Man Breaks Into Home Over Porn Screams
OCONOMOWOC, Wis. (Feb. 21) - A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.
"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. "This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."
According to a criminal complaint, the neighbor told police that Van Iveren pounded on the door and kicked it open without warning Feb. 12, damaging the frame and lock.
"Where is she?" Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the sword at the neighbor, the complaint said. "Where is she?"
The neighbor told police Van Iveren became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. The complaint said that, with the sword pointed at him, the neighbor led Van Iveren throughout the apartment, opening closet doors to prove he was alone.
The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs.
Van Iveren, 39, of Oconomowoc, was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct, all while using a dangerous weapon, and is due in court March 5. Together, the misdemeanor counts carry a maximum sentence of 33 months in jail.
Van Iveren said Tuesday that he heard a woman "screaming for help," grabbed the sword, bounded up the stairs, kicked in the apartment door and confronted the man who lived there.
"I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," he told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.
Contesting his neighbor's account, Van Iveren said he didn't look anywhere in the apartment except the front room, and that he never threatened the neighbor with the sword.
"I had the sword extended. But that was all," he said.
Van Iveren, who lives with his mother in the downstairs apartment, said he did not call police when he heard the noises because he does not have a telephone. He said he barely knew the upstairs tenant.
Police seized Van Iveren's sword, which he said was a family heirloom.
*snorted out her drink reading this*
That made me burst out laughing.
That was hilarous XD
Lesson learned. If you hear someone yelling for help, according the police, ignore it.
~Tobe
Man, if some guy grasping a sword kicked in my door and started yelling at me, I'd be scared to do anything after that.
Hero-of-the-year award right here.
I guess the guy learned he should keep the volume down now, especially when you live upstairs from Conan the Barbarian.
And other assorted one-liners
He thought he was a ninja?
I got nothing.
~Tobe
Thta's fricking awesome.
Only thing that could have went better is if the other guy whipped out his sword and they had a duel that spilled out into the streets...
Funny nonetheless...
...Don't take a certain part of my answer in a differed context .
This poor man should be regarded as a hero, not a laughing stock. For @#%$'s sake, he was threatening a potential rapist with a sword. How many of you pussies could honestly say that you'd do that?
And what kind of porn was this other guy watching that was laden with screams that sounded like rape?
Deck's right. It's funny, but I don't know that I'd ignore a woman screaming for help.
...Though, I'd call the police, really. The police always say something aong the lines of calling police, and screams for help IS probable cause for a search.
And yeah, that's a good point. What the hell kind of porn has women screaming for help? (Don't answer that, it's rhetorical.) I mean, if you're into that, at least don't turn it up so loud other people in the building can hear it.
See my first post.
~Tobe
This poor man should be regarded as a hero, not a laughing stock. For @#%$'s sake, he was threatening a potential rapist with a sword. How many of you pussies could honestly say that you'd do that?
I'm not lsughing at the guy, so much as I'm just laughing at the situation overall. It's a lot like the movie Ruthless People - just one of those things you think doesn't happen in real life, but somehow it does. (As for why the guy had a screaming woman on his movie, you'd be surprised how many people scream during intercourse - for some it seems to be a method of arousal. You also do get it a lot in porn, it seems. Or maybe it's just my perception. ^^;)
Personally, we need more people who are willing to stand up like that. The situation just turned out rather comedic is all ^^;;
Scream for HELP, Cooki? I don't mind about screaming, but screaming for help is not things normal men find arousing...I think.
But yeah, the police do say to notify them instead. Always have.
He's my hero now.
I'm re-writing this story in my head to make it more amusing. Now I picture the guy being Maddox the Pirate, and his line being "Unhand her, you cur!"
The neighbour wasn't watching porn, he was filming it. The poor woman screaming for help ended up being some famous attractive actress or something, and she swooned and hugged onto her hero, Maddox the Pirate.
Maddox ended the encounter by deheading the perverted neighbour and using his skull as a cereal bowl to eat Captain Crunch.
...
I reject your reality in place of my own. My one has pirates.
What about ninjas, Craig? 😉
www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=569088
This is the only link I've found that claims that the wannabe-hero was late to the rescue.
Quote:
This poor man should be regarded as a hero, not a laughing stock. For @#%$'s sake, he was threatening a potential rapist with a sword. How many of you pussies could honestly say that you'd do that?
Don't you know, heroes are laughing stocks. Like anyone does the right thing anymore. Blashpemy! 
Besides, how many of us has swords? Or even need a sword when a long knife would work as well
i have menny swords.... the one id pick is ether the 12inch dagger on my dresser or the 4 1/2 foot sword by the dresser... thee smaller one is easyer to hold and is really sharp the 4 1/2 footer my knight's sword is a heavy 2 hand sword.... yes i do have wepons in my room and i have BB guns (not air soft) and my mom and dad let me keep them aslong as i dont kill anyone... my family is well... strange....
What ever happened to saying sorry and just paying for the damage? No, you could go to jail... wtf. America... wtf... But im the hypocrite because im the one who was in the air force and i still live here. I love the country, but i cant help its full of morons.
A guy goes to jail and gets a family heirloom confiscated because he was trying to do the right thing.
I don't know if I should laugh at the whole situation, or just "wtf" over this.
Decisions decisions... o_o
America is crap sometimes.
To be fair though, he was 10 hours late for his rescue attempt...
I... really can't help but feel sorry for our heroic swordsman. If I lived in an apartment and though someone nearby was being raped, I'd make a grab for my sword (the only defense I really own) and try to rescue them. I don't think I'd kick a door down and shout and all, but I'd at the very least knock and make sure before I caused any property damage.
This fellow is a hero, to me, he's just a hero with not enough common sense. He's about 500 years too late for the days of spontaneously busting in people's houses with swords and righting wrongs.
I'll give the guy his due in that at least he wasn't afraid to act if he felt that something was wrong. That's not stupid.
Like someone already said: if the police're advising you to ignore what you think is a serious crime being perpetrated against another person, then the risk of looking a little silly is probably worth it as far as I'm concerned.
I'd be more inclined to ask why the police couldn't get off their backsides and investigate the sounds themselves.
