16th August 2009 1:35pm
"Muahahaha! Your time is up, Captain Crusader! No longer will you be the bane of my existence, for I, "The Dyabolical Mastermind", have finally ensured your doom!!"
The scene: Somewhere in the abadoned wild west. A wide and barren plains, devoid of nearly anything other than the occassional mountain in the distance, dotted with cactus trees here and there. The only noticeable point of interest is the two parallel train tracks, and the two men who are by it. One of them is lying on the tracks, strapped and bounded by worn leathery ropes, a large muscular man dressed in bright purple and green spandex with the letter 'C' emblazoned on his chest. He squirms desperately to free himself of his bonds, as his atagonist, dances wildly atop the tracks next to him.
He is 'The Dyabolical Mastermind', the self-styled nefarious ruler of the world. He has finally, in a great and grandious scheme, managed to entrap his long-standing rival in what is surely, his greatest masterpiece of a villainous scheme yet. Trapped on these traintracks, his nemesis will be crushed by the steam engine that is destined to arrive here in precisely 1 minute 23 seconds. As time counts down, the great destined ruler of the world aims to enjoy the last moments of his long standing rivalry to the fullest.
"You never thought you could be defeated, did you Captain Crusader?! Mmm...no! But 'lo! Look at you now! Your time is at an end, my friend, and once you have finally been disposed of there will be no one who can stand in my way of conquering the world!!"
"You're mad, Mastermind! Do you honestly think you'll get away with this?!" The chisel-chinned hero shouted, as he continued to struggle against his bonds. Time was running out, and every second was counting. He couldn't afford to be distracted by his enemy's gloating.
"But of course!" The Dyabolical Mastermind countered, twirling his devilishly curly moustache about his finger. He continued dancing around, jumping from side to side. As he did so, his helmet slipped off. The villain flinched back in dismay, and scrambled to pick it up. It was his favourite helmet and he needed it to complete his villanous ensemble of a guise, without it he didn't look like "The Dyabolical Mastermind", he just looked like the rest of those idiotic members of the superhuman community who didn't have his genius. In all honesty, his appearance was largely generic, a black and white spandex one piece costume. It was the ridiculously oversived helmet that made The Dyabolical Mastermind who he was. It wasn't all that surprising really, after all the helmet was almost as large as his arm, just to fill in the whole of his emblazoned name onto it.
"Soon, Caped Crusader, you're going to be nothing more than a red smear on these tracks, and once that's done, I will have my revenge for all of the times you've foiled my plans!" The Dyabolical Mastermind bellowed. "Nevermore will you have the last laugh!"
The hero looked helplessly up at his despicable enemy. Try as he might, he couldn't remove his trappings, and there was no time left. He glared at his nemesis. "You may defeat me, Mastermind, but you'll never take over the world! There will always be heroes out there who will stop you at every turn you take!"
A loud horn bellowed out, along with the typical thuddering one hears with a nearing train comes racing along. With it, the grin upon The Dyabolical Mastermind's mouth grew ever wider, and the twirling of his moustache grew with such intensity it almost threatened to spin completely off. "Quiet, dogooder! You will not rob me of the satisfaction of your defe-"
THUD
The Dyabolical Mastermind's gloating was cut off mid sentence as he was smashed headfirst by the approaching steamtrain. He became stuck to the front of it, dragged helplessly and screaming as the train continued onwards to its next destination. Although The Diabolical Mastermind had the foresight and cunning to defeat his archenemy, the Caped Crusader, he neglected to make sure that the tracks which he was trapped on was the same track that the train was approaching on, and NOT the ones he was dancing on.
16th August 2009 11:18pm
The streets of New York city was entrenched in an unrelenting rainstorm. In the midst of it, a trenchcoated figure with a rather large helmet walked solemnly to his apartment. He had just gotten back from his fight with the Caped Crusader, where miraculously he had survived his collision with the train. His body was bandaged haphazardly but it had to do. More than anything, he was seething with rain that his latest conquest attempt at destroying his arch-enemy had failed. Again. For the 479th time.
He tried opening the door but it was locked. He fumbled his pockets for his keys, but came up empty. "God damnit I must have lost it on the train. Mrs. Muggins! HEY! MRS. MUGGINS! LET ME IN!" The villain banged on the door, waiting for his landlady to let him inside.
The door slowly opened, revealing an old and particularly frightening looking landlady on the other side. She whacked The Dyabolical Mastermind around the head with her cane. "Lost your key again?! God damnit Gary, if that isn't the 5th one this month!"
"I know, I know! Sorry! I'll pay you back!" The Mastermind protested.
"And don't forget the rent! You're short this month's, you no good hooligan!" Mrs. Muggins glared, walking back to her room to try and go back to sleep.
Gary clambered into his messy apartment and booted the computer on. He was greeted by a joyful meow and purr, as a black and white cat jumped off his bed and padded towards his owner. "Hello Mr.Pickles. Have you been a good boy, Mr.Pickles?" Gary sat on his study chair, and once his computer had fully started, began searching through the internet. All the while, Mr.Pickles continued purring and screeching a meow, and nudging Gary with its head. "Godamnit Mr.Pickles, I'll feed you in a minute! Leave me alone? Can't you see I'm working here?!" Mr.Pickles turned and ran off with a disgruntled expression. Well, as disgruntled an expression as a cat could make, at least.
"I'm tired of being made a mockery! Tired of being neglected of my true status as ruler of the world! Tired of that irritating Caped Crusader!" Gary shouted angrily up into the air. "But no more! No more will I have my body set on fire, be thrown into the ocean or be hit by runaway trains! No... for I now have THE plan I need to conquer this planet!"
A loud thump came from the floor. "Shut up, Gary, you idjit! Some of us are trying to sleep!" It was a loud and irritated Mrs. Muggins, who lived directly underneath Gary. This sort of thing happened pretty much every night. "Okay okay! Sorry, Mrs. Muggins!" Gary replied, and turned back to face the computer screen.
"It seems so obvious, I'm surprised I never thought of it sooner before!" Gary continued his monologue, something he had been practicing and perfecting for a long time. "For too long, I have been scorned alone by the superheroes of this world. For too long, I alone have been unable to finally bend this world to my will! And why is that?! I have the supreme intelligence! I am the smartest man in the world!!" He dramatically pumped his fist in the air.
"But perhaps being alone is the reason why I've failed for so long, Mr. Pickles! I've been trying to conquer the world by myself for such a long time now, and maybe that's why it hasn't worked. Perhaps I need... assistance! And more than those pathetic lazy workers from Rent-A-Thug.com! No, I need people who can match my brilliant super intelligence with super powers of their own! A Legion of Supervillains! A Cabal of Villainry!!!" Gary triumphantly jumped into the air, pumping his fists more and more fiercely. He then turned to his computer again and began typing furiously.
He was on an anonymous messageboard adorned with a four leaf clover. He created a thread which would surely spell disaster for the superhero community, and finally, FINALLY would bring about his long desired dreams of conquering the world!!
Tired of superheroes interrupting your plans for conquering the world? Tired of superspys escaping your villainous lasertraps and blowing up your headquarters? Tired of the constant hassle it takes to change your identity everytime a plan is foiled? Tired of always being beaten alone?
It doesn't have to be that way anymore! By joining our abilities and genius together, we will finally be able to rid ourselves of our most irritating and annoying superhero archenemies and reshape the world into the best image it can have- naturally, ours. A supervillain team-up! Tomorrow, the world could be ours!
Following this, Gary, or, as he'd rather be known as, The Dyabolical Mastermind gave the details of a private chatroom for the would-be world conquering supervillains to join and discuss their in person meeting, and ultimately plans for the world's conquest. He clicked send, and with it the message was complete. The first stage of The Dyabolical Mastermind's greatest scheme yet was complete, and with it, this world would be his.
"Yes, yes! Ahahahahaha! Nothing can stop me now!! Do you hear me?! Nothing! This world belong to me! Ahahahahahaha!!!" Gary maniacally laughed, raising his hands high in the air and shouting aloud as all great villains do.
"Godamint, shut up you idjit!" Mrs.Muggins shouted and banged against Gary's floor again, stopping him in his tracks. "First item on the agenda once I'm ruler of this world is to stick my foot up her arse."
"Meow?"
"Yes, yes, alright Mr.Pickles. I'll feed you now. Geez, you're going to get fat like this..." With that, Gary went to get the can opener and begin feeding his cat.
OoC: And so begins the greatest and most incompetent plan to conquer the world ever begins! It's been a long time since I've rped and I've missed it, so I've finally decided to start a new one. Most of the rps I've been in have been the typical 'saving the world' type, so I thought why not try doing it from the other side for once? Why not be the villains trying to conquer the world? Nothing's more funner than villainry!
Okay, rules. First off, this is a comedy/lighthearted rp, so try not to take things too seriously and just have fun with it. The villains should generally be incompetent, after all bungling and bumpling villains who constantly fail tend to be the funnest. Characters can be as generic or original as you like, its up to you, but this is just generally a for laughs rp, so take it in mind. But most of all, have fun!
OOC: Hmm. Interesting concept. Are anthro chars alowed? (Humans are boring.) I have a villain, but he's...more competent than you're looking for, so I will have to think up another one. But this has caught my interest.
OOC: Just spotted this, what a beutiful idea for an RP =D I want in so badly. However using The Incompetence seems a little too much like the title, so I'll leave the 4ft maniac in CoV where he belongs (Besides, he's getting far too competent for his thigh hig purple boots) and Boris the Butcher is silly, but far too small scale and, uh, brutally murderous for this.
So we are left with the good old backup plan. When in doubt, wing it! Do I care that the OP was back in August? I do not!
12th August 2009 4:45 pm
"Shake a leg with that snipe would ya, Bazza you pill? I'm togged to the bricks here and I've planned this heist for months, so I aint taking a powder without the suds, you here me?"
Scene: Outside a bank in a modern, rather clean city. There are the usual sights to be seen, throngs of busy pedestrians, a road gridlocked with traffic, adversitments, Hot Dog vendors. Oh, and down and alleyway to the side of the large, impressive looking bank lurk a group of shadowy, if rather well dressed men. The majority of them are simply hanging around, the expression of teduim on their faces seeming to suggest that this is just another nine till five job, and that they'd rather be at home watching the game, than be stood here in the cold, dressed in matching, dated, suits.
Of the group, two men stand out, one is unusually tall, and rather gangly, his features seemingly stretched to encompas his long, pointed chin. His suit is more ornate than that of his companions, though just as dated, his hair slicked back with macassa oil and a pair of dark glasses on his hook like nose. One of his spindly hands is holding a trombone case, the other is currently engaged in pointing and prodding at the other man's chest.
The other man, known as "Bazza" is having a ciggarette, and he dosn't look pleased with the situation.
"Shut it, Big Daddy Dong. I'll be done before the bank shuts, don't rush me." He grunted, blowing smoke into the gangly man's face.
"That's Big Bad Daddy Swing! Ya crumb! Big Bad Daddy Swing! The low down man from San Fran with the plan! I'm gonna rule the world!" Daddy Swing declared, adjusting his glasses and tapping his feet. "Why this heists gwanna be such a sockdollager that...
When they speak the names,
'o all the villians foul,
Ya know who'll they'll fear most o' all?
When they list the crimes,
he'll never be aroun',
'Cause he's always got a patsy for the fall!
The Buzzers cannot catch him,
The others cannot match him,
The Dames all wanna scratch,
Big Bad Daddy's got it all!..."
The group of goons all rolled their eyes in unison, they had seen it all before, Big Bad Daddy Swing dancing and singing to some tune nobody else could here. At least it kept him occupied while Bazza finished his smoke. As the Daddy's little musical interlude finished, things rolled into place. As one, they entered the doors of the bank, the goons working their way into the crowd, Bazza staying by the doorway, as Big Bad Daddy Swing moved over to a small writing table, hopping up onto it with some flair, his spats covered shoes tapping down on the woodwork"
"Janes and Johns, sorry to say it, but my brunos are dancing among you right now. So you best get all your Rhino ready for them while the cashier opens up, or we gonna have a right Ring-a-ding-ding, yeah?" This was of course, met with a lot of confused looks from the bank patrons, untill the sighing Bazza pulled out his pistol, and made a few grunting gestures.
Unfortunatly for Bazza, nobody was watching one well known multi-billionaire playboy as he slipped into the private assesment cubicle.
Very unfortunatly for Bazza, it was The Club Man who emergered. The dark spectre of the night, who put fear and superstion into the hearts of criminals ever since a wayward cricket ball flew threw his window on the aniversary of his goldfishes death (He was a very sensitive individual).
15 minutes and multiple bone fractures later, Big Bad Daddy Swing was left alone and stranded in the desert, his Swingmobile taken by BrokenNose Bazza, blacklisted by the Henchmen's local 407 and worst of all, his trombone was somewhere... well, lets not talk about where his trombone was.
17th December, 2009, 2:35 am
"Over a MONTH! It's taken over a month to get back home! Hitchhiking! Not a penny to my name! And those three letter men in the henchmen's union won't return my calls. I think I've hit rock bottom!"
Big Bad Daddy Swing always talked as he was typing on his computer. He wasn't sure why, but it was probably the same reason he had the keyboard replaced with an old fashioned typewriter.
"I'm thinking of getting out of this buisiness. Maybe there will be a swing revival? Nah, that's daft. Oh well, dear Blog, life goes on I suppose. Life Goes on.
Listening to :-Swing when you are Winning.
Mood:- Despondant"
With that he tabbed off his blog, trawling the vast, and sometimes frightening world of the internet, his depression causing him to click on links at random, until he found something that almost made him spill his hot chocolate:
"
Tired of superheroes interrupting your plans for conquering the world? Tired of superspys escaping your villainous lasertraps and blowing up your headquarters? Tired of the constant hassle it takes to change your identity everytime a plan is foiled? Tired of always being beaten alone?
It doesn't have to be that way anymore! By joining our abilities and genius together, we will finally be able to rid ourselves of our most irritating and annoying superhero archenemies and reshape the world into the best image it can have- naturally, ours. A supervillain team-up! Tomorrow, the world could be ours!
"
Tentatively, he clicked the chat-link...
