The plan is almost complete.

Yes, there is much to prepare.

Everything is moving along smoothly. Everything is in place.

it is a delicate balance, as things stand everything must go perfectly.

When you do something like this, it is always delicate.

But the reward will be great.

Yes my brothers. Yes indeed. Everything is perfect. There is only one man who could stop me now.

********************************

Vortex...? Are you... okay?

Yes, Im fine.

Are you stuck upside down in a giant mayo jar?

I think it is pretty clear that I am.

How? What were you doing?

If you absolutely must know, i was trying to get some mayonnaise. Opening the jar was proving a little difficult.

So, you decided to use your head?

No.

...

arent you going to mock me now?

Vortex, this is one of those situations ware mocking is not necessary.

Go away.

Don't you want any help getting out?

No, i'm very busy, now go away.

Your busy?

Yes, very busy. Now go away i have a lot of stuff to do.

Um...

BUSY! Lots of stuff! go away! I'm busy!

Ooookay.

Finally. Sheesh. Can't he take a hint and tell when someone is busy?

Hey, toad. Have you seen Vortex?

No, why?

Oh, you'll see.

Vortex, ware are you going?

Don't talk to me, i'm busy.

You have a mayo jar on your head. A really big one.

I AM BUSY! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Well, have fun.

Think he's going to go try and get the jar off his head?

Well what else would he be going to do?

So vortex... still busy?

Yes.

I see you got the jar off your head. How'd you manage that?

Broke it with a hammer.

And now?

I'm going to go take a shower.

You know, someday when he does something so stupid that he ends up getting himself killed, i am really going to miss him.

I think i am to.

I assume there is already a plan in motion to make sure this potential hitch is unhitched before it can do any harm?

Of course, i have hired the most deadly assassin, veil.

Veil, isn't that a bit of overkill?

Never underestimate your enemy. Any kill is the right amount of kill.

well that isn't entirely true, i mean a nuclear bomb is 'kill' but in many situations it would be more harmful then good to use one.

I am not using a nuclear bomb to kill him i hired an assassin!

yeah, he knows, he was just pointing out the flaw in your logic.

I didn't mean to seem insultive, i was just saying that there can be to much kill.

FINE! there can be to much kill, but this was the right amount of kill.

****************************

Hey, don't worry about it. I mean it's the least i can do after ruining your evil plan and then dragging you through a portal into my realm. having you get all messed up by Crono. I feel bad.

I just don't like to be a bother, i can just get a hotel room until i can reopen a portal back to my own realm. And don't feel bad about it at all, you handled yourself perfectly. Well, except for the whole breaking of the promise thing and then the running like a wussy.

It all worked out in the end. We had our duel, we're square.

I still can't believe i lost. ME! LORD SOMBER! EATER OF SOULS! RENDER OF SPIRITS! I lost to a foolish orange hedgehog.

You let a man choose the weapon of a duel at your own risk.

I had never been defeated before i met you, and now it seems like left and right that's all that keeps happening.

Oh i'm sure you'll get back on your feet soon enough. Don't worry about staying here, the couch is always open.

All right, thanks. You do know your head is covered in some white gunk right?

Yes.

Right... so what...?

I'm very busy, go away.

I'm just wondering...

I'm busy! GO AWAY!

He seems a bit agitated.

His head is covered in condiments.

True.

I can't believe you let him choose rock paper scissors as the dueling method.

The ancient rules are strict, the challenged party may choose any form of equal contests of skill.

Yeah, but rock paper scissors?

Let it go toad. So anyone want to catch a movie or some-

Nobody stops the eye! Crono today you die!

Freaken... these things just keep showing up! I wish i knew ware they were coming from.

*Ha! finally. Me, the narrator has been surprisingly absent this episode. Normally i get to announce scene changes and parties, today? No! not one little thing. Well that changes now, because unlike everyone else, i actually know what is going on. Two words, TERROR DOME. A TV show that Crono is on without even knowing it, contestants transport in to attempt to defeat him and then transport out after Crono woops them.*

Well folks! It looks like the giant eye isn't doing so badly. Crono seems hard pressed to keep dodging its eye lightning. Perhaps this weeks champion will finally fall? Let's watch and find out.

*Yeah! Let us see if this is the time Crono finally gets taken down. Got my popcorn, got my soda... on with the fight!*

I'd love to stay and help, but I have an appointment, Im getting bone reconstruction.

Right fine, go. We understand.

I don't understand! STAY!

Stop panicking and help me think. I can't get near that thing with it spewing lightning like that. Toad. Draw your gun!

I don't have a gun.

Draw your bow and arrow! We need some distance attacks.

I don't have a bow and arrow.

draw something!

I DON'T HAVE A PEN EITHER!

...

...

That was horrible.

hey... it was kinda clever. Double word play and all.

No toad, that was just bad.

*ah more narration. What ever did you all do without me? Without me to guide the story, to help it flow properly. To lead it from one event to the next. Like now, as i shift the focus away from the fight, to vortex who is still trying to get a shower. However, he has run into some unexpected difficulty. See? That was good narrations. I can do it with lots of metaphors and similys to. Like a ray out of heaven vortex looks for a shower! Glorious is he and his need for cleanlyness! LO! dark rain clouds brew near.*

Everything looks so different when your covered in mayonnaise, ware the heck is the bathroom?

It's right over here Vortex.

Thanks. Hey toad, what happened to your hat?

My hat? I'm warring it.

Yes i can see that, but when did you get it fixed?

I havent yet. I have many hats, all the same. I simply changed hats.

Oh...

Yup.

Yeah, i see.

Arent you going to take your shower?

I'll find another shower.

Ah... not so fast. So youre smarter then you look, eh vortex? Saw through my little ruse. I see now how you can be such a thorn in their sides. Before i kill me, pray tell, how did you know that I had trapped the shower?

huh?! I just didn't want to take a shower in the girl's bathroom.

FOOL! You do not know who you deal with. I am shadow.

I am the darkness itself. The inky blackness that cannot be penetrated.

I am the bony hand of death knocking at your door. Answer the call of the reaper vortex. For i am Veil, and your time is now. Ware... ware did you go? Vortex! COME BACK! You know, i read the file, it said 'very good at running away' and it just didn't click. At least he left a trail of mayo.

*now, ware vortex has run off to i will reveal. He's hidden himself in the staging area for the Vortex's box TV show*

I'll only get one chance at this, i just hope the lights i have set up are bright enough.

Vortex! Running will get you no ware.

It's gotten me ware i am today. Alive. TAKE BRIGHT LIGHTS SHADOW OF DOOM!

Arent you supposed to disappear? You the shadow creature extinguished by the light?

I'm not made of shadow. All the darkness stuff is just something i do, kinda like a calling card, kinda because i think it's a good way to scare people.

Hey vortex. Crono just fought another monster thing. This time it was a giant eye. He beat it though so don't worry. He wanted to know if you wanted to go out to eat tonight? Hey... uh... did you ever get that shower?

Toad! You gotta help me! Don't you see the evil shadow thing that's trying to kill me! He was you! BUT NOW HE IS A SHADOW!

Um... i think the mayonnaise might be leaking into your head. Oh, hey, hi Crono, how'd you get here so fast? I thought you were going to check the mail?

Oh, well. You know. I'm awesome possum like that.

Fair enough. So want to go get something to eat after your cleaned up vortex?

NO! That isn't Crono, that is an evil shadow replica.

Right, shadow replica. Mayonnaise in the brain vortex.

DOPPELGANGER!

DIE DOPPELGANGER!

well vortex. You may be right about this whole doppelganger thing.

So how do we tell which is which?

The one that loses is not Crono.

How can you be SURE though?

I cannot, but if he wins, and I do nothing, it means i don't enter harms way.

Ah, true. Sounds like a plan.

Your pretty good with a sword for a doppleganger.

I am Vail, I am skilled in most weapons. I excel beautifully with the sword. And while you may be good, and a worthy adversary Crono. I doubt you will be able to overcome me.

True, you may be quick with the sword. However, have you ever been to the end of time?

can't say that I have.

So you never met the god of war?

Nope.

And he never gave you magical powers to summon electric energy from your body? Oh, to bad for you.

He never taught you how to channel it.

Force it into a phisical form, of pure static electric energy.

Something that metal, like our swords conducts beautifuly.

It's really to bad you never met him. Because it looks like you really could have used some of those magic powers.

Wow, nice one Crono. Bragging rights all around.

Double bragging rights to whoever can tell me ware it came from.

The other room. It tried to get me into the shower. Ware it planned to kill me. It looked like toad. Then it looked like a weird shadow thing, so I tried to shine really bright lights on it...

The really bright lights didn't work?

Naw. It said its name was Veil.

Yeah, Ive heard rumors of a veil. Master assassin and spy. Wizard of disguise.

Possibly almost as good as me.

uh... right toad. So someone wants Vortex dead. When you were missing vortex we did a lot of searching, and we basically found out that the S.P.A. Who we thought had been behind your disappearance had lost interest. So who else could possibly want you dead?

Me. I have good reason to want him dead.

True. Did you hire Veil to have him killed?

Please. I've been sleeping here for a week. If I wanted him dead Id just sneak into his room at night and bite off his head and collect his blood for dark rituals.

Wait, all those hairs and stuff i see you picking up all the time...

Voodoo dolls. I make Voodoo dolls of anyone Im around for a decent amount of time. It's just a bad habit.

Oh great! Veil's gone. Who was supposed to be watching him?

You were.

Oh no, don't go pinning this on me. The person who defeats the villain should not be required to watch them. It's like someone cooking you a meal and then doing the dishes. You do one, or the other. It's just the way things are done.

Okay! Whatever. It is my fault, like always. Youre never to blame.

So, my attempted killer got away? Am i still in danger?

In the immediate future, i don't think so. But Ill stick close just incase. You know, youre really starting to smell.

Right, shower. Okay, girl's shower is booby trapped everyone.

Why do we even have a girl's bathroom if there are no main female cast members?

To make it so that we could potentially GET some. Honestly, do you think any woman would sign on as main cast members if they had to share a bathroom with the guys? Okay... well i need a shower, BADLY.

Have fun in the shower... i don't know about you guys. But i get the feeling something dark and sinister is brewing.

***************

After the whole evil plan comes to fruitation, what do you all want to do with yourselves, after ultimate power of course.

Start a rock band.

I've always wanted to do voice acting for Japanese cartoons.

Just Japanese cartoons?

Yes just Japanese cartoons. Are there any other worthwhile voice acting jobs? NO. Because all other cartoons are poorly made and badly done.

That's a bit of a narrow-minded view of things...

*************************

TO BE CONTINUED

DNE