Many of you have often asked - "I'm A Newbie, So why havent I been eaten yet?"
Here at the Mobius Forum, we take pride in eating fresh and wholesome newbies! None of that tough meat for us! Newbies are rich in protien you know! That, and its just a long standing tradition... ^__^
Are you currently having trouble being eaten? We are aware of your eating woes and to provide better service, We at Evil WB Inc. would like to suggest that you try our new "Mofo Ingestion Troubleshooting Guide!"
We are also currently aware that people are experiencing certain audio-visual problems upon being eaten and are working as hard as we can to update our Dubbasoft eating servers for better use in public chomping. ^_^
Evil WB's Newbie Eating Application Process
1. Open Internet Explorer from your Programs menu. Go to the Mobius Forum and click "Post new Topic". Title Your Post something along the lines of:
"HELLO I AM OBVIOUSLY A NEWBIE WITH NO SENSE OF DIRECTION WHATSOEVER. FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY PLEASE EAT ME I AM BEGGING TO BE MADE FUN OF AS I TYPE MY MESSAGE ANNOYINGLY IN ALL CAPS!"
2. On the Advanced Emoticon Settings tab of the EZBoard, click the 😛 icon to show that you are a nice and well meaning, but friendly, twit.
3. On the Your Comments tab, type one of the following sentences in the Large Font Size list:
HELLO I AM LOOKING FOR insert really stupid thing that has nothing to do with nothing here PLEASE HELP ME CUZ I RILLY RILLY LYKE SAWNEEC THA HEDGE-HAAAAAAAWG AND I THEENK YER SYTE IS KEYWLL!!!Q%^#@(*&^RE(*7
Wait a few minutes to an hour for Evil WB (or one of his many Forumer Representatives) to come along and check requests and voila - you shall be queued instantly for being "newbie eaten"! ^___^
Another way to be eaten, which is much quicker, but is bound to make you more enemies is to open Post New Topic, make one sentence, and continously reply to yourself inanely until you have efficiently flooded the board and people are screaming to burn your mangled shriveled bones (which they themselves beat you up for) until you die a slow horrible death by listening to an endlessly repeating tape of The Macarena or The Barney Song! 🙂
In situations like this, most likely, it is also noteable that the newbie often ends up eating themselves in sheer animocity to this obvious torture.
We hope that this small tutorial has educated you on the proper was to fully signify that you are a newbie and thus begging to be eaten.
Of course - dont blame us if Evil WB or someone else just eats you anyway, out of the sheer principle of the thing ^__^
Adieu!
Evil WB Inc.
A Division of Mofo Enterprises Unlimited!
Eating newbies and nacking weasels for fun and profit in good single gulps since 1997!
"It's DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-lish!" - Evil WB, Owner and Proprietor
So THAT'S why I haven't been eaten ... I know where my caps lock key is and don't know HTML ... I see now *nods* Thank you for explaining.
**eats Svanuri !!!***
BURP!
Now wasnt that nice of me? 
*points to Vec`s `Newbie of the Month` award, and whaps Dub repeatedly with a trout until he spits Svanuri out*
I called dibs on this one! Go and find your own newbie! 😉
I don't react well to admin stomach acids ... please put me back ... pretty please? *jabs with newbie of the month award*
SO EAT ME, GODDAMNIT!!!!
There's something darkly funny about someone yelling "EAT ME, GODDAMNIT!"
hmm...interesting.
Why have I not been eaten? Even though I've been registered for what, almost 4 months, I am somewhat new, yes? And newbies have to be eaten so that they won't be newbies anymore and so they know what it's like to be eaten by a non-newbie and be.. uh... a fellow non-newbie! That way I will not be a newbie anymore and can go about my business like all of you and not be a newbie! I deserve non-newbieness, too! "I AM MOFO JOJO!!!" 
If I'm not eaten soon, I'm taking this insubordination straight to your boss!!!
*reads the last part of EWB's 1st post*
OHHHHHHH.... YOU'RE the boss. Uh-huh...
Would you like me to fluff your pillow? Get you a mint? Pit you an olive?
*I'm so scared right now...* ^_^
Hmmm.... That's Why. Ok... EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SAID EAT ME! Mr. Evil WB Thing surrounded by an army of Rubber Chickens I said EAT ME!
Well, it was actually inadvertant. I was fighting with a bunch of people, and for no reason, I was eaten alive by Evil Dub's somewhat nicer twin. I wasn't even a newbie! Wasn't that nice of him? So there, newbies! 
(Eats Rex like Krakens' super form in Power Stone)
ROAR!
YUM YUM!
Very nutritious! 😛
(Spits Rex out)
(Eats Double...er...however you do that cross thing Cross Kraken style!)
Yummy! I'm getting the hang of this! ^__^
Hey Eat me eat me eat me!!! Wait on second thought AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*runs off at full speed only to be stopped by brick wall wich he breaks through but theres metal inside to brick walls and he hits that. Then goes down like a tree* NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are no longer in the NPD jurisdiction so if someone wants to eat you they can with no inference from the NPD.
Later,
RT
I am sorta prepared to be eaten and I understand I am outside the NPD Juristiction... as I have not been eaten yet, Eat me?
I just don't know if it is very... nutritional... to be eating Newbies...
If you do so chose to, Eat me, but be prepared as I make jokes(not always good), and am (i think) a newbie...
Dig In?
*eats Calista* BURP! Hmm... ya know, Dub's not keeping up with the newbie eating lately. Diet perhaps? 😛
*baps vec upside the head, then makes him spit out Calista*
[hillbilly accent] Ma newbie ya varmint![/hilbilly accent]
*phew* You alright Calista? Good, cause' now I eat You!
Wow,. that's a lot of laghing. Have fun at the MoFo!
so? waht are ya waiting for? EAT ME!!!!
no? then... COMETE ESTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup..just as RT said...it's newbie free week! Soo..if any newbie pops in here...eat them! And have fun!!
Shadow
(jups on top of Mr.torture, and eats him)
Slightly tangy, with a minty aftertaste.
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