(Pach, you are the best, I love you)
>> Head to local bard emporium, locate rocking steampunk guitar.
(I love you too)
You decide that the best place to find a weapon befitting your excellence would be at the local bard emporium. Most common adventurers starting out on their quest would try the weapons or magics shop, but you are no common adventure. No, you are so much more than that, such as that there hasn't even been a word invented yet to describe you. But there will be eventually once news of your magnificence has spread throughout the kingdom and the lands beyond.
You enter the emporium. Everywhere around you there are a fantastic selection of instruments for which you could use to rock out and melt the faces of trolls off with. But whilst there may be many instruments there is only one there which could only really be for YOU. In the centre of the store, on a stand all of its own is the most incredible steampunk guitar you have ever laid eyes on. As you near it, an almost heavenly light descends from the sky, illuminating the instrument. You are also sure you can hear angels singing as you walk closer and closer towards it.
You pick it up and begin to investigate it. You turn it around, strum a few notes, and pressing a switch hidden on the side, you discover the head of the guitar opening up to reveal a gun barrel. Another button unsheathes a wickedly awesome blade on the other side of the guitar. Forget guns. Forget blades. Forget even gunblades. This is the most incredible steampunk gunbladeguitar you, and anyone else even, has ever been lucky to lay their eyes on.
It's almost as if you were destined to wield this mighty metal instrument of destruction. Only you could be so incredible as to untap its full potential. And even the storeowner himself can see this as well. He decides to give it to you for free, which is totally wicked considering you haven't even got any money and its be a shame to have to shoot/stab/rock out the shopkeeper. He mentions something about him forseeing it as your destiny to use the mighty weapon and save the world, but man, whatever. You're still too busy being in awe with yourself.
Your companions rejoin you. They had decided to be more common adventurers and visit the weapons store and chose their own, more conventional weapons. But then again they actually had some money, you guess.
With this you are finally equipped enough to take on the trolls who had kidnapped that poor woman. Hell, you're probably equipped enough to take on anything. It is time to finally embark on your first quest... or is it?
You take one final thought as to whether or not you have everything you need, as you exit the emporium. Standing in the middle of the town, you take one final look at your surroundings.
>>> Are you ready to begin some epic slayage, or is there anything else you want to do first in the town?
>>>> Call up your creepy uncle Herbert, who lives with trolls in the most creepy of fashions and as for his input into the world of trolls.
>>> Search for a dancing carrot named Barkley, who compliments manliness at any point given, to aid you on your quest
>>>Begin the slayage.
>>>Begin the sleighage.
>>>Play some Slayer
>>>Begin the slayage.
It is time for the slayage to begin. After all, you are the best in the world, and there isn't nothing that can keep you down. You break out into a run with your three companions towards the town's exit archway, and quickly pass the guard by, hoping that he didn't recognise you or your companions as one of the earlier captured prisoners.
You enter a wide field. There is an enormous plain of grass surrounding you across all distance. There are some trees scattered here and there admidst some shrubbery. Birds pass overhead. You can hear the faint trickle of water in a nearby water. The blue sky stretches on endlessly. It is time. Time for this world to experience the awesome might of the great Antonio and his party.
You begin to follow the map, moving quickly towards the Trolls' cave.
After an hour's journey, you arrive at the entrance to the cave. The river you heard earlier also leads into the cave.
You can see a troll at the entrance to the cave. He is an enormous beast, sitting crosslegged on the ground with an enormous wooden club next to him. He is obviously the guard for the cave. He automatically stops your progress with an outstretched palm, blocking your progress. He is also wearing quite the awesome pair of sunglasses.
"Hey, dudes, and wierd wolfman monster thingy. What are you guys doing here?" The troll asks, rather lazily. "Gotta say, bros, no humans are allowed into this cave bar the bosses' lovely lady. If I were you dudes, I'd turn back around and go home, y'know?"
The troll is then taken aback somewhat by the lovely Lady Victorious and her lack of clothage. You can't really blame the guy.
"So whaddya say, dudes? How about saving me some trouble and just, like, go away, y'know?" The happening troll asks.
>>> What is your response?
>>>Do something manly
>>> Judging by his laid back attitude, sunglasses and manner of speech, this troll is from the californian Bra subspecies of troll. Sooth his worries with a classic Beach Boys song.
(OOC: Ahhahah...I love the random of this. XDXD)
>>> Get Lady Victorious to flirt with him while you sneak inside.
>>>> Break his computer and release him from his fetid curse of Trollness. He can't be a troll without internets!
>>>> Break his computer and release him from his fetid curse of Trollness. He can't be a troll without internets!
(heehee...like the April Fools trollfaces all over DA? XP)
>>> Judging by his laid back attitude, sunglasses and manner of speech, this troll is from the californian Bra subspecies of troll. Sooth his worries with a classic Beach Boys song.
You're sure that the best way to deal with the troll guard is to get on his good side. Randomly slaying any old troll you meet is not exactly the best way to go about making friends. Judging by the troll's appearance, you're sure that the best way to sooth his worries is with a classic song from a group that is just shy of meeting your supreme manliness.
You whip out your guitar. The guitar begins spinning randomly across your body before you snatch it dramatically and begin playing. The steampunk guitar plays the mellow melody to perfection, and rainbows shoot forth from the guitar, brightening the sky and allowing the sun to beam down upon you all.
"I get around
Get around round round I get around
From town to town
Get around round round I get around
I'm a real cool head
Get around round round I get around
I'm makin' real good bread~"
Your companions and the troll are all jiving to the beat. Man, you are so incredibly awesome right now. The troll has an epithany to the sweet playing.
"Ohhh, dude, dude that is so sweet. Dude, you are like, so awesome, bro." The troll speaks with a contented smile. "Man you guys can walk on through and go where you like dude, you're like, family now. Woah."
Result.
"Oh, but there's like, one thing you've got to do for me in return, bro."
Oh man, what now?
"You've gotta take me with you. There's no way I can't not be in the vicinity of such sweetastic playing as that, dude!"
You were hoping to pick up more female companions, not ugly trolls, but the guy has an inner soul that speaks to your own. He's a pretty cool guy, so it'd be a crime to turn him away. Plus you need to get into the cave.
"Yeah okay." You say. "By the way, what's your name...?"
>>> Faithful readers, what is your new companion's name?
Groll, that's right Groll the Troll.
Barkley the Bro-troll
Inigo Montoya
Monty Coast Dullquell
*last name suggestions (since I couldn't decide how to make the pun work)
-Dull-quell
-Dulquell
-Dol Quell
-Dullquello
-Dolquello
Big-Head Trevoly
Groll, that's right Groll the Troll.
"My name's Groll, bro," The troll slurs out in an easy and relaxed way. He reaches his hand out to you. You shake it. "Radical, man."
Groll picks up his club and slumps it over his shoulder as he stands up.
GROLL JOINS THE PARTY
"Oh yeah, I totally forgot, bros and lady. What are you guys doing here?" Groll asks.
"We came to rescue a fair maiden!" Viste Bueno interjects.
"A fair lady? Don't know nothing about fair but I guess I know who you're probably talking about. Right on bros, I'll show you the way, yeah?" Groll replies, turning around and walking into the cave. You follow his lead.
The cave starts out being fairly dark and dank. You cannot really see your footing clearly, and almost slip and fall right into Lady Victorious' waiting bosom. She is not very happy by this, as evident by the glowing red hand mark now embedded on your cheek. You press on.
"I say, my good man, how much longer do we have to walk?" Viste Bueno asks.
"Woah, dude, you need to like, chill out a bit, y'know?" Groll replies, a wide smile on his face. "No need to rush, y'know. You just need to, like, relaaaaax a bit, you dig?"
"I have to say I'm quite afraid that we might actually suffer a cave in and that we would have to dig our way out, but I digress. If our great leader Antonio here trusts you, then so shall I."
"Scratchio very pleased to meet new friend!" The werewolf man thing interjects with a happy laugh. "You look like great big strong person, like Scratchio and Antonio!"
"Hey, yeah, totally dude!"
"Whatever, let's get this done." Lady Victorious cuts the conversation short.
The dark tunnel ends and breaks out into a large open space. You walk out to find yourself on a floor of many, the cut rock of the cave having been fashioned into an entire village. You can see many more trolls living out their daily lives within the cavern, conversing with each other, running errands and generally not being that different to normal human's lives. You see small laughing troll children pass you by, playfully kicking you in the shins. The little gits, that actually hurt a bit. Oh well.
"Halt!" comes a surprising voice. You spin around to see 5 troll guards approach you and surround yourself and your party. "Groll! Explain yourself! Why have you let these people into the sacred cavern?!"
"Woah, bro, just, like, chill out, dude, y'know? These are my new bros!" Groll replies with a satisfied smile. The guards on the other hand, aren't so satisfied.
"Groll, you have betrayed the laws of our society! You are to surrender yourself and your allies immediately, or face the consequences!" The lead guard commands, aiming his mighty club in your direction.
"Oh great, prison again." Lady Victorious sarcastically sighs, her arms folded across her chest, her eyes rolling.
Your team look to you for your great and manly leadership to shine through. It's make or break time, hero.
>>> What is your response?
>>> Have a seizure
>>>Take a break, have a Kit Kat
Communicate to them with internet speak. Because Ramza's idea of a society of internet trolls has too much potential.
>> XD I second that.
>>> Whip out that guitar of yours and play some death metal, with extra DEATH!
>>>> I third Vec on this one! =D
>>>Play a sweet metal riff that transforms Groll into a BERSERKER PACKING MAN-AND-A-HALF
>>> Have a seizure
You have a seizure. Whether or not you are acting or genuinely having a seizure is unknown. Your body convulses and shakes, collapsing to the ground. You hit your head hard upon the rocky floor, and lose all consciousness despite the pleas of your comrades that drown out into silence.
***
You don't know how long it has been before you reawaken. You come to a groggy state. Your head hurts like hell.
'What... happened to me?' You think to yourself.
Your eyesight becomes less blurred. With it, you begin to look around at your surroundings.
You wake up in a dirty cell.
There is nothing else in the cell bar a barred window on one wall, a
bunk bed in the corner, a mirror on one wall and the cell bars before
you. You look at the mirror on the walls and suspect yourself. You look at yourself in the mirror, studying your rippling physique and amazing tone of body. Fortunately for you, you have not suffered another bout of amnesia as you did the last time you were in a cell. You've managed to remember the events of how you came to be inprisoned here. Well, you remember everything since you first woke up in that other prison, but nothing else before that. Are you confused yet?
"So you're awake. About time. What the hell were you doing back there?" comes a familiar voice. You turn around and look outside the cell bars to find in opposite cells your four other companions; Viste Bueno, Lady Victorious, Scratchio and Groll. It is also now that you notice you are quite fortunate enough to have not been stripped this time, and you still have your armour, although your steampunk gunbladeguitar is missing. On the other hand you kinda wish that you and the rest of your party had been stripped. Whilst seeing the body of trolls and wierd werewolf monsters isn't exactly exciting, there is another member of your group whom seeing naked of wouldn't have been such a bad thing afterall.
"What on earth are you thinking?" Lady Victorious asks again, noticing the drool dribbling from your chin.
"Er, nothing. Nothing at all!" you quickly reply, wiping your face. "Er, how did we get here again?"
"I say, my good man, you do not recall? You got us captured after having a seizure and so soon after we last escaped from prison! It brings a mighty woe to my heart." Viste Bueno sadly answers. "Unless, of course, this is all part of your great and cunning scheme for us to accomplish our mission in freeing the kidnapped maiden, right from under the trolls' noses! Er, do trolls have noses?"
"Considering how they smell, I very much doubt it." Lady Victorious answers.
"Hey, like, woah dude. I'm sensing a lot of bad karma in here, like, y'know? A bit less of the hurtful and resentful comments please, dudes!" Groll pleas.
"Scratchio just want to get out of cell. Scratchio got itch again." adds the werewolf beast thing.
"Well, whatever. I say my good man, Antonio, how do you plan on getting us out of this one?" Viste cuts to the point.
>>> You now find yourself back in jail. It might have indeed be a cunning plan on your behalf in an attempt to complete your mission, but, all the same, you find yourself in prison again. What do you do now?
Stick your head through the bars and scream as loud and as long as humanly possible.
(Actually did this during an roleplaying session once.)
For all your lightgun shooting needs and some other insanity too.
>>>Break mirror in half, put two halves together to make a (w)hole, place hole on bars, climb through the hole.
>>>> Open the cell door and walk out. No one said it was locked.
>>>Return to an earlier save and try a different approach.
>>>Remember that the trolls didn't think to take your equipment and reach out of the cell with your steampunkgunbladeguitar with the "Claw arm" setting to get the keys that are simply on the wall outside of your cell.
(( Gosh darn it, our Steampunk Gunbladetar has been bested... by a clockpunk chainblade keytar =< http://www.furaffinity.net/full/5521668/ (Warning, is Furaffinity, pic is safe, rest of site might not be mind safe))
>>>Remember your lock-picking skills (Which are probably related to why you wound up in jail the first time.) and use one of the Bobby pins you always carry on your person to open the door
>>>> Open the cell door and walk out. No one said it was locked.
You decide to try your luck and see if the cell door is actually open. Afterall, you didn't see if whether or not it had actually been locked so there's always a possibility that it's already open. Then again, you have just bee unconscious for the last who-knows-how-long, so you didn't really see much of anything to be honest.
You grip the bars tightly and give the cell door a gentle push. To your disbelief and that of your fellow comrades, the door actually opens! The rest of your team try their own cell doors, to mixed results.
For some unknown and unfathomable reason, only Scratchio and Lady Victorious celldoors' open. Groll's and Viste Bueno are securely locked. You cannot begin to deduce why some of your cells were locked and the other weren't.
"I say, my good man, this is rather unsettling!" Viste Bueno exclaims. "What poppycockery is this?!"
"Like, hey, woah, just, like, chill out man, y'know? Nothing ever gets solved from being stressed out, y'know." Groll tries to relax the gentleman down.
"My friend, this is greatly unusual. In Scratchio's country zey would at least think to lock all ze cells." Scratchio adds.
"Well, whatever, let's just get the keys, unlock these cells and go complete this sodding mission." Lady Victorious chimes in, beginning to walk towards the exit.
"Like, hey, woah there little lady! You need to be a bit more careful than that or you'll just be, like, y'know, thrown back into jail and locked again properly." Groll cautions.
"I don't think my good friends here are quite up to the challenge of a stealth mission, my good troll." says Viste. "Do you have any advice to aid our companions?"
"Nah, not really, bro. Oh, maybe if you can recover that sweet guitar you had with you earlier, y'know? That might be helpful!"
"Well, alright, let's get on with this so I can get out of this awful damp cave and somewhere a bit more dignified, honestly. Let's get your weapon and the keys and finish off this dump." Lady Victorious finishes. You and Scratchio begin to follow Lady Victorious to the cell's exit.
At the haphazardly constructed wooden door blocking the exit in the cave, you can see through the adjoined chain link fence two imposing guard trolls standing outside doing, well, guarding.
>>> What do you do now?
>>> Have Scratchio make a distraction and lead them away while you and Lady Victorious go get the keys and the guitar... you can always free him again if they catch him and toss him back in the cell.
Drink the potion and hope it does something awesome, like invisiblilty or super strength, and not something lame, like healing. Besides, who knows how long that thing keeps, between improper storage and the fact you keep thrashing around on the ground every 30 minutes.
You only mentioned the weapons missing, so I'm just making a foolish assumption here.
For all your lightgun shooting needs and some other insanity too.
>>> DO A BARREL ROLL! Do a barrel roll by pressing Z or R twice! Doing a barrel roll deflects enemy fire!
>>>> Guard alongside the guards until they invite you to their nightly game of cards.
>>>> Guard alongside the guards until they invite you to their nightly game of cards.
You decide the best way to defeat your enemy is to first know your enemy. A wise strategy.
You open the wooden door to the cells from the inside and slowly open it, walking out with your companions to face the two guarding trolls.
"Good day, gentlemen." You say. The two trolls look at each other rather scepticly, than back towards you. "I say, you've got quite the rowdy set of prisoners inside, don't you? We've been sent to help you guard them."
"Guard them?" one of the trolls replies. "Who sent you?"
"Oh, y'know, that rather crouchy, stuck up one who likes to think he's boss of everyone. Pfft." you say.
"Oh, you mean that moron Knell. Man, he's a jerk." The troll nods in disdain, before spitting to the ground. "Can you believe that guy tried to ban us from gambling? This is actually our punishment, y'know. He caught us playing cards and sent us here to guard those intruders, like we haven't got anything better to do."
"Man, and I had such an awesome hand as well. Would have totally cleaned up, y'know." The other trolls adds.
"Oho! You guys fancy yourselves good at a game of cards, then?" You ask.
"Darn tootin' we are!" The guard troll replies. "We're the best in the entire land. They call us Poker Face Brothers 1 and 2. Yep, we're that good!"
Well, you certainly think their title could do with a spot of improvement, but regardless this could prove to be helpful to you.
"Well, as it stands, me and my friends here are quite the talented card players ourselves. Plus, we've got an awful lot of money!" You say.
"We do?" Lady Victorious asks in disbelief.
"Of course we do! Afterall we're talented card players!" You lie. "What do you say, gents, fancy trying your luck against us?"
"Sounds like a plan, dude." the troll replies. "How about you guys meet us in 15 minutes back here and we'll have a game?"
"It's a deal! Be prepared to lose, gentlemen!" you say roarishly, before saluting and turning away from the trolls and walking off.
"Let's go! Onwards and upwards!" you command.
"Well, whatever," Lady Victorious shrugs.
You've managed to escape the two troll guards, but you're still stuck in the maze like caverns, without your weapon and with your two other companions still jailed and your mission as of yet uncompleted. This is not going to be an easy endeavour, but then, you have to start somewhere.
>>> What do you do next?
>>>Use your patented adventurer utility belt. It helps with ANYTHING. Any doubts? AAAAAAANNNNNNNYTHIIIING.
>>>Seduce a nearby troll and have her lead you to the girl.
>>>> Chat up the village beauties and get them to lend you a hand.
>>>Look at the map conveniently located right in front of you, it should have a "You Are Here" sticker on it.
CTSucks 666 wrote:
>>>Seduce a nearby troll and have her lead you to the girl.
As you progress blindly through the maze of caverns and tunnels, you come across a female troll who is carrying a basket of washing. She is a stunningly beautiful woman... for a troll at least. Her feminine figure is cut o perfection but at the same time you can see she has muscles to match them and an incredible set of abs that could put even yours to shame. As you and your group randomly come into contact with each other, both sides fall silent and stand in a stalemate at each other.
Niether one of you are willing to make the first move. You're not sure if this lady troll will attempt to send you back to jail. You're not certain whether or not to fight her or engage in anything else. Eventually you decide the best and most probablly successful option is to seduce her. After all you are a hunk of man meat and as has already been demonstrated earlier before in the town, women have extreme difficulty in resisting your otherworldly charms. Well, bar Lady Victorious. Seriously, what's up with that?
"Oh my gosh, you're just so adorable!" the lady troll exclaims before you can even do anything. She drops the basket of washing and rushs you, grabbing you and clutching you in a deep embrace. You can feel the armour cracking and splintering under the strain of her mighty hug. Man, you're sure you just felt a rib break. "My gosh, hello! Who are you? My name is , do you have a girlfriend?" The lady troll drops you and takes a step back, looking all bashfully shy. She runs one finger through her blonde hair and can barely look you straight in the eye.
"I... I don't have a girlfriend..." you answer honestly. It's the first thing that comes into your head, obviously, but it seems like the winning answer. The lady troll becomes more engrossed in you. "Can I be your girlfriend? Pretty please! I promise I'll do anything for you!"
You don't know what to say. You can see on the other hand, that both Scratchio and Lady Victorious are struggling to hold their laughter in. The jerks.
>>> What is the fine lady troll's name?
>>> And what do you say to her proposal?
>>> Her name is Bruce, hey we never said her name was beautiful. And accept her proposal, I mean it's not like she's going to join you on your journey or anything.
>>>> Her name is Pistachio, like the nut. Before responding to her question, tell her in great detail about how Scratchio is the prince of Wherever and that he has giant heaps of gold... somewhere, but he lost the gold and is in search of it. He could REALLY use a companion.
>>>Her name is Elgra. Accept because she's just too adowable.
CTSucks 666 wrote:
>>>Her name is Elgra. Accept because she's just too adowable.
You decide to agree to her proposal, for now at least. You're sure she can help you out with your current predicament, and you have to admit, for a troll woman she is kind of cute, if a bit muscular and powerful. Man, your ribs still smart. Also, you can't really fault her for falling for you, it's an unfortunate curse you have to be the desire of every woman who encounters you. And you accept that you'll probably have to start small on your side quest of building a harem.
"Er, sure, Elgra, you can be my girlfriend, I guess." You reply. Smooth talking, hero.
She jumps in the air with a loud squeal of delight. Scratchio and Lady Victorious look at you with an expression of disbelief. Like, whatever.
ELGRA JOINS THE PARTY!
"So what kind of things can you do, Elgra?" You ask.
"Well! I can cook lots of nice delicious yummy treats! And, um, I'd be a good housewife! I'm awesome at cleaning and stuff. You guys could probably tell already from what you've seen of the cave, right?" Elgra eagerly replies.
"You call zis clean? In Scratchio's country this place would be considered a downright dump that even the dogs wouldn't live in!" The werewolf human thingy speaks up, prompting an elbow shove in the gut from you.
"Oh! And I'm really, reeeaallly good with children and pets! They make me feel all ^_______________^ inside! You know :3?" Elgra adds.
"Yes, er, kids and puppies are delightful, I guess?" Lady Victorious speaks up with a dissaproving voice. You're not sure, but you think you might have heard a hint of jealousy in her voice.
"Oh! And I'm really, really strong! Watch! =D" Elgra finishes, and then turns to the nearest cavern wall. She clenches her fist, and effortlessly punches it. A fist shaped mark is left 10 inches into the solid rock, with cracks resulting all the way from it, and you could feel a small tremor reverberate throughout the whole tunnel. Holy cow she's strong!
"Um. Scratchio thinks it good idea you decide be Elgra's boyfriend. Good idea indeed!" The werehuman wispers in your ear. Yeah, cheers.
"Er, Elgra, as it is, I need your help!" You speak up. "My weapon got stolen, and some of my friends are locked in the prison cells, so I need to get them out too. Also, I'm looking for a human woman. Have you seen anyone like that in here?"
Elgra tilts her head to one side, and begins thinking. "Hmmmmmmmmm... I think I know where your weapon might be placed. It's in a storage locker not too far from here with some other fangly dangly weapons and stuff!"
"Our weapons, then." Lady Victorious surmises.
"As for the prison cell keys... nnnn dunno! >____<;; Don't prison guards normally carry them? o.o?" Elgra surmises.
"Scratchio believe we may have to win them in game of poker later with guards?" Scratchio scratchs his chin. It looked like he may have been deep in thinking, but in all likelihood it was probably just because he actually hd an itch there.
"Oh, and I've seen a human woman around here!" Elgra continues. "There's one there!" She points to Lady Victorious.
"Er, another human woman that's not her?" You correct.
"Oh! Hmmmmm... oh yeah! Yeah! I remember! She's not a very nice person. >=( She's stolen our chief leader! He won't do anything bar meet and talk with her! It's really rude, you know! I even used to fancy him before I met you! Oh, wait, a girl doesn't tell her new boyfriend something like that! >_<;; Sorry!" Elgra concludes.
Well, now you know where your items are, and you have a good lead to where your target is. You also know where the keys are to rescue Viste Bueno and Groll, but in order to win them you'd have to play them a game of poker.
>>> What is your next move?
