your wallet.
Dude, I'm poor, can I borrow a dollar?
Someone sitting next to you farts.
"Now try the alphabet"
Scenario: You are curiously stalking your clone through various topics you normally wouldn't touch, just to see his reaction...
"You are curiously stalking your clone through various topics you normally wouldn't touch, just to see his reaction..."
Scenario: You exit your home and suddenly bikers swarm around you and start circling you.
'Hey! Driving like that is dangerous! Where are your kneepads!'
Scenario: You've accidentally stumbled upon an evil genius's lair while searching for you local library's bathroom. The evil genius, his evil right-hand man, and a crowd of evil guards, cohorts, gofers, and other types all stare at you.
The name's Bond. James Bond.
Scenario; You are in a bar in the roughest part of town. A renowned hard man enters in a pink shirt. You best friend comments on it...
"Right on! I think he's cute in it, too."
Scenario: you're in the middle of a shady deal, and the police appear out of nowhere, guns drawn.
Hey guys! Want some gum? *puts hand in pocket and attempts to pull some out*
Scenario: You are on trial for the assassination of the president.
"Oh, cut me some slack; he was a [Republican/Democrat]!"
Scenario: You're going through security in an airport, and you see a shady man slip a briefcase past the metal detector otherwise unnoticed. You happen to see his ticket, and his seat is next to yours on the same flight.
"Hey, are you Adam West?"
Scenario: The police arrests you because they found drugs in your suitcase.
Those aren't mine!
Scenario: The dog ate your homework.
"Well, ma'am, my dog ate my homework, so they had to go and pump his stomach. I have what's left here..."
Scenario: You're on a plane, flying over the ocean. There's a loud sound and the plane starts to shake. The person next to you is terrified of flying.
"Here have this gun to make you feel secure."
Scenario: You ran over your friends dog right in front of his/her eyes.
"Happy birthday!"
Scenario: Your grandmother just told you she's pregnant.
"I'm not the father, am I?"
Scenario: Your mom comes back from vacation to find you've burned down the house with fireworks.
"I did'nt have enough time left to get your wallet after getting my Wii/XBox 360/PS3 and games out, sorry."
(KIND OF LONG BUT NOT OVERLY LONG SITUATION AHOY!)
You're a super-hero guarding The President`s wife. After successfully protecting her for the day you're about to drop her off at the white house.
As you're approaching the front door a crazed man leaps out of the bushes and fires a pistol at the her. You use your super-speed to run in the way and slap the bullet out of the way. After Heat-Raying the man to death you turn and see that the bullet you deflected went through the president`s wife`s neck, killing her.
You turn yet again to see the president standing in the door, shocked, apparently he saw your handy-work...
"Don't worry that is what interns are for!"
You have aids and you cut yourself while in a swimming pool.
*bump*
*bump*
that is not a response or a scenario 
Jin tells you "You advertise one more time I ban you"
I say "guys go join italics it's in my sig"
*looks at all the other people*"now you don't have to be afraid of getting aids anymore!"
you hit barack obama with your car
"Ewwwww...Barack's change is all over the road."
You stab your friend when you think there's an intruder in your house.
"oh hey, doesn't this remind you of that scene in the strangers"
your grandparents walk in the room while you are viewing some "X-rated" material on your computer
"Hey, did you know your old sex tape is all over the internet?"
You walk into the room while you're grandparents are watching X-rated material on your computer.
"oh hey, i've seen that video. the part at 3:14 is great huh?"
you step on your girlfriends ferret
"He probably would have lived if I wasn't wearing my cleats"
You crash through your parent's garage.
"OH, so thats how you reverse!"
you break your friends brand new plasma tv
"Huh... the grenade went right through your TV and it still hasn't detonated ye-"
*BOOM*
"Nevermind."
You're some kind of super-hero and one of your friends tells you that the villain you thought you killed isn't dead.
"So he's a zombie now? We're screwed."
You walk in on your mum having extremely loud sex with your best friend.
"Dude, nice catch! She's a keeper."
You walk in on your best friend having extremely loud sex with your dad.
"I had a feeling they were gay for each other!"
You just found out that your grandfather died of a heart attack.
"Just as planned."
You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to Geiko.
"I'm-a spend this cash on hookers and blow!"
You just released a terribly odorous fart whilst being interviewed for a job you desperately need.
< insert any Tim Allen quote here >
You are chosen to represent Earth during first contact with an alien race.
"Pull my finger, dammit!"
You are robbing a bank.
"This is my first bank robbery, I hope it goes well."
You come home to discover you've been robbed.
"Damn, why didn't they steal my cheap-ass Mac too?!"
Your parents tell you that you're adopted.
"Thank God. I was hoping I didn't share a gene pool with you guys!"
Your children catch you hugging a tree.
"You see, when a hippie loves nature veeery much...."
You step on a butterfly in prehistoric times.
"Doesn't this remind you of that one Ray Bradbury story?"
You're about to have sex with your girlfriend.
"Hey, can you put on this mask that looks like (Insert name of hot female celebrity/pornstar/just generally famous person here.)?"
You just get acquitted for a Murder even though you did it.
