If some of you remember, a while back I announced I as leaving the MoFo and Emerald so I could sort out some emotional problems. I later came back, saying this was one of the happiest place for me, and it was best for me to stay.

Well...

I can't find myself to pull any happiness out of the forum anymore. Or the chat. So... I'm gone. But his time... I'm doing more. I've been telling all of my online friends to take me of their buddy lists and never IM me again. I already got Kristie to do it...

But, there's even more. I'm about to e-mail my only offline friend, you know him as CyKairus, and telling him to forget about me. To never expect me online, to never come to my house, to never call me, to never make plans with me.

And even more... I'm going to drop to my knees and pray tonight. I'm going to ask God to end my life. It will be the 4th time I've prayed in 8 years. I know God knows how miserable I am, and I've felt how He's ignored me. I'm going to ask Him for the strengh to die, as I have asked for the strengh to live, and never recieved it.

I'm 16 years old. I lost faith in God when I was 7. I became depressed when I was 8. I became suicidal when I turned 11. By 14, I had given up hope. At 15 and 16, I found and lost love. For weeks now I haven't smiled. My eyes have felt heavy. My heart has felt hurt and low. My lungs have felt weak. I just can't take anymore...

So everyone... I wish all of you to have the happy life I could never get. To all find love, and never let it go. To find peace with yourself, with the world, and with God. Don't let your friends go... you'll always want them back...

Goodbye, everyone...