Discussion on #srb2fun of generic American landscapes led to discussion of how varied America really is if you explore which led to me realizing just how much of America I've been over which led to me realizing just how much of EUROPE I've been over which led to me remembering England which led to me remembering Sonic the Comic. True story.
So, without further ado, I'm going to poke fun at a large amount of cover art. And you are to collectively groan at me.
Ready? Let's go.
I wasn't gonna start with this one, but after seeing just how ridiculously porky Axel looks, I just had to make mention of it. It's, like, all three were possessed by this guy or something.
What's even better is that Streets of Rage will meet the Street Fighters. Sadly, I don't think you'll see Axel and Ryu trade Grand Upper/Hadoukens here, nor will you see Blaze and Chun-Li have a nice tête-à -tête.
And who the hell is that third guy? Adam? Max? Leaning toward Max, but it's not all that apparent (not helped by the fact that I never, ever played as Max).
Just pointing out that the side series this apparently spawned was brilliant. I wasn't even aware it was a game until much, much later.
Why does this guy remind me of Doug for some reason? You know, the old cartoon, Doug.
This must have been the issue where Eggman changed from his game look to his AoStH look... and while I commend StC for making AoStH Eggman look like a badass, I still don't think I agree with this change - the game Eggman always was a better design, in my mind.
As I was saying...
Blade Runner? I don't see Harrison Ford here.
He can't breath underwater, but he has no qualms whatsoever floating out in outer space, where there's even LESS oxygen to breathe in. Not to mention a lack of atmospheric pressure would cause his blood to boil and eventually cause an extremely graphic explosion.
Why, I wasn't aware you guys played Baseball. I thought you were more into Cricket or Rounders or something.
Oh, right, just like in "Wonderman"! I was wondering where that head came from.
Tails tries to be the most intimidating he can possibly be, complete with "grrrrr" and everything. Sadly, he looks ridiculous enough in the suit of armor to completely counteract any intimidation "grrrr" might incur. The sword, on the other hand...
I love how ridiculous this image looks.
"Yeah, man, I'm now hangin' on a ladder above the ocean an' bein' chased by helicopters and stuff, right? An' y'know who I'm blamin' for this mess? You, mothalova! For rizzle!"
or
"Streets of GENERIC RAGE"
That is the most off-model Buzzer I've ever seen.
Everybody's favorite Decap Attack stars get attacked by Dick Gumshoe, who apparently has decided to move from showing his real live pistol to prepubescent spirit mediums-in-training to actually USING the real live pistol. Good man, Gumshoe. Good man.
Tails tries to emulate The Matrix's style, only to realize that they use BLACK leather, that he forgot the sunglasses, and that that coat's ten sizes too large for him.
If that tops your Christmas list, I don't want to see what else is on it.
Ever.
Urien makes a cameo appearance three years before Street Fighter III: Second Impact is even released. He's just that badass.
Fortunately, they cut it at above his waist, therefore saving everyone from the sight of his ever-present thong.
Tails fights the legions of evil with a TV remote! Watch, as he mutes an entire army with one swift motion! Witness, as he deactivates entire robot legions with the power button! Ponder, as I point out that this is almost exactly like Chex Quest!
Knuckles is so badass, he deflects lasers with his fists. Awesome.
He's big!
He's bad!
He's thrusting his gut in my face!
You know, I think this is the first time Grimer's appeared on any cover, period.
Oh, and Metallix and stuff. Why did they change his name again? Eh, whatever, it works.
Tails goes crossdressing.
Eggman had, up to this point, been wearing that mask. Which, as Team Fortress 2 CLEARLY shows, meant he actually looked completely like Sonic up until now. I can only imagine how many sentries he's sapped.
♪ Leeeet's dooooo the tiiiime waaarp agaaaaaaiiiiiiiiin ♫
Kid Eggarus. Pit, eat your heart out.
The Pyro was actually Sonic: confirmed
Free transfers were being given away. Sonic promptly decides to try and nab them for himself before a real human being does.
It doesn't succeed. Oh well.
For the record, this is where I joined the comic.
Okay, that's a lie. I actually joined in with a special comic they released just prior to this... but this was my first comic that was part of the main series.
In other news, Sonic does his best Shoryuken impression.
Sonic decides to stop running everywhere and begins to fly on a magic broom that leaves sprinkles everywhere in his wake. He gains 10 pounds through his laziness.
Y'know, at the time, this looked quite 3D. Now it looks like a really, really bad Photoshop.
Also notable for being the first comic to bear the spawn of Satan in the top-left corner. It gets worse...
SPLURGE FUN!
...
...yeah, kind of speaks for itself. At least the image isn't quite as innuendo-laden.
Introducing Mick McMahon, probably the worst thing that ever happened to the comic.
"But Shadow Hog, this doesn't look so bad!"
Oh, it will. It will.
And again with the really awful Photoshops. Was Photoshop even around at this point? I'd assume so, but...
Metal Knuckles. Badass as ever.
Okay FINE Knuckles Metallix or Metallix mk2 or whatever the hell he's called now. Stop being pedantic.
Oh God my eyes the goggles do nothing
And here's where Mick McMahon's art takes a turn for the worse. Note that furry on the far left, yes? That's a panda. With fleshy arms.
This is an insight into Mick McMahon's FLAWLESS FURRY DRAWING TECHNIQUEâ„¢, which I shall now spell out for you:
1) Draw an animal head.
2) Draw the same human body with knobby elbows and knees as the body for every animal head.
3) Proceed to color this human body as if it were an actual human body, even if the anatomy of the animal says it should be green or red or brown.
4) ?????
5) PROFIT
Yeah, this is WAY more noticeable in the actual artwork inside the comics themselves. And let me tell you, it's painful to look at.
Oh, but it gets worse... far worse.
Yeah, that's right.
Sonic now looks like this from the front side in every McMahon piece.
Whereas this is the side view, with a muzzle that's longer than your average canine's.
But I mean every. Single. Front. Shot.
Featuring a cameo by Frost Man from Mega Man 8.
McMahon's art aside, StC did Secret Rings back before Sega did Secret Rings. Badass, no?
...although Secret Rings' decisive lack of fat ladies wailing probably gives it the edge.
...and what the hell is even going on here? Sonic gets attacked by a train with an imp's head, film at 11.
Featuring a cameo by The GHZ standby, Nitro the Sarcosuchus.
Yes, he's very guilty. I was there at the trial. Edgeworth's logic was impeccable. Guilty as charged.
This isn't much better. I like how awful Sonic's mouth looks, though.
Sonic X King Sonic DISCUSS
Anyway, from here, Sonic gets attacked by a lot of really weird monster people. Starting with the image just prior to King Sonic:
Culminating with muscular Eggman (who might tie with muscular Kirby on the creepy-o-meter), right?
No, culminating with:
...Chaos.
...who looks nothing like Chaos (it has a freakin' mouth), I'll admit, but yeah.
You know, I think this is the only issue past that weird train one that I own. Sad, but STC's not exactly a commodity in the US.
Oh yeah, did I mention that Super Sonic is really evil and stuff in this comic? Again, no idea why they felt they had to change that - that's a more significant change than changing Metal Sonic's name, after all.
Although if you pretend that Sonic actually DOES turn into a murderous psychopath when he goes Super, it makes Sonic's Final Smash that much more awesome.
No, that's clearly Master Hand and Crazy Hand, Sonic. Get it right.
And that's basically it.
In conclusion, you're probably acting like this now. Yes.
And who the hell is that third guy? Adam?
rofl
Why did they change his name again?
brotherhood of metallix doesn't sound quite as bad as brotherhood of metal sonics
Also notable for being the first comic to bear the spawn of Satan in the top-left corner. It gets worse...
it was pretty painful when they used that face in strips
And again with the really awful Photoshops. Was Photoshop even around at this point? I'd assume so, but...
that was done by dermot power; i still have the non-a3 pin-up of it, though it's in bad condition. it gets a lot of things wrong but there's something about it that's just beautiful{seriously, you have to look at it uncompressed}. i never found a high res image of it.
You have filled my heart with untold levels of joyous notsalgia. Thank you. <3
But I have to admit upon reflection, a lot of those covers were pretty bad, yeah. ESPECIALLY MICK MAHON AND THE DAMN SONIC AVATAR IN THE TOP LEFT. Jesus christ it was hideous.
But never judge a book by its cover. Whilst a majority of these may be $$$@, the actual comic and its stories (well, other than the throwaway stories which were basically anything by Lew Stringer) were pretty awesome. The game adaptations were usually awesome especially Sonic3&K ( I want a graphic novel collection :O:) and for what its worth Chaos' design was pretty cool. And Super Sonic being evil was a nice twist but led on to a few really really really bad Special Zone stories in the mid 90's issues (Spider-man, X-Men, Hulk, Blue Brothers parodies oh my! And they were all inescapably crap!).
But I digress.
STC forever! <3
I wish there were some place close to where I live where I could get a few of these. I'd love to read some of the stories.
Fun fact: the original post is JUST short enough to be viewable in Firefox. Any longer and the remainder of the post gets cut off, right about where you now see Tidus and Yuna laughing (poorly). I learned this the hard way, actually (see, originally, this post was much, MUCH longer...)
Pachamac said:
But never judge a book by its cover. Whilst a majority of these may be $$$@, the actual comic and its stories (well, other than the throwaway stories which
were basically anything by Lew Stringer) were pretty awesome.
Preaching to the choir. Like I said, I own every single issue from this to this - including two special comics, one just prior to #83 (as I recall you could win a copy of Sonic Xtreme in it! Yeaaaah... no) and one after I came back to America - which was then promptly vomited upon by a youngster and thrown away. Also the one Adventure issue I explicitly singled out. Yeah.
Hyper Sonic Warrior said:
brotherhood of metallix doesn't sound quite as bad as brotherhood of metal sonics
The name change happened well before the Brotherhood arc, though.
Speaking of, I never did get to read that arc, although I'm aware of the plot-twist at the end. Quite a bummer.
They changed the name because it's just that much a cooler name. And also OH god did the SoR stories suck copious amounts of ass.
Also McMahon can die in a fire now ktnxbye
I think one of the editors came up with the name Metallix and it just stuck.
I always thought the Carl Flint covers were worse than the Mick McMahon ones. But lol youth.
*wipes away a tear of nostalgia* i wish i was able to read all the earlier comics again, i started collecting way too late. (although the re-prints were slightly helpful in catching up with some of the storylines. i still really want to get my hands on some of the earlier ones!)
Human Sonic looks like Roger from Doug, yes.
