Hmm... is this more Marble Garden discussion? I'm not sure. Anyway, if t here's one thing I've learned, it's that people are very set in their ways, and that you'll never be able to change them. In particular, although I love her, my great grandmother is quite the racist. Blacks, Asians, Hispanics... she seems to hate any race that isn't white of color (never mind that half of my family is Mexican, but that's neither here nor there). You just kind of need to accept them for who they are. People are naturally ignorant, so it's not the fault of the specific person, per se--more the fault of humanity as a whole.

As for having children... don't sweat it. You can do it when you're ready--or maybe you'll never be ready. That's fine, too. Right now, I don't want to have children in any way whatsoever, and don't plan to until far into the future (probably around the year 3047, when robot nannies that won't kill your kids are finally invented).

No, MG is the cesspool where overly frustrated liberals throw feces at self proclaimed good-and-moral conservatives. If that happens here I'm getting the cannon out. :3

And Puar this is probably the BEST place for this. It's can't affect you personally to vent here and you might even find people that have been in the same situation.

I CAN tell you that growing up in Oklahoma is similar, as I didn't really discover myself tell later it was rather annoying to be around people with that much bigotry even BEFORE I became their intended target. I never liked bigotry but eventually I learned to ignore it. (I save me ranting and blowing for M.G. XD) Eventually you learn to distinguish who is actually a bigot and who is just being humorous and that helps a lot. But I have a step-father and an aunt that squirm at the mention of TEH GHEY. Actually I've started specifically trying to irritate them about it so EVERYONE laughs at them, maybe they'll be forced to get over it if they're getting made fun of over it (you know people don't care about something till it affects them). At least thats my hope, either case I'm not the one left feeling frustrated. :3

~Tobe

According to your profile, you're all of 23. That alone makes me think your mother's kinda messed up. I would recommend most people try to avoid having kids 'till at least 25 if they can avoid it, ideally 30. I say this keeping in mind increasing average life span. But, what do I know.

"You have kids when you're ready to stop being one." - Rico's Mommy

In my case it's a damn GOOD thing I'm half fruitloop because the day I turn old is the day I keel over and die. :3

That said most people seem to have kids in the early to mid twenties. 30... little old to keep up with little rugrats and stay up nights with a baby, I'm starting to slow down already and I'm not even there yet, lol.

~Tobe

I'm a member of the LDS church, and we are encouraged to have children as early as possible after marriage. We are also encouraged to get married as soon as we are ready to do so. This sometimes can get mistaken to mean get married fast to the nearest person and have as many kids as humanly possible, which more often than not leads to a bad marriage and a fractured family, which is not what the church intends. The church intends to create strong families, and the best way to do that is earlier in life rather than trying to put it off until later when you may not be able to have children for whatever reason.

All that said, I'm frightened of having kids. I have only babysat maybe a handful of times, and I'm on pins and needles all the time when little kids are nearby. I once had to babysit for several hours for three kids, one of whom was less than a year old, the others about 6 and 4 - and one person facing all that by themselves? That is hectic (<-- understatement). I understand the church doctrine and why it is actually important to have children in the context of the gospel, but that doesn't keep me from being afraid of taking care of a new and fragile human life. I've never had younger siblings or cousins or nephews/nieces to take care of growing up, so I attribute part of the fear to simple lack of experience. And regardless of all that, I can't have kids to begin with until I can find a woman to be my wife - and at 24, I'm getting on in years in the LDS subculture, though I don't "have to really worry" until I'm closer to 30.

Nobody should start having kids until they are ready for them - being ready to have kids will allow you to raise them in the best way possible. And your mother may not be considering what is best for YOU (or for the potential kids), if she just wants babies out of you; what about a loving partner who would help you raise those kids, or for that matter, just to love you? Women are not just baby-making machines, they are people with needs and desires, and nobody should ever force them to think they have to have children to be of worth. And children aren't trophies to wield in grandmother contests, they have to be given love and care by their parents - and hopefully your mother is going to be willing to help out with raising them as well, with the provision she doesn't pass on her prejudices to them.

After a week of babysitting the dorks. I'm fine with my ability to take care of rugrats. I was feverish before about it.

I think I could pull of the parent gig if I wanted to. But I ain't ready to share my toys 24/7 yet. XD

~Tobe

i'm pretty relaxed with the thought of having kids, but babysitting consistantly since i was 13 has helped.

but yeah, there's no need to rush.. not even until you hit your 30s. it seems to be seen the best time to have kids is in your early 20s as you're younger, and also your fertility chances are higher as it starts dropping after 25 (i think? ). so that might explain one part of the nagging. ^^;

but not all of us have that choice. i know my parents would love grandkiddies, but i run the risk of getting disowned if i was to pop out any brats without getting married first!

Even if I did find a woman I still think I would adopt. Too many kids out there as it is that need help. And even in the moments were you wanna give up there's always the fact that you paid like ten grand for the rugrat instead of just a few grand in hospital bills to stop you for being stupid.

~Tobe

If your mom is THAT eager to have grandkids, tell her it's a sure sign that you're old when you have grandkids.

Beyond that, who you befried is your choice, and you don't need her approval.

Even if I did find a woman I still think I would adopt. Too many kids out there as it is that need help.

Too true--I'd rather help a child in need than to add even more to the Earth's overpopulation.

Like everyone else said, you should really go at your own pace, regardless of what anyone thinks.

My parents? They're in the opposite direction. They seem to want me to stop having a relationship. Or rather, the current one c.c Mum hints sometimes that I should get a boyfriend closer to home, and Dad doesn't even let us sleep on the same ****ing floor. Their intolerance is the fact that I met him over the internet it seems - despite that it's been long proven that he isn't a 50 year old stalker. He is exactly who he says he is, and everything about him should tick the right boxes with them... but that niggling "I met him over the internet" thing just gets in the bloody way. That and they don't seem to be that keen on his age, but their age difference is bigger than ours so that's just hypocritical.
I don't know if I've told Wes all of this since he's a sensitive soul and it's quite a hurtful opinion for a parent to have.

Grandparents? My Nana is untentionally racist. My Gran was as well. It isn't malicious, it's just that they use... outdated and now hurtful terms to reference them without really knowing any different I guess.

Thanks guys. It would be easier had it been anyone else, but she's gotta know that being family does not give you a free pass to come into my house and insult people. I'm not her little girl anymore. What I do and who I do it with is nobody's business but my own and the sooner she accepts that, the better we can get along.
Everything seems so surreal. I just got my first apt (w/out a roomie) and the first person I kick out is my Mom! I didn't even take her to the airport, she called a cab. Her flights long, if there was a delay she might not even be back yet. Usually she'd call to say she's arrived... I don't see it happening this time.
It just sucks right now. I hate being mad at anyone but I'm not even sure I want to make up with her. Coming from a big family she's always loved kids, and with my older sis unable to conceive due to health problems, I'm kinda nagged by default. I also knew she felt strongly against homosexuality but it was more a general attitude of "it's sinful" and never such personal attacks. It makes me wonder if I ever really did know her, my whole preception of her is changing. Maybe we'll work thru it when we're both calmer? I wish I could just forget the whole thing, it was nightmarish. *sighs*

So basically it's more her wanting grandkids than just generally being against gays? Kinda selfish of her. And to lump all this expectation on you? No.

It's unfair. Kids are an absolutely massive step, and something which should not be taken lightly. If you're not ready for it, which you aren't, then you shouldn't do it. Did her mother pressure her to do that?

Now, my approach to this would be to ring her up and start chatting like normal (but not about the kids/gays thing). It's quite hard to do if you're the sort to hold things like grudges though. I'm the sort who gets over these things quickly and it does wonders. It helps the whole dissagreement be forgotten (or at least put behind you) a lot quicker and not talking to someone is pretty stressful and unhealthy. But if you're not the sort to do that, then I dunno. You might feel uncomfortable pretending that it never happened D:

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my dad and mom (but really only dad) joke about me being gay( whitch i may add that i am NOT!) they often say im too kind, and also dad add's in "The only girlfriend he'll ever get will be plastic!"
I MEAN c'mon! the nerv of'im! it drive's me insain! and now that they know im a furry, dads like "great! now he's going to be gay AND want to be ****ed by a horse!" and he even says i "infected" my sister, i mean its not my fault that she's a furry. i also garden( he applys that to being gay) but not normal plants, mainly poisons and midicinal plants. And i also love to bake "he calls me worthless as a son, better off a daugter"
theres so much i can vent here, 99% of it is inappropriot for this board.
~~Twotails

I, for one, have no desire to contribute to the bringing of some screaming little ankle-biting hellspawn into the world anytime soon, if at all. My mom had me after she was 30, so I've never really gotten any grief on the subject, at least, not jokingly. I think in the past couple years, my parents have settled into the idea of "the grandcats."

For now, at least.

Working retail customer service for 8 years helped me make the decision that I never ever want to have kids ever. I wouldn't have the patience for it and I'd be a terrible father.

^ Similar experience.

Anyways my family is LDS like Terg's so I get alot of flack for not being married with children at the ripe old age of 20-something. Just try to ignore it or act like you're really in pursuit of finding the right person or whatever. It's irritating, but it seems to be more productive than trying to argue your own case.

My mom always mentions wanting grankids from me or my sister. Neither of us want to tho do to homosexuality or pain! perhaps both