Oh yes. Tis that time of year again. This Sunday in the wee hours of the morning (GMT) The Formula One Circus starts up again.

Also what the heck 2K Post Y'all. John W Echidna is dead until my 2999 post.

But what is Formula One and why should I care? Formula One is the pinnacle of Motor sport. I don't know why you should care. But they do go around both left and right corners in Formula One.

I know. You are now thinking wow. But who is driving for what team this year. This guide should tell you. Also how you should pronounce their names.

Renault. Livery: White, Yellow and Orange. (Yes its as bad as you think it is)
The World Champions for two years running should have a fast car this year. But at the moment they are looking like the 3rd or even 4th fastest. Perhaps the team isn't as motivated now Alonso is gone. But still there is no reason for this lack of pace.

Drivers: Giancarlo (GEE-EN-CAR-LO) Fisichella (FIZ-ZEE-C-HEL-LA)
F1 Highlight: Being Alonso's lapdog for two seasons.
Was one of those drivers who you would think "If only he was in a top team". When that time came though he crashed and burned. Which is a shame really. He's always really 'appy. To regain some credibility he must destroy his rookie team mate.

Heikki (HI-KEY) Kovalainen (KA-VA-LINE-NEN)
F1 Highlight: First year in Formula One.
Should be fast. Has been at Renault since 2005 as a test driver. Nothing else to say.

Ferrari (Formerly Herr Michael Schumacher Kartteamwerken GmbH) Livery: Red.
The fastest team in winter testing. So they are looking alright. First season without M. Schumacher though and its surprisingly hard to see who is going to be the no. 1 driver. Both are looking fast. They have a big advantage this year by being the only competitive Bridgestone runners last year starting in a season where Bridgestone are supplying all the teams.

Drivers: Felipe (PHIL-LEE-PAY) Massa (MAS-SA)
F1 Highlight: Being the first Brazilian since Aryton Senna to win the Brazilian Grand Prix
Despite people saying that he was too erratic to be in a top team, he proved his critics wrong and gradually improved throughout the season so much that he was allowed to beat Schumacher.

Kimi (KIM-EE) Raikkonen (RA-EYE-KO-NEN)
F1 Highlight: Almost winning the 2003 championship with 2002's car.
He can drive cars quickly. He likes a bit of a drink. Jacques Villeneuve said recently that Kimi won't be able to lead a team like Schumacher because he doesn't care about the sport enough. Which could be a fair criticism. He starts this year as a firm favourite for the title though.

McLaren Mercedes. Livery: Silver, Black and Red.
They should be fast this year. They have the current world champion in their car and in winter testing they looked to be the 2nd fastest. But they haven't had a fast and reliable car in years.

Drivers: Fernando (FER-NAN-DO) Alonso (AH-LON-SO)
F1 Highlight: Youngest Driver to do everything.
The youngest ever two time world champion. He has a chance to do something that has only been done twice. By the same man. He has a chance to change teams and successfully defend the championship. Unfortunately the McLaren effect has happened. He has had a haircut and shaved his beard.

Lewis (LOO-IS) Hamilton (HAM-ILL-TON)
F1 Highlight: Dbut year. Also the first black driver... *shot*
A rookie who has dominated in every form of motor sport he has been in. A well spoken fellow. Shouldn't have any expectations thrown on him. He isn't expected to beat Alonso this year. And he shouldn't really.

Honda. Livery: Earth Scheme. Yes it has backfired on them.
Not looking good for Honda this year. They have now followed Toyota's steps by having everything ruled by committee. Oh dear.
Drivers: Jenson (JEN-SON) Button (BUT-TON)
F1 Highlight: He won a race last year. Which was nice. Also Buttongate 1 and 2. More epic than both the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the original Star Wars trilogy. Smooshed together.
A smooth driver. He has the power of the beard behind him.

Rubens (ROO-BENS) Barrichello (BAR-EE-KHEL-LO)
F1 Highlight: The Current Unluckiest Driver in F1.
He is always very 'appy despite his F1 highlight and he is well place in Honda after a slow start last year.

BMW-Sauber. Livery: White and Blue.
Should be a good year following their debut year last year. They should be a bit of a surprise package.

Drivers: Nick (NEE-ICK) Heidfeld (HI-DED-FEL-ED)
F1 Highlight: Was impressive against Mark Webber in 2005.
Quick Nick has always been his nick name. And he still is Quick Nick. He has always performed better or as well as his team mates. But he is very quiet.

Robert (ROB-BERR) Kubica (COO-BIC-CA)
F1 Highlight: Being faster than a slow Canadian.
Replaced Jacques Villeneuve in the middle of last season. Kubica is the first polish F1 driver which means the media is waiting for First Ever Pole on Pole this season.

Toyota. Livery Red and White.
Toyota has been heamorridging money into this team and so far it has gotten them two pole positions and a smattering of podiums. This year its going to be more of the same.

Drivers: Ralf (RAL-FF) Schumacher (SHOO-MAK-KER)
F1 Highlight: Bonking Jordan.
Fact: Ralf, when he is motivated is one of the best drivers in F1. Fact: He is obese-ly overpaid. Fact: More often than not he is unmotivated and thus slow. Fact: If Michael is Sonic then Ralf is a sweary Shadow.

Jarno (YAR-NO) Trulli (TRU-LEE)
F1 Highlight: 2004 Monaco GP Win. Then being unable to talk about it because of a sore throat.
Jarno Trulli is the fastest driver in F1 for a single lap. He will obtain a driving zenith in qualifying. But in the race he is a mobile chicane. This is the Trulli Train effect.

Red Bull. Livery: Dark Blue and Silver.
Red Bull should be quite a good team a bit later on in the year. They have hired Adrian Newey as their designer and with no shortage of cash, they should be able to develop the car as the season goes on. Might be a bit of a power struggle between Coulthard and Webber though.

Drivers: David (DAVE-VID) Coulthard (COOL-TH-ARD)
F1 Highlight: Most successful Driver in F1 without winning a championship.
David Coulthard is proof of the McLaren Effect. At McLaren he was the Number 2 driver behind a Finnish driver. Then in Red Bull where they allowed him to relax and grow a grey beard he became good again. With Red Bull he is doing a sort of Michael Schumacher where he is sorting out what people to hire to be competitive. Much to the annoyance of McLaren and Renault.

Mark (MAR-KE) Webber (WEB-BER)
F1 Highlight: 2002 Debut Race and home race for himself and Minardi boss Paul Stoddart. He came 5th. It was good because Minardi were poo.
Mark Webber is in the same place Pre Renault Giancarlo Fisichella is in. If only he had a good car. The trademark of Webber is to drive poop boxes fast. He hasn't had a good car. This might be the exception.

Williams. Livery: Blue and White.
Very unreliable last year. This year should be different. They like BMW were a surprise in testing. They have two good drivers and a good engine. Mind you they were fast early last year too.

Drivers: Nico (NICK-OH) Rosberg (ROSS-BER-ERG)
F1 Highlight: Getting the fastest lap on his debut race.
Was quite fast last year but also quite sloppy. Thats about it really.

Alex (AL-ECKS) Wurz (VER-ERTZ)
F1 Highligh: After 5 years of testing on a one off race he got a podium at Imola 2005.
Out of the races for a long time. He has always been quite good really. No real reason why he shouldn't be quite good.

Scuderia Toro Rosso. Livery: Dark Blue and Red.
Formerly Minardi. Now the current rule breakers in F1. Last year they ran regulated V10s when the rest of the grid was racing with V8s. This year they are running a very similar chassis to Red Bull which you aren't supposed to do until next year. They might be excluded from all results if Williams and Spyker get their way. Also STR were showing no confidence in their drivers by only confirming them last month.

Drivers: Vitantonio (VI-TAN-TO-KNEE-OH) Luizzi (LOO-IT-ZEE)
F1 Highlight: Scoring a point at last years US GP.
He hasn't really done anything. He was quite good compared to his team mate but still, meh. He'll need to impress this year to keep his seat.

Scott (ESS-COT) Speed (ESS-PEA-DED)
F1 Highlight: Swearing at David Coulthard.
He is the only F1 driver from America in F1 at the moment. He hasn't looked all that great in F1.

Spyker. (Formerly Midland... Formerly Jordan) Livery: Bright Orange and Silver.
They are expecting a tough year and if it was up to Mike Gascoyne (Technical Director) they would skip this year and start early for 2008. But they are bringing in a new car at the middle of the year so things might look up for them.

Drivers: Christijan (CHRIS-YEN) Albers (AL-BERS)
F1 Highlight:... No can't think of one.
A dirty driver and proof that nice guys don't always finish last. But he is quite quick.

Sebastian (SEA-BASS-TEA-EN) Vettel (VET-TEL)
F1 Highlight: First year in F1.
Not sure on his. Should have a good comparision with Albers.

Super Aguri. Livery: White and Red.
They were quite impressive at the end of last year. The team was only formed at the end of 2005 because of Takuma Sato's legions of fans canceling orders with Honda. And at the end of the year they were starting to get competitive with the mid field. They like Toro Rosso might be excluded from the results because their chassis looks awfully like last years Honda. Might give Honda a run for their money this year.

Takuma (TACK-COO-MA) Sato (SAR-TO)
F1 Highlight: Crashing into Michael Schumacher at Spa 2005.
If you look up the definition of kamikaze in the dictionary you would find a picture of Mr. Sato. He is quick but every overtaking move he makes is his last.

Anthony (ANT-HONE-KNEE) Davidson (DAVE-VID-SON)
F1 Highlight: Has only had three races and he retired from them all. First full season in F1.
He is good. That is all.

That is it for the teams. Now here is the "Whatever happened to?" section.

Schumacher, Michael. Retired.
Jordan. Married Peter Andre. 🙁
Jordan, Eddie. F1 Racing Columnist.
Minardi. Sold to the Red Bull.
Stoddart, Paul. Starting up Minardi Team USA in Champ Car.
Villeneuve, Jacques. Got a degree of credibility back with Sauber/BMW. He is now a singer.
Montoya, Juan Pablo. Now racing in a saloon car series for rednecks.
Monteiro, Tiago. Replaced by Sebastian Vettel.
Cosworth. Replaced by all the big manufactures. 🙁