This probably won't make sense to you, but don't think about it too much. I don't mean to tell you to take things blindly, but don't consider everything to death. Just keep going forward.

SX that doesn't make much since. Go forward? But what the heck is forward? Forward into a bad situation or a good one? Your advice is incredibly vauge.

Lilix do you really think it's wise to hook up with a guy who has recently broken up with a girl who he's had a child with? That sounds like a lot of emotional baggage. Just because you two are "giving each other looks" dosen't mean he won't do the same to you that he did with his last girl friend. Unintentionally or not. I'd wait for him to get his life fixed first before I even considered dating him.

The sense is to allow instinct and sudden judgement to play a role, instead of stopping and just debating it to death. Not to rush into a situation blindly or to make an uninformed judgement, of course.

Personally, I think you should hold off.

I think you should hold off also, Lilix. And sudden judgement, SX? Like sudden impulse? Do you think that's the smart thing to do? Sudden judgement is what gets a lot of young girls in the U.S. pregnant. I'm not calling Lilix under age or immature. But just to give you an idea. Sometimes, especially in matters of relationships, it's better to be safe than sorry. I'd rather be that than rash and miserable. Look at this guys' track record. Unless he is able to somehow proove his love to you, I wouldn't want to be next on his break up list. Lilix, you're obligated to a good relationship. Not just whatever oppertunity that shows itself.

But then theres that whole thing about getting messy and making mistakes like in the Magic School Bus... But SX you are contridicting yourself. First you tell her to use sudden judgement. Which is basically pounce on her initial feelings on what she should do. THEN you say she should also not rush into it. But at first you said she should. Gah. Sudden Judgement is pretty much jumping into a relationship blindly without thinking about the pros and cons.

A bit of a different suggestion, but if you can get away from all three of these guys for a while, possibly move back in with your parents or somewhere else you feel safe, for a week or so, things might start making a bit more sense. Right now you're caught up in a tricky situation, and you're also entangled emotionally and I get the impression you're not too sure what your feelings really are - you say you may have been in love with your friend's ex for a while, but I doubt you're convinced, and may be trying to convince yourself.

In short, if you're not feeling comfortable in the situation you're in, get some distance from it so you can take a step back and look at it from a fresh angle. You're not really going to be able to do that while you're caught up in the middle of it, and the friends you've talked about are probably too involved in this situation to really help. If there are some other people you trust - like I said earlier, parents are generally a good place to turn for support in this kind of situation - then they are probably the people you really want to be talking this over with. Let your friends know that you just feel you need some space for a couple of days - there's no reason not to keep in touch with them as well, as they probably want your support at the moment as well - but I reckon that you need to take the time to sort yourself out first.

Hope you get through this patch OK - these kind of things are never easy.

Yeah that makes a lot of sense to. I have to agree with Trimanus

Thankyou for listening for me. Yeah, I do 'love' him, and I am attracted to him, but I dont know what kind of love I feel for him. I never really had the chance to look at him any other way than just a friend before due to the circumstances. I had always looked at him more as a big brother, but he had caused alot of drama telling his ex-girl that, unlike her, I "understand him" and pretty much saying I was better than her and all that crap. There really is no question about whether he does have feelings for me or not, I'm pleantly old enough to know that there was something there, I just dont know to what extent. I havent dealt with the whole highschool "OMG does he like me?!!!!" crap in a good while.

I'm trying to get my head on straight right now, as even though I love this group of people, ever since I met them things have always been crazy. I think alot differently than I ever wanted to because of them.
Sometimes I really just want to dissapear from all of them to end it all, but I dont really have anybody else to even remotely trust.

I dont understand what exactly this girl is doing though. She's been my best friend, but without him around, even though shes happier, shes just...different. I mean whatever is going to happen with me will probably work out with time, but the bottom line is that she put up with this guy's crap for about 3 years because she loved him, and all of a sudden as soon as he left she's with his best friend and telling me that *I* am the one who should be with her ex. She'll tell me I'm her best friend and she's never had a friend like me, but then turn around and say that even though she wont be mad if I do end up being with him, if that does happen we will all probably end up going our separate ways. Thats a very bold statement to make without giving pleanty of thought.

I dont know whats going to happen anymore, but at the least, I do feel like I need to be there for this guy because he is also my best friend and I hear he isnt doing too well, and matters arent going to get any better when he finds out about this. He thinks everyone is beytraying him, and I dont blame him. I think its horrible that his best friend is just going to start dating his baby's mother, espacially a week after this all went down. So selfish.

I just dont know how to figure out what the right decision is with any of this.

Right and Wrong are just words. Everybody has their own perception of them, why else would anyone do something "Wrong"? Usually due to drugs, that made them think it wasn't wrong, or they just plain didn't think it was wrong.

My advice is to keep a comfortable distance for bit and roll with what comes. I have a situation about as messy, moreso because it involves slightly older kids, this is the attitude I'm taking toward it. I'm keeping back more, maybe sticking my feet in one or two days a week. Enough to show them I'm not running when things get rough, but not enough to make it seem like I'm in where I shouldn't be or taking sides.

Basically hanging back and trying see where the pieces land I need to be around to pick up. I'd give you the advice.

~Tobe

One other thing you might want to consider, although it's a very tough question to really get to grips with, is whether you are really happy hanging out with these people. After all, you freely admit that things have been crazy ever since you've been friends with this group, and even though it's hard to leave people who have been your friends for a long time - especially when you don't think you have any other friends you can turn to - it might bring a fair bit of stability and normality back to your life, which may make you happier than sticking with them.

Ultimately, though, you have to choose what you think is best for you. I figured that you're experienced or wise enough to recognise your own feelings towards others - I wasn't meaning to suggest that you didn't really love him. However, even adults make mistakes with their feelings, especially when the situation is as complicated as this one. Equally, I reckon you have enough sense to figure out what you should do, just that you haven't managed to find the time to step back far enough from all the noise of the chaos this situation has created to listen to yourself - and I reckon that's largely what you're trying to do by asking us for our advice. So take a step back, take a deep breath, and sort through what you really think about the situation.

Apologies if that comes across as a bit harsh, I really am trying to help, and I do sympathise with your situation.

Okay, so this entire situation has gotten out of control.

Me and the guy in question got into an intimate relationship. We are extremely close, but not together. He doesnt want a relationship with anyone right now. I have been battling to accept this since the last time I posted in here.

Now heres the drama:

On Friday, June 22nd, he got into business he shouldnt have, and got into a fight to "help out" some people he was kinda friends with. And ended up getting jumped with a baseball bat. He is now in the Shock Trauma Medical Center. He died in the ambulance and they brought him back. They stablized him, and say he is going to live. But he is currently in a medically induced coma until furthur notice.

Long story short, his mother (who has not been in his life at all) has medical authority until he wakes up, and thats only if he is coherent. She has barred me and his baby's mother from the hospital, but she is allowing other people she doesnt even know to be there and go in and see him and stuff. I found out yesterday that he went into emergency surgery to relieve pressure from his brain because he went unstable again. And none of those people called and told me or anything. They are witholding info from us. We dont know why. We havent had any problems with this woman up until now. She also is paying the baby's mother's cellphone bill and got her phone turned off and is thretening to try and take "her grandchild" away. I dont understand why she is doing this, or how anyone could be so mean at a time like this. Shes crazy.

When my boy finally does wake up out of this coma he is going to be extremely angry at his mother about the way shes being and probably not even want her to be in the hospital. He doesnt like her. But....if he isnt coherent enough to make his own decisions, than she will still have control.

I am trying to get ahold of this guy's father to fly him to Maryland.

I just want to be there for him as best I can. I hope he turns out okay. This is such a nightmare.

I feel like I've lost my mind this time. I'm so scared.

OK, from what you've said, I'd guess the mother believes, rightly or wrongly, that you and the other girl are in some way responsible for getting him into this situation - either directly or through being "bad influences" on him. This would most likely explain why she is keeping you distant from him, assuming that she is aware of your relationship with him.

Essentially, this means there's not much you can do to directly confront the situation - it's unlikely she will believe any claims of innocence you make unless backed up with overwhelming evidence and support from others. Hence, you'd probably be best just trying to keep in contact with others who are being allowed to visit, without being too obvious to the mother, in order to get information.

However, I would also suggest you spend time with other friends or family to get support from them. It's tough to hear, but at the moment there's nothing you can really do to help him, and obsessing over what's happening is only going to hurt you. Once he is coherent again, then you can start being there for him again.

That the situation is now closed. He has passed away on the night of 7-10-07

Any regards or prayers are appreciated. Thankyou.

Oh my God Lilix... I'm so sorry for your loss =

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.