Cuz they ruined the last funny thread, with their trunks... and their big feet. 
Only in America....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. !
Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER .....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
~Rico
EDIT: All clouds will be eaten.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
So you have a few hotdogs to eat raw while cooking. =D
Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
The Poli- part decends frin a word that means citizen. =o
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Same reason the word for the fear of long words is so long: irony. =D
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
"Prac-tice: 7. the business of a professional person" =O
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
You only want the flavor of the lemons in the juice, but you want the lemon acid to be in the soap.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
"based on Sp alboroque: gift or drink concluding a transaction"
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
It's when every gets out of work and rushes home.
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Mice taste taste terrible. =O Chicken and pork and stuff is better.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
When the entire world is a giant pool, I doubt the skeeter needed to stay on the ark when it can reproduce outside. Unless for sucking on the animals.
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
So he won't get sick, silly. =O
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
It'd be too heavy to fly.
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
It's raw wool.
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
It's many separate homes all in one space. =O
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Based on latin congressus, meeting, assembly.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Something terminal occurs at or forms the end of a series, such as a airport web.
Do not question my research please. I'm not a expert or anything. 
*eaten?*
NOOOOO! THESE THINGS MUST NOT HAVE REASONS!!!
Hey, did I see you on a youtube video TTG? The one where you hit for MASSIVE DAMAGE?
~Rico
huh? Linkplz
:O @ those passionate turtles being intruded upon by a camera
NO THAT NOT ME
I got baleeted
Cuz ur a cloud. =(
~Rico
Quote:
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
You have no idea how much I ask this question.
You lie
~Rico
lol, then again "rush" hour here consists of like 50 people on main street.
~Rico
"If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?"
all i can say is OWNED 
By the way, that Reave fellow? He's a freakin' genius.
Reave > Rico
How to prove?
Say that x = Sarcasm Factor, and v = Intimidation Coefficient. Also, x and v are always > 0.
Rico = vx
Reave = 1,000,000vx
So no matter what, Reave is always more sarcastic and intimidating than you.
Mathematically proven!
I know, it sucks but at least I don't give up. Well maybe I did on the intimidation part cuz it was scaring the newbies. But I will never give up on the sarcasm! NEVAH!
~Rico
I'm sorry Rico baby, but according to what he said giving up on intimidation makes you a big fat zero >.o
Quote:
You only want the flavor of the lemons in the juice, but you want the lemon acid to be in the soap.
This makes me want to pelt you with lemons. They're the same g@!%@&n thing. Unless you were trying to be funny 
Now for the real truth:
Daddy dresses like mommy.
Tell no one ![:]](https://www.lighthead.net/misc/mofo/smilies/biggrinshaded.gif)
but but but... I wanna be nice...
Why do you guys drive in parkways but park in driveways?
LOL! they left that one off.
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment; but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
Why are there personal flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Quote:
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Acrio has the answer to that one. :3
~Rico
Also, why are there interstates in Hawaii?
"Welcome to Hawaii: How Did You Get Here By Driving?"
Because Winnebago's are really top secret submarines?
~Rico
Lol.
And here I am being stupid and coming up the answers. 
Quote:
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
That reminds me...
They tried selling american baby food in Africa (which has pictures of children on the labels), but since the literacy rate is so low, they go by the picture on the label.
Yeah...not a big hit.
Quote:
Why do you guys drive in parkways but park in driveways?
Okay, why are chalkboard called blackboards when they are actually green?
These were all great. You win the MoFo for the week.
Why is it that when a foreign country makes a movie making fun of Americans, it's called satire, but when an American makes a movie making fun of foreigners, it's called OMG 0|=|=3||SI/3!1111111....?
how come when white people call black people n*ggas it's racist, but when black people call white people crackers, it's funny?
how come when white people call black people n*ggas it's racist, but when black people call white people crackers, it's funny?
Long story, but I'm pretty sure it involves a fork somewhere down the line.
Forks? FORKS?
Poppycock!
Cheese is the answer.
Sporks > Forks. Just ask our resident Master of Spork-Fu.
~SilverShadow.
For a moment I thought YOU were claiming the Spork-Fu Master title. o.-
~Rico
i am not an elefunt i am the authortiy! ure list made me rotfs ure a funnee persun. tnx for making me smile!
