Ok now its time for all the kiddies to gather 'round and listen to ol' espy's tale of narcotics. Let me take you back to a time, long, long ago *about 18 hours ago*. We see our hero *me* on the rugby field in Wasthenaw, Michigan, off dixboro lane, off dixboro road... Our hero, a firey and passionate flanker for Brighton Highschool, is seen closed in on. The scrum goes down, a 1000lb mess of black and orange, slamming against a 1000lb mess of blue and red. "CROUCH", calls the umpire, "TOUCH", "HOOOOOLD"..."ENGAGE! Ball in NOW." The weight pushes back on me as i plant my left foot down to close the gap in the scrum, the ball bounces from our team to theirs and is caught by their hookers foot and gently works its way to the back...
Their 8-man *back of the scrum* picks up the ball and begins carrying it, i let loose of the scrum and lunge for his knees, taking him down. Too many bodies are on me and i cant get up right away, so i wait in the fetal position until the pressure is off of my body. When it is, i get up, make clear my surroundings. I see the ball thrown away from the ruck by their scrum-half, i start a deadsprint horizontaly across the field, one of our backs tries to tackle the ball carrier but just hangs on. I run up and tear the ball from him, no one sees me take it. I sprint up past him carrying the ball in my left hand.
I see 2 people, the first one *a small bald kid* reaches out for me after about 8 feet of running. I post my arm and stiff arm him, he falls like fodder...The second one hits me in my chest and someone else takes out my legs, i begin falling backwards, turn my toreso and set the ball perfectly for my team, i was very proud of my run...
Fast foreward 5 seconds, my shoulder feels like it was ripped in half, i can't move my neck.I try and look at it, but the sweat is runing down in my eyes and i cannot open them. I hear the ump telling the teammates to get back. They start looking at it, i cant get up. I just stay on my knees thinking, "How could i get hurt again? I was doing good...what happened?" My dad comes out and i get helped off the pitch. Our manager *my ex* starts asking me what happens, i dont answer though i'd like to have kicked her in the face at the time...
Everyone is very concerned on both teams *i practice with the Dexter team frequently as its coach is a BHS alumni* but i dont want to talk to anyone, it hurts my neck and throat when i say stuff. Breathing hurts. Sniffing hurts. I stay silent and get helped into my dads little car. He drives me to a nearby Hospital, every turn and bump feels like my neck was on a rack, being pulled and turned off. The pain shoots through my teeth, and tears and sweat mix in my eyes.
We get to the hospital and sign me in, the pain is too much for me to take, i fall to my knees and wait. Someone *in a nursing gown* comes with a wheelchair and they put me in, i am coherent but cant see, speak, or move my head. They put me on a scale, then give me 5kg of morphine. I am then put on a bed and ask questions, "On a scale of 1-10 what kind of pain are you in now?", that goes without saying. They cap the IV in my hand and move me around a bit, cut my sweaty shirt off *I cant believe the cut my shirt in half in hindsite* and take me to get exrays, my neck is starting to ease up a bit, i can open my eyes now, the sweat dried. I look up *because i can only see up* and watch the ceiling panels go by.
After the x-rays they take me back to the room, a nurse turns the kentucky derby on TV, but i cant move my head to watch. I wait for about 10 minutes before the doctor comes back. They said it was a dislocated shoulder and they were going to give me a sedative before they put it back, i told them just to do it, that i didnt want any drugs. They put a needle in the IV and said i was getting some special "K", enough that i wouldnt know what happened.
My vision blurred rapidly...i felt awake and coherent, but why i couldnt i see anything anymore. Lines and lights flew by my mind. After a few seconds of seemingly traveling, i realise i am not in my body anymore...did i die? was in a coma? The lights continue forever and i follow them, i felt like i was experiencing spagehtification and was now in a 2 dimensional reality, only able to see the 2D figure in front of me. Did the world end? was I on my way to heaven? My life started flashing before my eyes. I thought about my mom, my dad, where did he go? My sisters and brothers, and God. Was i with god? was i about to be reincarnated? What was going on? this feeling lasted for a very long time, but time didnt seem to matter. Suddenly i felt my lips, and my teeth. I tried licking my dry lips, it felt like my tongue run up and around my head, inside my lips, and was cut in half by my teeth. but there was no pain. I started getting feeling in my teeth. everything was so blurry, i couldnt make out what i was seeing... I couldnt speak right, just ughs. My mind turns to Terry Schaivo, was i a vegetable? "What's going on?" I hear myself say as i think it.
A big white thing *later discovered to be a straw* lunges into my mouth being held by a black blob. A liquid moves down my throat and is caught there, i choke for a second, then swallow. The water helps me come back to conciousness. For the next half hour i steadily get control back to my body. I ask a dozen questions, where's god? who are you? what happened? what's special K? where am i? what time is it? It all comes back to me... Is my arm better? "yes" good... There is no pain, i look at my feet, i am kicking back and forth.
I try and get up, i feel like i could run a million miles, so i attempt to get out of my bed, they push me back there are 3 or 6 of them, and the black thing *my dad* he shoves something in my face, he says its a popsicle. I waive my hand at him, "No", i am thinking logicaly but when i talk its slow, its delayed, and its slurred, and its simple. I feel like a baby. He puts the popsicle into his head. "Don't...eat my popsicle" I manage. He brings it back into my face, i shake my head and draw back. "No...I dont want it". As i regain my senses, i tell the doctors not to ever give me drugs again, i understand what happened but its still funny to me. I try and get up again, they wont let me leave. Next thing i know i am in a wheelchair being taken out. I put my feet pedals up and try standing, they grab me and put me in the chair. I dont need it *i think to myself* I start standing up but am put back in the chair.
The drive home is intersting. I keep making myself dizzy but am determined not to get sick. I talk on the phone with my mom in a dreamy haze, when i get back i just want to talk with people. I have a very powerful urge to tell people things since i am high and *in my mind* partially unaccountable for things that i say. I call Howie's place up, no one there so i leave *what i can only imagine to be* a fairly humorous phonecall. I call my brother *he isnt home* and leave him one too, saying how he is misisng his only oppurtunity to talk with me while under the influence.
I call my friend Tayto*Mike* and tell him i sound like him normally while high. We schedule band practice and i pledge to find new talent for the ska portions of it. Then i take off my shoes *an incredible experience* it actually felt more like taking off my feet. In the process of playing around and feeling nausious i get something to drink and have something to eat *it had been a long time since i had last eaten*. After that i go to bed and slip away. Dreaming about my math teacher grading me down for not getting my homework done and me @#%$ her out about how i was drugged and injured and unable to finish.
In the morning the first thing i noticed was the extremely painful stabbing feeling in my shoulder and neck again. I carefully get out of bed and walk down the hall, grab the vicodin*prescribed* and then head to the computer, to recount my tale to you all. Now we come back to me, tired, in pain, and having trouble typing this thing with one hand. I can only thank typing of the dead for my abilities and endurance to hen peck this using one finger and a thumb.

The moral; If you want to take lots of ketemin legaly, play rugby... oh and stay away from drugs :p