I spent a little time poking around The US Patent and Trademark Office's website looking for any patent for assignee "Taco Bell".
Did you know that Taco Bell's paper taco wrappers are patented?
Quote:
US # 4608259:
The pocket front and back sheets and the overwrap sheet are preferably integrally formed from one generally rectangular blank of paper material.
Absolute genius! They patented A VAGUE CONCEPT OF SOMETHING GENERALLY
SORT OF RECTANGULAR AND KIND OF PAPERY!
The patent, of course, has one of those technical drawings with little numbers pointing to different parts of the machine which, in this case, is all 26 parts of the, um... sheet of paper. (Well, okay, one part is a taco. However, the patent does not say "Taco Not Included" so I demand a free taco with the next empty wrapper I buy.)
Taco Bell also invented cardboard taco holders...
Quote:
US # 4573570:
Each cutout has a cross section substantially in the shape of a taco base, and an unwrapped taco can be placed in and supported upright across the opposed cutouts, or a partially eaten taco can be supported upright by only a single cutout, with the taco being supported in many possible positions, such that the structural support also serves as a taco stand for either a whole or partially eaten taco.
...and it could hold a partially-eaten taco forever!
And how about a patent on a box with dividers in it...
Quote:
US # 4807776:
A closeable container and, more specifically, a multi-compartmented container arrangement which is adapted for the separated stowage and dispensing of a plurality of different kinds of foodstuffs or items which are adapted to be carried in a discretely tiered and compartmented relationship within the container.
I like how they're discretely tiered, as opposed to those other cardboard boxes that have irrational numbers of layers.
And then there's "content-identifying carton structure"...
Quote:
US # 4684023, revised as US # RE033979:
A multi-purpose carton and, more particularly, a folding paperboard carton incorporating content-identifying structure enabling identification of the carton contents without necessitating the opening of the carton. Moreover, also disclosed is a paperboard blank for forming the carton.
In other words, this one patent covers (a) writing things on boxes and also (b) folding the box shut. How does this box work its magic? It has little tabs you can push in to indicate "TACO", "NO TOMATO", "DOG FOOD", or whatever. You know, like those soda-cup lids every fast food place has always used but never pushed in the bumps on.
Here's a good one. "Manually-operable ratchet type dispenser for comestibles"
is a patent on a ketchup dispenser.
Quote:
US # 4323176:
The advance of the ratchet, will cause the bottom of the container to move into the container so as to displace an equal volume comestible and force the displayed quantity of comestible out of a container dispensing orifice.
It doesn't say whether the ketchup goes "SPLUT!" or "BLURP!" as it comes out.
Think that's amazing technology? Taco Bell has also invented a "heating apparatus and method of heating a food product"...
Quote:
US # 4585661
An apparatus for the rapid and essentially uniform heating of a food product, including a heating oven utilizing a novel heat generating system for the generating of a heated gaseous fluid medium, such as steam, for the rapid heating or cooking of food, and wherein the apparatus is adapted for home and/or commercial utilizations.
The last couple lines mean that lawyers will claim this patent also covers Easy-Bake ovens.
EVEN THOUGH IT'S JUST A STUPID STEAM TABLE!
Did you know Taco Bell has a machine which can automatically heat, fill, and top tacos without the need for human intervention, to prevent the greasy service-droids from screwing up your "NO TOMATO" order? Apparently they only have them in the good Taco Bells, not the ones we have around here:
Quote:
US # 5531156:
An automatic taco machine can automatically make both soft and hard tacos. Storage compartments for soft tortillas and hard taco shells are mounted above a V-shaped conveyor. A soft tortilla is removable from a stack of tortills by a vacuum pick-up head and is heated and is inserted between a pair of heated plates where it is compressed and heated. A pusher bar moves downwardly through slots in the heater plates to fold the tortilla and push it onto the conveyor. A hot food dispenser and a cold food dispenser dispense hot and cold food onto the tortilla as it is moved by the conveyor. A hard taco shell is removable from a stack of taco shells by a reciprocably mounted peeler which separates the bottom taco shell from the stack and supports the stack while the bottom taco shell drops to the conveyor. The conveyor moves the taco shell past the hot and cold food dispensers.
My pusher bar can beat up your reciprocably mounted peeler, if you know what I mean, and if you're a gal with a vacuum pick-up head.
You can click here to check out the remaining ones, including the "Method and apparatus for automating the generation of a legal document" which I can never mention again because I just got sued 518,344,238,956 times.
At least they`re not taking the British Telecom route and leaving it this long to try too claim that they`ve owned the patents on hyperlinking technology since the 1970s.
